As the focus blurs

It is funny how you may view a situation once you are out of it...those moments that once were part of your reality now a distant memory, and the audaciousness can truly be recognized.  It can really be any situation; a former relationship or marriage, friendship, school, etc.

I just came out of a nearly 5 year relationship that was incredibly exhausting, mentally challenging, and toward the end became emotionally damaging.  I am still suffering from the effects of this relationship, and have trouble dealing with new interactions based on those in the past.  This relationship was with the company I formerly worked for.

Having a difficult working environment is not only troubling, but a disservice to all those involved.  I spent nearly 5 years hearing I was not self-educating enough, I was not working hard enough, I said things incorrectly, I was not helping clients enough or I was too friendly with the clients, I was not helping my co-workers enough or I was helping my co-workers too much by doing their work, I was the only person who could speak to clients or I am the cancer of my department.  Yes, I used the c word...that is what I was actually told.  I sat in an office, watching others be downtrodden, made to feel they could go no where else, and belittled on a regular basis.  And this was just a normal day.

This was not a unique experience...it was a daily occurrence.  I would cry on my way to work, praying the entire time to have a good day, that the company and it's leadership would be guided in the right direction, and the right decisions would be made...

It is sad, really, how poorly this ended up.  It started off nicely; or so I thought. I was offered a job from a customer while working one 4th of July weekend at Neiman Marcus...I had no idea really who she was.  All I knew was she spent over $1,000 that day, and was kind.  I had helped her before, but when she said this I had no recollection of her.  She said she was impressed with the customer service skills I offered; never letting my feathers get ruffled when talking with a customer, always going above and beyond the degree of service she expected.  When I started working at her company I learned she had called me the "Neiman Marcus girl," and had talked about me months prior to my being hired.

Once I was hired I had a bit of culture shock.  I had worked with my co-workers and managers for several years and multiple companies.  My store manager, Maggie, had become a mentor of sorts while going through a separation and eventual divorce from my husband, offering parenting advice from a view of someone who previously went through the same demise of a relationship.  There was safety in working for her; she knew of my struggles but never seemed to judge me based on that, but rather the work I accomplished.  I went from the world of retail to the world of an office, desk, computer.  Where once I was running around, remaining active without really needing to exercise I was now chained to a desk...

My schedule was the typical Monday through Friday, 8am-5pm.  When the kids were away for the summer I would start my day in the office at 5am, leaving at or after 5pm.  I would offer to conduct trainings for those in other countries at times that were after or before my day.  I believed in the program we sold, believed in the benefits for a company, believed in those we worked with, and never forgot what the program was for - the greater well-being of a community and those they served through after school programs, adult day programs, awareness programs offered through schools within the US, and really, the world at large.

But it was in those long, hard days I learned I was little more than a number.  In a small company where you know your co-workers not only by name, but also by appearance; where you sit less than 10 feet away from the President and Vice President's offices, you become familiar with others quickly.  You learn patterns each person has, or the tone in their voice when happy, upset, sarcastic, or madder than hell.  You learn sighs, and when to avoid talking to people after hearing sighs.  You learn and see more than you ever expected, and develop methods to cope with a long day.

My first year at the company, I learned my position quickly, and excelled at the software program I was working with.  I developed a training program for clients to also learn the program so very important to their own non-profit world.  The training process was something I dearly loved.  While I had originally gone to school for teaching, I did not contain a degree for this area of the world.  So, I had to do research on adult learning patterns, learn new aspects of the program at an accelerated rate to train others.  With little time, I was always trying to determine a better method of learning for clients; what made sense, what order should the software program be taught, what aspects of the program were important to an administrator verses manager verses front desk worker at a Boys and Girls Club. I didn't receive a yearly review. In my first year I had created so much change within the company, you would have thought something would have been mentioned.  I received an award for my work, the Gold Star of Excellence, during that first year.  When I asked about a review, it was shrugged off.

Upon my second year mark, I received a review.  In this review I was told I didn't self-educate.  I was told that I didn't work hard enough, and that I needed to empower myself more.  In looking at the documents presented to me, she listed the gift days for attending a funeral as part of our benefits...EPIPHANY!  If anyone thought that was a kind gesture, we were surely in for a big surprise to see it listed there when we came out of respect.  I was given a small raise which equaled $1,000...due to not receiving a review or raise the first year I was there, I saw this raise as a slap in the face...simply put, $500 for each year I had been there.  She praised me in some ways, but they seemed back-handed at the same time.  To make matters so much better, I was still working at Neiman's as an on-call associate and had to go to work after leaving the office...in which I learned I received a bigger percentile raise from that company than I did at my full-time job...and to have the added bonus of her shopping the entire evening, having me walk with her as she shopped...FML.

From there, and the next 3 years I was still employed, it just went downhill.  She let me travel during the second year, and after my review I was booked for 2 more trips to San Fran and New Orleans.  In a conversation I had with her before the San Fran trip, she wanted me to fly to Chicago for a soiree with the Vice President in the afternoon, come back that next morning to leave again for another trip.  "You really are the only one who knows how to speak to these people at a higher level."  Yes, that was until I told her with the kids, I would prefer to not take such a short trip.  She did not like this.  After New Orleans, I never traveled again, being told I was not proficient enough in what I was doing.

I also committed the cardinal sin of dating her little puppet of a developer.  I found out later he had gone around to everyone in the company, requesting they put in a good word for him with me up to 8 months before we started dating.  I was with someone else, and would not have allowed even a hint of outside friendship with him had I known this.  He mentioned to her 6 months before we dated if she would co-sign on a relationship between the two of us...I learned she was concerned we would act inappropriately on a company retreat to Sedona that she talked to a co-worker to ensure he kept us apart.  Again...months before we started dating.  When we started dating, things went south at work extremely quickly.

There was a conversation that has remained with me since it occurred in July, 2008.  A family member was in the hospital, on life support.  I was outside attempting to contact someone, anyone, regarding how he was doing.  Living in Arizona, I was separated by some 400 miles to my family at this time, and it was difficult beyond words.  As I was outside, crying, trying to call someone, she saw me...she requested I come talk to her in her office...and once I was in there, the conversation went something like this:

Owner:  "So, Miss Ruthe, what is bothering you?"

Me:  "Well, my uncle is in the hospital, and I can't reach anyone.  He is on life-support and I haven't heard
     from anyone today regarding how he is doing...I am really concerned something is wrong."

Owner:  "I don't think that is what is wrong.  I think you are upset about Michael Kolb (developer I am
     dating), and you are concerned about what is going on with him.  You and he have the same problem -
     you always have to be around other people.  
     Michael is like this, though, because he is a strong personality.  You are like this because you lack
     self-esteem.
     Here is what I think you should do.  I think you should break up with him.  It has to be your idea you
     present to him though.  And I will help you with whatever you want.
     What is it that you want."

Me:  "I don't think that is what is going on, and I don't think that is anything you should worry about.

     If I had to tell you what I want, I would like more time to develop a better training curriculum.  I have

     sent you some emails recently about this."

Owner:  "No, I can't give you more time.  You need to determine how to do this in the time you have."

And, because I didn't heed her advice, it decelerated at a speed more rapid than a car without breaks.  In the next year, many changes would occur.  The developer who had talked to everyone about wanting to date me decided to cheat on my with someone we both worked with...to make matters worse, it was someone who called herself a best friend.  I was told I was doing too much of the trainings, and written up for doing so in a department where we were now using multiple people to train.  I was told I was being aggressive toward cheating developer and backstabbing ex-friend, and was literally exiled from my team.  When I say exiled, I mean I no longer sat with them, sat away from them to where I had no idea what was going on within the team. One month later I had my yearly review...my manager asked how I was doing away from the team, and if I was okay in a faux concerned voice.  I had learned from this early on to not answer honestly..."I am doing fine.  I will sit wherever you need me to sit."  And then I asked another question.

Me:  "There is something I don't understand.  If you have someone who is having difficulties working with
     others, why wouldn't you coach them.  Why would you set them apart from the team?"

Manager:  "Oh, that was (Insert company owner name)'s idea. She said we needed to remove the cancer."

I called out sick the next day.

7 months later, I was at a new job...in the week before I left this company I received several phone calls from the owner of this company saying I was always welcome to come back if things didn't work at my new company.  The Vice President had the most astonished look upon his face when learning I was leaving.  And as I walked out for the last time, I had the biggest smile on my face.

While my new company has it's challenges, it does not offer the same difficulties as this one held.  I refer to my time at this company as boot camp.  I still suffer from feelings that can only be described as my own post traumatic stress.  I was lucky in many regards - others were treated, and are treated, far worse than I was.  As another former employee and I said - our worst day at our new employers is better than our best day at that company.  I no longer have the threat of personal life being dictated by my employer.  I no longer have to pray my way to work just to walk into the door.  And every day I thank the Lord for a new job I am happy at.

Since I have left there have been many others who came and left...the numbers are just too ridiculous (over 20) to not see it as an issue.  While there are many stories in working for that company which may or may not be written about in the future, I am forever grateful for this company in teaching me how not to do things, not to treat people, and not to conduct business...

And today, I received a recap of another person's going away party on Friday, and the events of today from a friend still imprisoned...I have removed names...

"(Insert Office Manager name) gave me the scoop from Fri.

In Brief: 3 got cars towed, (Insert owner name here) went around office discouraging ppl telling them not to go, forbid MKolb to go who in turn called (insert ditzy girl name here) & told her not to go back, & (Insert owner name here) called (insert former employee who left without having another job to get away) on his cell phone!

All the evening needed was that Bieber kid

AND get this - she told (insert Marketing kid's name here) NEVER again is he allowed to send out emails at work for these gatherings, because they are NOT company functions.

The worst was telling (Insert HR Assist. name here) not to go because she wouldn't enjoy herself.  When (Insert HR Assist. name here) asked (Office Manager) if there was an HR policy against attending events like that (and (Office Manager) said no it's not work related) she said (Insert owner name here) made it sound that way.  That woman creates more trouble for herself than anyone I know.

OMG!  (insert ditzy girl name here) wouldn't get out of way to let (Insert Office Manager name) park at bar on Fri.  Then her battery died this morning & she called (Insert Office Manager name) for a ride into work. (Office Manager) told her to call a mechanic and hung up!  God I love (Office Manager)!

At some point (Insert Office Manager name) told (insert ditzy girl name here) she was a flake and a liar.  I AM DYING LOL!

it's been a fun day. short story: (insert ditzy girl name here) cost (Insert Office Manager name) $155 Fri nite. Today (insert ditzy girl name here) needs starter @  $325.  Do not F with (Insert Office Manager name) !"

Communication is a fine art

In today's world of multiple methods for communication, it always amazes me how lazy we may become with how we communicate.  We spend our time talking through email, IM, text, and social media sites with those we consider to be "friends" but have never met.  And the people we should be talking to - those we know in person, our families, our friends, our significant others are often the last people we may talk to.

In today's methods of communication, not only has our personal lives taken a steep decline but also our professional lives.  Managers no longer communicate to their staff regarding information, they start an instant message chain.  Co-workers no longer work together for an exchange of ideas; an email is sent with the information  hoping the recipient understands what is being presented.

Workplace instruction and communication
Communication is not only necessary for us to survive in the workplace, it is also essential to the overall health of our companies.  It is the need to share information in a clear and precise way that many today do not understand how to accomplish successfully, they do not even know where to begin in effectively delivering the information needed. Understanding the differences between how and when you communicate in an individual or group manner is highly desired by those in any company.

Communication in the working environment lends itself into not only satisfaction within one's work, but also a greater sense of community within a department or entire office.  There are times where disclosure for all information  is not necessary, but for the general priorities, tasks, and expectations - communication must occur.  There is no substitute to a well-informed team able to work independently due to understanding what is needed to happen.  A manager that communicates to his or her team allows those working with them to be able to accomplish more in a smaller gap of time.  A manager that offers regular and on-going communication allows those on their team the ability to accelerate at their positions.

Individual communication and instruction
Imagine being asked by a manager how you would like to have instruction given when being assigned a project. Imagine being asked if you preferred an overview of generalized concept, or details of what was needed for the project to be successful.  Add to this that you may never have completed a project similar to the task being given you.  If given the overview or general concept, you may be able to complete the project - but are you giving your company what was truly needed? You may be able to do what was needed, but it may also take you several attempts of and reviews for your work to complete the project.  Instead of knowing what was needed in the original request, you are now using valuable time making changes.

If given details of what was needed, you may be able to complete the project in a much more successful manner with items discussed being included.  Time spent making revisions decrease, and the information can be presented to your client or company in a more timely manner.  If asked to complete this task again, you would be able to learn from either method, and not require full details as you had originally.  But the difference between both scenarios is time.  Time, our most valuable commodity in any aspect of our lives.

Group instruction and communication
Communication should not be delivered in an unreliable medium.  These unreliable mediums may include use of group instant messaging meetings, or email to deliver new processes staff should follow without use of a prior meeting with your team.

Hosting a group meeting via instant messaging may allow your team to revisit what was discussed while in the meeting, but only if they were invited to the group meeting.  This, of course, is taking for granted your staff also save conversation history within the instant messaging products being used.  Often times this can be an issue where what is being said is understood differently than intended.  The time it takes for team members to reply to or respond to your comments may also be a drain on your resources.  Instant messaging is typically used for and should reside with quick responses,  not a method to deliver instructions to a team on new processes.

Email may be more reliable, but you also suffer the risk of the Reply All...The Reply All is where you may receive several emails from different people, each of which shares their own thoughts.  And for each person's thoughts you run the risk of duplication.  The time it took each person to write their response is now lost as every team member must now read each individual email, possibly have questions related to the content, and reply again...and the circle continues...and valuable time may be lost. 

Rather than expecting your staff to understand information in an instant message group meeting or email for important detail, the better option would be conducting a meeting the old fashioned way - face to face group meeting.  The 5 minutes you may spend trying to explain something in an IM or email could also be used in this other option.  If follow up is needed with the group you are meeting with, that is the time and place to allow this communication to be provided through IM or email.

These options may not work for all companies, or all situations within a company. There are scenarios that can not be thought of by those outside your company. The suggestions do, however, offer a better method for establishing inter-office communication which will lead to a happier staff knowing what is needed, and how you would like them to accomplish this.

You put the lime in the coconut

We live in a world of instant gratification. Instantly, we are able to talk to someone on the other side of the world by phone, text, or IM rather than waiting months for a letter to arrive at our door. We are able to instantly view pictures we take from cameras and share with friends and family instead of waiting for an image to be developed. We are able to travel to any destination not only by former methods of animal, car, or plane, but now also by computer for virtual tours. Our world is so quick, we forget what it actually means to work for what we need or want at times.

In this world of instant gratification, I am suffering from being in the company of those that also have the sense of entitlement for jobs not well done. I am suffering from their excuses as to why they cannot do something instead of their attempt to do whatever they can. I also suffer from other individuals and their allowance of such excuses, thus creating a tailspin of never working for what you want, but thinking you should have what you want without the work.

It used to be that when hired for a job, you would work hard at this position. If you failed to do your position, you were coached or fired. There was no room for someone saying it was everyone else's fault.

Now, this is the world we live in. A world where someone believes showing up for their job should be credit enough for a job not done. A world where superiors offer excuses for those not doing their job when all hands may be needed on deck. Excuses that only cripple all those effected.

To me, regardless of what the job may be, regardless of how remedial, manual, or labor intensive, you do the best you can at all times. You do this whether someone is monitoring you or not. You work whether the boss is standing over your shoulder, or you are working on your own. If faced with a situation where the work load is larger than normal, you work harder to get the job done. You are not looking for the pat on the back - the job being done is thanks enough. Not so of today's world. To think this, to do this is becoming rare. And for those who do not work, you are only frustrating those around you.

Everything from time you arrive to the office, to how you do your job is no longer an issue as it would have been 5, 10, or 15 years ago. Those who worked 50 years ago would be shocked at the rate of apathy within our workforce today. Running late on a consistent basis is not running late; it is more likely you are apathetic to the rules of when you are to be at the office. Making excuses for a job not done is not that you cannot do the job, or ran out of time; it is more likely you are apathetic to the rules of doing your work. As a superior making excuses for those who do not do their job does not mean you are a good boss; it is more likely you are apathetic to the others in your department and not paying attention. It is like putting lime in coconut, hoping to reinvent something that already exists, and not caring when told it is already around.