Til there was you

"Come in, 

I've been expecting you
There's a knock on the door and 

love walks through
And lights a fire and 

smiles a smile
As if love were going to stay a while

And the fire breathes and 

weaves it's spell
But then 

love runs out of lies to tell
For love is restless, 

love's a flirt
Love has places to go, 

and people to hurt
So here's the shovel to smother the flame
Tomorrow you'll barely remember my name

And I'll try to forget you, 

my dearest one
As a prisoner tries to forget the sun
For life holds no purpose,

and love holds no charms
Since I beheld you 

in another's arms."

Poem from 'Til There Was You

Know my heart, and you will then know me

Know my heart, and you will then know me

Understand why I feel as I do

And you would be able to capture my heart

Forever

I am four years old, holding onto my dad's leg 

As I am meeting new people for the first time

Shy as shy can be, hoping to melt into his pant leg

Hoping he can protect me
From the threats of the outside world

I am eight, mom holding me while I cry

We say goodbye to friends and all that was familiar

Unsure of change, unsure of what lies ahead

Only knowing I will never play with these friends again

As we move to a new home, new life
Several states away

I am twelve, unsure of who I am

Attempting to understand the world

Uncomfortable with feelings and changes going on

As I am entering my teenage years

But too afraid to let anyone know

I am eighteen, leaving home for the first time

Unable to say goodbye to my parents as I pull out of the driveway
For fear I would change my mind and stay

A mixture of joy and sadness at the thought

That when I wake up in the morning I won't have 

My family beside me

I am twenty, in love for the first time

Holding the hand of a man I love

He has just asked me to marry him

I never thought I would feel so beautiful
So special, so loved

As I did in that one moment

I am twenty-two, mesmerized by the ability 

To love someone so tiny who

Demonstrates unconditional love daily

Her tiny hands, tiny feet

Sleepless nights always forgotten in the morning

 When I smell her baby skin against mine

I am twenty-five, chasing after two small people
The tiny person that once was
Is now able to do "everything" on her own
The new baby born eighteen short months later
Is learning to do this as well
While I am happy they can feed themselves, and get dressed on their own
I miss the days of nap times where we could cuddle
And they fit so perfectly on my chest.

I am twenty-seven, quietly attempting to heal

My broken heart 

The man I loved has hurt me 

A hurt surpassing all understanding to continue
Life as we had both known

I did my best, hung in as long as I could
But in the end

I left with two small people, hoping to avoid
A continuing of further pain

I am thirty, learning to love again

Learning to believe again
Learning to trust again

Learning to live again

Now on my own, the two small people are getting taller
Both attending school

I am learning once again to not be afraid of

 My own shadow

I am thirty-four, unsure of what the world wants

If the past is any indication
And experiences of relationships repeat themselves

My heart needs to know if will I 

Forever be alone?

Trying to determine if I want to move forward
And in moving forward, how?

Knowing I can never return to the past

Unsure of my next steps

And praying all will come together eventually

My heart, so often bruised in the past
Resilient beyond an earthly sense of clarity

Always willing to forgive, 

Always willing to attempt something new
Always learning 

Always forced to move on 

Know my heart, and you will then know me

A little girl in a woman's body

Still shy as shy can be

Unsure of the changes around her but

Afraid to let anyone know 

A mixture of sadness at the thought

I never will feel beautiful again

That hurt will continue to surpass all understanding

Understand why I feel as I do
Offer me comfort, lend me your strength
Be fearless in your love of and for me
Never let me go

And you would capture my heart

Forever

~RAL

Favorite movie quotes

I am not one for retaining movie lines word for word like others.  The last time I was able to recite a movie line for line was Pretty Woman, and I was 15 years old.  But I enjoy others who have this ability to retain what others may see as useless information.  I have a friend who can recite Monty Python, Fletch, and Airplane movie lines as if she watched the movie a few minutes ago.

But for all the inability to retain such knowledge, there are a few lines I will retain.  One liners, really.  Out of context the average listener would not understand the reference. Once explained, they may still scratch their head in wonder of why I retained that one line out of so many others...For all it is worth, here is a list of movie quotes I can refer.

Gone with the Wind

Rhett Butler:
Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
     ------------------
Scarlett O'Hara:
After all, tomorrow is another day.

National Lampoon's European Vacation
Clark Griswold:
Look kids, Big Ben!

A Bronx Tale
Lorenzo Anello: 
The saddest thing in life is wasted talent

Pulp Fiction
Jules:

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.

Pretty Woman
Vivien:
Well color me happy!  There's a sofa in here for two!
     ------------------ 
Vivian:
Oh honey.  You know what's happened?  I have a runner in my panty hose...I'm not wearing panty hose!

Best in Show
Gerry Fleck:
I can't dance, I can't dance, I've got two left feet!
Cookie Fleck:
I thought he was kidding.
Gerry Fleck:
But I wasn't. I was born with two left feet.
      ------------------
Sherri Ann Cabot:
Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about. 
     ------------------
Gerry Fleck:
Well you must be very "proud Mary".
Scott Donlan:
Oh my goodness. Who are you all of a sudden?
Stefan Vanderhoof:
Good baby boomer gag.
Cookie Fleck:
Who's that in the burgundy jacket? Mr Hip.

The Hangover
Officer Franklin:
Not you fat Jesus, slide it on back.

Back to the Future
Marty McFly:
Whoa, this is heavy.
Dr. Emmett Brown:
There's that word again; "heavy". Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the earth's gravitational pull?
      ------------------
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Then tell me, "Future Boy", who's President in the United States in 1985?
Marty McFly:
Ronald Reagan.
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Ronald Reagan? The actor?
Dr. Emmett Brown:
Then who's VICE-President? Jerry Lewis?  I suppose Jane Wyman is the First Lady!


The Devil Wears Prada
Emily:
Andrea, my God! You look so chic.
Andy Sachs:
Oh, thanks. You look so thin.
Emily:
Really? It's for Paris, I'm on this new diet. Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.

Breakfast at Tiffany's
Holly Golightly:
Promise me one thing: don't take me home until I'm drunk - very drunk indeed.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Sloane:
The city looks so peaceful from up here.
Ferris:
Anything is peaceful from one thousand, three hundred and fifty-three feet.
Cameron:
I think I see my dad.
      ------------------
Economics Teacher:
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
Simone:
Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious. 
     ------------------
Grace:

Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.

      ------------------
Ferris:

Cameron has never been in love - at least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work. 

A League of Their Own
Jimmy Dugan:
There's no crying in baseball!!

Airplane!
Striker:
Surely you can't be serious!
Rumack:
I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

Fight Club
Tyler Durden:   

The first rule of Fight Club is - you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is - you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

Ghost
Sam:  
Ditto

Until the next time

When in matters of the heart and mind
My mind may understand the distance
But my heart is clearly confused by the separation.

The days seem so much longer now
With waking hours containing thoughts of you
The nights not long enough
Where dreams fade quickly as the dawn light breaks into my bedroom

What I want most is to simply
Hold your hand, see your smile
Feel your breath upon my skin

The sound of your voice
Your scent, your humor
All the moments big and small
My thoughts, desires, dreams, and fears
All stirring within my atmosphere
My only wish is to simply be with you again

And while I wait to see you again
Long for the moment to stand by your side
Feel your arms around me as we embrace
My heart does not know the difference between
A minute or a week without you near
It only knows an emptiness that can only be filled
When you are near

Until the next time, when I can have you next to me
I will remain hopeful of your return to me
Until the next time, when I can hold your body close to mine
I will believe you are thinking of me too

Until the next time
Whenever my heart and mind cannot compete
But enjoy you once again, and know
We are where we need to be.

~RAL

Let Me Go

Let me go with dignity and grace,
But let's not pretend we can move forward
Don't pretend this is worth a fight
Because if it was you would
Have already made the effort

Tell me it is over
Let me go without delay
Stop telling me you care when
You have already forgotten my name

You told me this was real,
You told me you cared
In the end you played me like
A game to win
To conquer
And move on to the next

You walk away from me so easily
Disregard my feelings so callously
Then play off them so pretentiously
I am left in the emotional ruins
Of thoughts and words from the past
Foolishly having faith for a future
But "future" was never an intention
You wanted to make

~RAL

The silence that echos
So deftly through the air
With nothing but a memory
Of all that once was, and now is
So quietly gone

The silence that echoes
So strong, so loud
Isn't it ironic that in the silence
A deafening can occur
Numbness, defeat, and
Reminisce
Of all that was, all that could be
And all that will never be shared

I would have taken you as my partner
I would have loved you as best I could
But in the end, just silence
Silence and the occasional tear
With nothing left to spare

At what point did you choose
To take your heart and walk away
To never look back to see
If I was still standing there
At what point did you decide
I was not worth your time
I was not what you wanted, and
To leave without even a goodbye

And in my heart,
So fragile, so bruised
All the questions that still remain
I will take these things as ever present wounds
On love's great lost battle plain
The loss of holding you in my arms
The loss of hearing you call my name
To end with never yet again

For in the war of love and loss
I am once again the loser
Trapped inside this empty shell
Of what was once so grand
I am the one who is left behind
The one to pick up the empty pieces of my life
And hope to never again feel this pain
And wander through this life alone

~RAL

when do i miss you?

when do i miss you?
how can i count the ways

i miss you in the morning

when I awake without you near

i miss you as i go about my day

wondering if you miss me as well

and if you are doing okay

i miss you walking through my front door

after the end of a long work day

and i miss you in the night

as i drift to sleep without your body next to mine

bittersweet sadness introduces itself

with every smile that may cross my face and

sink into my heart

at the odd realization you are not there to witness

even an ounce of joy since you are not near

yet the sound of your voice on

the other end of the phone is music to my ears

rejuvenating my soul

as i imagine your scent, your eyes, your smile, your face gazing back at mine

the thought of your lips upon mine once again

your arms encircling me again with your embrace

or your hand wrapped, intertwined within mine

keep my hopes eternal until

we can be together again

when do i miss you?

every moment of my waking day

with every action, every movement i may make

every thought, every wish

every prayer, and every dream

~RAL