Life moves, with or without you

Life...such a beautiful complexity of turmoil and joy.  

Life...filled with so many amazing moments.  

Life. 

It is hard to imagine my life without those moments of turmoil and joy.  After all, aren't those the moments that defined who I am?  Aren't those the moments that established my thoughts, my habits, my fears, my beliefs?  Aren't those moments what have shaped faith within my soul?  And regardless of how much I request the sun not rise in the morning when I am in turmoil, there is always a sweet joy when I see that new day dawn.

I am trying.  I am attempting to move forward, to not look to the past for sympathy.  I am attempting, hard as I might, to trust those who are in my world.  I am attempting each day to view the world as a place of hope, a place where dreams will come true, even if they were not the dreams I started out with.  Each new day offers me the ability to realize more than I had yesterday, prepare for tomorrow, and try to enjoy the very minute I am in right now.

It is an ever increasing battle to not allow previous experience or worries of the world cloud my judgement for decision-making.  If I allowed those to take hold, I would not be able to step out of my house.  For all those that I willingly gave my trust and respect to, only to have them disrespect me with their inability to maintain my trust is reason alone to not step out.  But for each person this has happened with, they have given me blessings beyond measure - they taught me about pain, about hurt, about strength.  For all those that broke my heart, treating it as an option within their lives, they have taught me the value of love that is unconditional from not only my Heavenly Father, but also the love I am able to give.  For all those who caused issues within my life, they remind me of how sacred a life in peace is.  For all those who misused my friendship, who dashed my hopes, or did not live up to what they presented themselves as - they have given me a guideline for what I do want in my life.

All those moments all have given me a road map for what I do want in my life.  Instead of disrupting my faith, they have given me the hope to know things will not always be as they are when I am suffering.  There is more for me to accomplish, more to do.  There is more for me to see, more to offer. 

Life moves on.  

I am either moving with it, or I am being run over by it.  

And I am not choosing the latter.