Listening is an art-form, not an option

 

It is funny the number of times you may be requested throughout your life to listen.   From something as simple as listening to instructions to perform an action, to more complicated where you are asked to listen to someone else regarding their feelings, it seems we are all asked to listen.  I think the hardest part of performing this action of listening is the time it may take to allow the other person to say what they need to say, and feeling like you are given the same respect in time given to you when talking.  

Listening is not something we are all able to do.  There are going to be people you encounter who simply do not know how to listen to another person.  They are too concerned about what they need to counteract with, too concerned how your thoughts are impacting them.  Too concerned with themselves to clearly listen to you.  They may be distracted, not really paying attention to the words you are saying.  They may be doing something else, and not focusing on what you are revealing to them.  And once this happens, it may not be possible to get your thoughts out.

This is where I feel I am right now...that struggle between having so much to say, 

and not knowing if I will be heard.

If I were able to talk, able to get it all out, that would be one thing.  But I also suffer from my mind and mouth not being on the same page, and therefore unable to verbalize what it is I am trying to say. It is a catch-22 no matter how I try to work on it.  The words of my mouth sometimes do not always convey what my heart and hand are able to spell out on paper, physical or virtual.  My heart, where my pain or joy resides; my heart, where my truest of intentions resides is sometimes afraid to vocally come out of the dark.  

So, in listening to others, to listen to what they are troubled by, excited by, or otherwise feeling is where I feel strength at times.  I listen to others, believe what they say, take them at their word, and remember their words for future reference.  It is also in listening you discover much about the other person...their own pain that may mirror your own, their joy that may be shared within your own heart, that essence of who they are, and what they are.  In their words, and the actions that may follow, you are able to develop a keen sense of who they are.  

Maya Angelou once was quoted as saying "When a person shows you who they are, believe them." If I am so busy focusing on my own thoughts, how am I able to listen to them.  And in my own fixation on my thoughts, how do I ever expect to hear what they are saying to discover who they are, both good or bad.  Listening is not an option, or something you do every once in a while.  Listening is an art form, that must be practiced on a daily basis, in every interaction and confrontation you may have.  In listening, you allow the other person to learn how to also listen to you, and to have your own voice heard.  That interaction and reaction does not come when you are focused on yourself, but rather when you take the time to focus on the other person.  It is a dual communication between both parties that allows for the greatest of resolution to occur.

My hurting heart

I am stubborn.  I am not someone that allows others into my realm very often to see my fears, my doubts, my needs.  I don't ask for help, and certainly do not walk around telling everyone my business.  I don't want others to see me in pain, or see if I am hurting.  And sometimes this results in my inability to accept help, and my ability to push others away.  Subconsciously or consciously I am afraid to let others in when I need help, request help, or even allow someone else to help me.  I am close-guarded with my feelings, close-guarded with my heart.  I don't want to be someone's project to work on, or feel pity due to my mistakes or actions.  I don't want anything else but a hug, someone to be there, holding my hand, and telling me regardless of my mistakes, they will be there for me with the understanding that if I do make a mistake I learn from it, hoepfully not to repeat it again.

I don't feel the need to project an image of myself to others that is false; I just don't want to allow them into my thoughts to safeguard my own heart.  I don't feel the need to be perfect in front of others; I just don't want anyone to worry about me.  And it takes someone very special to unlock the padlock and come inside.

My questions, my needs, my desires can not be answered in a small way.  And when attempting to apologize for something I have done wrong, it is difficult to express exactly what I would like to say without feeling completely disrobed.  My ability to write about how I feel has always been my method for expression.  But in life, you cannot carry around a tablet to write your emotions.  And once something is said, you cannot take a giant eraser and remove the comment.  It is there - hanging in the air like a giant storm cloud waiting to produce a downpour. For all the reflection back on this pain, it seems I am drowning in a pool without a life vest or lifeguard on duty.  The life vest would be forgiveness, and the lifeguard would the person I hurt. 

I try to not be insensitive toward others.  I would never outright do something hurtful to another person, regardless of how I am feeling myself.  I do not use others words and feelings as a method of exploitation.  I don't typically use others words against them in a way that makes them reconsider sharing in the first place.  Because I am so sensitive myself, I try to not hurt someone else.  But still, there is no reason for my actions, and nothing I feel I can do to remedy the situation.  And there are not enough ways to say you are sorry when you have hurt someone else - it is unfortunately up to them to reciprocate, to come back, to forgive, and to move forward. 


In looking back, there are so many things I wish I could do differently.  The words that escaped my mouth that caused pain, the actions that created an alienation.  Most of this is a blur, and not something I can take back.  It has been a very difficult week with many roller coaster emotions and confusion, intense moments and things shared.  Some things good, some things not so good.  I am really struggling, but keep praying.  My heart is hurting, my head is spinning. And I feel I messed up in ways I can never make up for.

If I could remove all the hurt I caused, I would.  If I could offer any words, do anything to help create a salve on the wound of this other person's heart, I would not stop until the wound healed.  My only hope is that I am given another chance.  That my words and actions are forgiven, healing can begin, and our journey continues on the same path together.

That little green monster

In all of us there lurks that little green monster...the one who shows up when we least expect it, and truly rears it's ugly head.  That little green monster of jealousy, envy, or desire for something we do not have.

It is amazing that the older I get, the more I run into this in all different scenarios.  There is the person at work who makes nasty comments toward others, while in their presence.  With no rhyme or reason for this, they decide that showing this side of themselves somehow makes them appear better than others, which, of course, is completely untrue.  Truth is, they lack the self-confidence to improve upon themselves, and instead make others appear ridiculous to increase their attractiveness.

There is the former friend who would belittle me in front of others...yes, I said former friend.  She would try to make me look bad or stupid for the sake of making herself appear superior.  It would come at the least known moments...moments where I was on a date with someone new, and she would attempt to make herself look better than me all while she sat next to her boyfriend.

Another friend who complains about not being included in situations she has purposely said she does not want to participate in, making others involved feel like they now need to bend over backwards to suit her.

The fact is, that little green monster can occur with scenarios listed above, or when we feel like we are not being included to the extent we would like.  There is no right or wrong in dealing with this.  The only thing we can do is focus on how we behave.

If we feel we are not on the same level or insecure around others, instead of berating another person, we should focus on investigating why we feel insecure.  Do we feel they are smarter than us?  Do we feel they know how to do something better than us?  Do we feel others like them more than us?  Once identifying those feelings, it is time to do something about it.  If you feel someone else knows more than you do, practice...learn and explore, and keep exploring.  Don't take out all your frustrations on others...you will never win this way.

If you feel you are left out or excluded, try to become more friendly and approachable.  Try going outside your own comfort zone and participate...you may be surprised at how much easier it is to enjoy your time at something you may not find as interesting, but recognizing the company is what is important.  Stepping outside my own comfort zones, doing something that helps to overcome those feelings is what will helps me to deal with the ugly green monster.  I will never know how to do everything that everyone else knows, but I can become a master of my own interests.  I may never be as pretty, as popular, or as polite as some others, but I can work on myself, learn what I do like about myself, and work on what I do not like, increasing my abilities to accept others instead of comparing or analyzing myself next to others.  And when I feel I am being a victim of someone else's monster, I have learned to just let things go.  There is no sense in attempting to understand or sometimes approach the issue.  Letting go, letting them discover on their own is much better in the long run.

It's not much, but it's all I have

Giving your heart to someone else is risky business. There is the fear your heart may be broken, or that the feeling may not be returned.  There is the unknown factor that always accompanies the thought of allowing another into your heart, as well.  Will they be there for you in time of happiness when you want to tell them great news?  Will they be there, holding your hand, after a rough day, or even more - will they remain by your side when you feel everyone else has left?

When we give our hearts to another person, we want them to accept it, and us, with open arms. Our thought process changes from 'I' to 'we'.  We want to be seen as a cherished, precious gift in their lives because this is how we view them within our lives.  And for all the moments we had before knowing them, and before giving our hearts where we wondered if we would find someone, new moments enter where we share giggles, glances, minutes and hours attempting to ensure we make the other person happy.  It is not about the individual any longer.  It is now about working together as a team.

Giving your heart to someone is not the act of relinquishing our own personal identities, but growing into a new reality where math solutions are irrational of 1+1=1.

When we give our hearts to another, we realize the safety once felt in only relying upon ourselves must be adjusted.  We must allow the other person into the secret hallways of our thoughts, once only reserved for private thoughts.  In giving our hearts to another, we must remember that sharing our dreams, our hopes, and our desires is just as important as allowing the other person to also see our fears, our insecurities, and our needs.  It is in the action of admitting you sometimes need help that creates a stronger union, not the ability to maintain and take care of business all on your own.  If that were the case, what is the other person there for?  

Why allow someone into the foyer, the doorway of your heart, but not allow them into the actual home to wander around the hallways, the different rooms, and sometimes help when repair may be needed?

I have been fortunate enough to feel both sides of a person's heart.  Moments where I was excluded from his heart because he could take care of things on his own, and didn't want my help.  While the latter always reminded me he was able to do things on his own, as a stubborn 2 year old may attempt to struggle doing things on his own to show they are growing up, the relationship was never truly able to progress.  Focus was more on the individual rather than the couple.  Moments where his fears are shared, true emotion was shown, and a stronger union was formed.  These examples are from 2 separate people, and 2 separate scenarios, different relationships,and different stages of a relationship. But none-the-less, the intent remains the same where one person allowed me in, and the other continuously forced me out.  

I don't have much.  I am not the prettiest girl in the world.  I am also not the thinnest, the funniest, the smartest, the bravest, or the most compassionate.  I don't have a pocketbook filled with money, and will probably always have the need to work in order to pay my bills.  But when my heart is given to someone else, it is from a place of not only sentiment, but also in genuine effort to support the other person as best I can, ensure they know I am there for them, and help them accomplish their goals, their desires, and their dreams as I would hope they would do in return for me.  When my heart is given, it is not at a whim, but rather in sincerity.  In this, I don't have to be all those things I listed that I may not be.  I only have to be me.  I only have to be who I am, the person he also chose to give his heart to.

When do words we use become meaningless

I have focused much on words for the past few years...whether this be in acquiring new linguistic talents, or the words I use while speaking with others.  It occurred to me there are many times I have been disappointed by the words of another person.  It could be the intention of the words but lack of follow through that left me dismayed.  Or feeling I was important through what was said, only to realize I was 'a dime a dozen' based on the same sentiment being used toward many, and I was just a number in the end.  It is my hope this year to convey my words in a constructive manner.  The use of my words should be intentional, but also from the heart rather than forced.

There are many words I may use to emote how I am feeling, what I am feeling, or how I may see things.  For some, I may use certain nicknames that are strictly reserved for them.  For others, it may be a saying, a quote, a word that conveys a previous moment in time that we only know the origins.

But it is the words I may share with those I love that should never be shared with others.  And maybe this is not recognized by others, but to me, I don't appreciate these words, nicknames, and/or symbols being used for the general public.

I don't walk around calling everyone 'hun' like Flo from Mel's Diner.  First off, I cannot stand that term 'hun', and see it as more of a derogatory term due to every jerk-wad male who thinks he owns the world, and all those in it.  Coming from an older woman, the term 'hun' may mean a sign of affection, or that she sees me as young, and therefore someone she can talk to as if I was her child...no thank you.  I don't call people by terms of endearment unless I feel that comfortable with them that I know they will see my intention that this is, in fact, reserved for them alone.  I call my guy 'babe'...I don't go around calling other people that; it is reserved for him (and maybe the off chance I call my kids that).  I would never want this nickname to be used in such a general way that when he hears it, it no longer makes him feel special...Same thing with symbols...I may use the smiley symbol of :) with friends, but the symbol of ;-) is used only for the person I am dating.  It is a sign of affection to me.

The words we use toward others, for others, about others can be a source of inspiration, or a source of contention.  I would rather have my words, and my actions, be a source of intentional, purposeful, meaningful source for those I love, and those I know, rather than feeling they are being assaulted when I open my mouth. We only have a short time here on earth with those we love in the grand retrospect of the grandeur of space, time, and history.  I would rather have my words be used to uplift someone, help someone, offer courage when needed than have mindless dribble.

Disappointment in others

What is the worst thing someone can say to you when you have done something that hurts them? For me, it isn't that they may be upset, or that they are mad. It is that they feel disappointment in me.

Disappointment - that moment where you feel or know that something is not right, and there is no way to really recover without much time to reflect. When disappointment enters a situation, trust exits. And once trust exits, what is left? What can you do other than try to repair what is damaged, still hoping things will not maintain as they are now. How do you recover from feeling disappointed, and begin to trust again?

I think back on all the moments someone has wronged me in some way, it was the disappointment that hurt most when thinking of their actions. That feeling of being let down, of knowing they could do more or do something better, but they simply chose to do differently. That feeling of wondering if they will act that way again in the future, and wondering if I will be able to trust them now as I trusted them before the event occurred.

I recognize that I may be more sensitive than others. I may take things more to heart than others. And while I may appear to be hard on the outside, or someone who is "religious" it does not equate to what is within my heart. I AM sensitive, and don't like feeling like I am being pulled in a million directions. I am not hard. And while I am spiritual, I do not appreciate having others use this as a weapon of choice, or the topic of conversation when discussing me. I don't push my thoughts onto you, and I certainly don't push my political or religious thoughts onto you. Don't use that as a weapon in describing me to others. If the worst I do is pray and listen to Christian music - who gives a rat's ass...how is this hurting you? I am not praying around you...so leave it alone.

This has happened recently to me multiple times with the same person. Again and again I feel let down by this person. Comments have been made that hurt my feelings, and at the same time this feeling of disappointment where I wonder if they even care that their words were used to run me over. Actions, also, where they decide to do something that really is beyond my expectations in the opposite manner than I care for. It isn't that I want to feel disappointment; I believe I just hold certain things more reverently than they do. Some actions and words said would never be part of my thinking process out of respect for this person. I would never try to look better than this person. Yet, there are times this occurs and I feel like I have been run over by the express bus from hell.

I try to not damage my relationships, but I feel this person has overstepped their boundaries in areas of my relationships, and it is hard to talk about my feelings. The manner in which I have been hurt is something I suppose I need to get over, but will the other people in my relationships that were discussed feel differently due to what was said? Will it damage the overall health of the relationship that I hold very closely to my heart? Will the other shoe fall and something else is said that hurts, that damages both personal and professional relationships? I suppose time will only tell. Time will be the only judge of how things will end up.

To be disappointed in others in more than just feeling uneasy, feeling distrust. It is a method of pushing me away. Whether these actions have been on purpose, because they are upset at someone else, or unaware of how their words may hurt - don't bring me into the mix when all I do is support you in every effort you do. In the end, I don't want to be part of your personal train wreck simply because you were having a bad moment.

Liars

What bothers me is not that you lied; it is that you took the time to lie in the first place.

Here is the thing - we all lie.  It is in our nature to lie starting with Adam and Eve.  It may be unintentional, by gossip, or by wanting to not hurt someone.  A lie can be as simple as avoiding a situation by saying you have something else to do, to omitting the key parts of a story, all the way up to just staring at someone, looking them straight in the eyes, and telling them some fabrication that you think is justified...

It isn't the lying, the omission, or the avoidance that hurts...it is that someone has actually taken the time to think about what they would say to you, told you, then hoped you would believe them...

...and I, for one, am tired of being lied to.  Here is the other thing; most people will accept the lies rather than face the truth. They would rather live in the land of "Ignorance is bliss" than face reality.  Once faced with the reality they are even more hurt due to all the signs being there the whole time, and the excuses or reasonable doubt given now become part of the lie originally told.

I am not sure what makes someone feel like lying is ever the best option, either.  Sure, you are trying to avoid an argument, or trying to not hurt someone else's feelings.  That is what you say.  But did you ever stop to consider how that person will feel once they learn of your misdeeds?  Do you not realize that eventually, and most likely sooner than later, all lies come into the forefront, and then what?  Once that level of deception unravels, what is next?  Do you tell the person you are sorry?  Do you explain yourself away in hopes of alleviating further damage?  Oh, I know - you lie some more to cover your tracks... you think the more you cover it up, the better it will be, and the longer it will take before the truth may come out.  But that is never the case.  

There is a song that always reminds me of this, called "Over my head", by The Fray.  The lyrics describe this so perfectly:

"I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth"

It is not just the person who takes the time to lie, but others who may know more, but don't bother to tell you.  Those that know more, and when asked avoid the issue.  It is not their fight to fight may be their thinking.  And, they are right. It is not their place to have to explain something.  But they also run the risk of being guilty by association, and sometimes in covering someone else's lie, it also becomes yours.  If you don't want to be associated with the behavior, don't accept the responsibility of falsehood due to allegiance. 

I am not saying that I have been perfect, and never said something just to make someone else feel better.  I am not saying I have not omitted something to save face.  I have just learned after being lied to that it doesn't do any good.  If I don't want to do something, I will tell you.  If I don't like something, I will let you know.  If I say I will do something, like something, want to try something - it is genuinely because I want to do it and not in hopes of being nice to you.  I see no reason to prolong the inevitable simply because I am trying to avoid an issue. 

Respect me.  I don't want to be lied to.  You may need to break it to me gently, but still break it to me.  Don't make me question my own thoughts or beliefs, don't allow me to continue in the land of ignorance.  Let me know so that I can move on, get over it, and heal from what has occurred.  Because, as I previously mentioned, I will eventually find out, and once I do, I will not have any more respect for you.  And along with the lack of respect also will come the need to exorcise you and every part of you from my life. But then, maybe that doesn't bother you considering you felt the need to disrespect me and lie in the first place. 

Strange English slang words

And then you have those words that are more slang than real...


Erinaceous - Like a hedgehog

Lamprophony - Loudness and clarity of voice

Depone - To testify under oath

Finnimbrun - A trinket or knick-knack

floccinaucinihilipilification - Estimation that something is valueless. Proper pronunciation based on Latin roots: flockə-nowsə-nəkələ-pələ-fək-ation.

Inaniloquent - Pertaining to idle talk

Limerance - An attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love.

Mesonoxian - Pertaining to midnight

Mungo - A dumpster diver - one who extracts valuable things from trash

Nihilarian - A person who deals with things lacking importance (pronounce the ‘h’ like a ‘k’).

Nudiustertian - The day before yesterday

Phenakism - Deception or trickery

Pronk - A weak or foolish person

Pulveratricious - Covered with dust

Rastaquouere - A social climber

Scopperloit - Rude or rough play

Selcouth - Unfamiliar, rare, strange, marvelous, wonderful. For example: The List Universe is such a selcouth website!

Tyrotoxism - To be poisoned by cheese

Widdiful - Someone who deserves to be hanged

Zabernism - The abuse of military power or authority. I wonder how long it will take for this one to show up in the comments.

Words I find interesting

The words we use to convey a message are just as important as the message we would like to deliver.  They can help others form an educated opinion of what we are speaking of, how we may feel about the subject, and where we intend to go with the message we are delivering.

In 2008, I made a New Years resolution to learn a new word a week. I learned new words that were interesting, and eventually became part of my regular usage...since then I have "collected" words to remember and to use instead of similar words that can relay a similar message.

While I did not learn a new word a week that year (I stopped somewhere in September), I did learn the value of knowing additional meanings, finding the unique aspect of how I speak.

Now, if only I could find other words to use instead of situation, scenario, circumstance, and moment, I will be on my way to better writing for 2011...that is my goal for this year, the goal of writing my words better, speaking my words more clearly, and understanding the need to enrich my life with additional verbage.
 ________________
fulsome - (adjective ) [foo l-suh m, fuhl-]

1. offensive to good taste, esp. as being excessive; overdone or gross: fulsome praise that embarrassed her deeply; fulsome décor.
2. disgusting; sickening; repulsive: a table heaped with fulsome mounds of greasy foods.
3. excessively or insincerely lavish: fulsome admiration.
4. encompassing all aspects; comprehensive: a fulsome survey of the political situation in Central America.
5. abundant or copious.
 ________________
desideratum - (noun, plural -ta )[dih-sid-uh-rey-tuh m, -rah-, -zid-]

1. something wanted or needed.
 ________________
jejune - (adjective ) [ji-joon]

1. without interest or significance; dull; insipid: a jejune novel.
2. juvenile; immature; childish: jejune behavior.
3. lacking knowledge or experience; uninformed: jejune attempts to design a house.
4. deficient or lacking in nutritive value: a jejune diet.
 ________________
effete - (adjective ) [ih-feet]

1. lacking in wholesome vigor; degenerate; decadent: an effete, overrefined society.
2. exhausted of vigor or energy; worn out: an effete political force.
3. unable to produce; sterile.

________________
enormity – (noun, plural -ties) [ih-nawr-mi-tee]

1.outrageous or heinous character; atrociousness: the enormity of war crimes.

2.something outrageous or heinous, as an offense: The bombing of the defenseless population was an enormity beyond belief.

3.greatness of size, scope, extent, or influence; immensity: The enormity of such an act of generosity is staggering.

________________
esoteric – (adjective) [es-uh-ter-ik]

1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions.
2. belonging to the select few.
3. private; secret; confidential.
4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras.

________________
counterpart – (noun)  [koun-ter-pahrt]

1. a person or thing closely resembling another, esp. in function: Our president is the counterpart of your prime minister.
2. a copy; duplicate.
3. Law . a duplicate or copy of an indenture.
4. one of two parts that fit, complete, or complement one another.

________________
prevaricate – (verb -used without object, -cat·ed, -cat·ing.) [pri-var-i-keyt]

1. to speak falsely or misleadingly; deliberately misstate or create an incorrect impression; lie.

________________
proscribe – (verb -used with object, -scribed, -scrib·ing.) [proh-skrahyb]

1. to denounce or condemn (a thing) as dangerous or harmful; prohibit.
2. to put outside the protection of the law; outlaw.
3. to banish or exile.
4. to announce the name of (a person) as condemned to death and subject to confiscation of property.

________________
transgression– (noun) [trans-gresh-uh n, tranz-]

1. an act of transgressing; violation of a law, command, etc.; sin.
________________
turbid – (adjective) [tur-bid]

1. not clear or transparent because of stirred-up sediment or the like; clouded; opaque; obscured: the turbid waters near the waterfall.
2. thick or dense, as smoke or clouds.
3. confused; muddled; disturbed.

________________
compunction – (noun) [kuh m-puhngk-shuh n]

1. a feeling of uneasiness or anxiety of the conscience caused by regret for doing wrong or causing pain; contrition; remorse.
2. any uneasiness or hesitation about the rightness of an action.

________________
inveigh – (verb -used without object) [in-vey]

1.to protest strongly or attack vehemently with words; rail (usually fol. by against ): to inveigh against isolationism.

________________
exigent – (adjective) [ek-si-juh nt]

1. requiring immediate action or aid; urgent; pressing.
2. requiring a great deal, or more than is reasonable.

________________
emote – (verb -used without object, e·mot·ed, e·mot·ing.) [ih-moht]

1. to show or pretend emotion: to emote over the beauties of nature.
2. to portray emotion in acting, esp. exaggeratedly or ineptly; behave theatrically: The actress emoted for all she was worth.

________________
hebetude (noun) [HEB-i-tood', HEB-i-tyood']

1. mental lethargy or dullness: "Ken avoided my simple questions, not with artful equivocation, but with blunt herbetude and blank stares, as if I was speaking another language."
adjective form: hebetudinous
________________
sang-froid (noun) [sawn-FRWAW]

1. great coolness and composure, especially under strain; calmness: "Maya approached her boss with a series of biting criticisms, and she withstood his firestorm response with a sang-froid that only upset him further."
________________
stoicism (noun) [STOE-i-siz'-ahm]

1. an indifference to pleasure or pain; stolidity; impassiveness: "Once his team had sunk to a sufficient depth in the league standings, Anthony would regress into a dour stoicism, beyond reach for the rest of the year."
2. the philosophical system and maxims of the Stoics, founded by the Greek philosopher Zeno, about 308 B.C.
________________
williwaw noun[WIL-ee-wah']

1. a violent gust of cold wind or squall blowing from a mountainous region towards the sea, especially near polar latitudes, such as the Straights of Magellan
2. any sudden gust of cold wind: "A brisk williwaw shot over us soon as we opened the door to exit the movie theater, and our advance tickets went soaring down the block."
________________
somnolent (adjective) [SOM-nah-lahnt]

1. feeling sleepy or drowsy: "The sun came pouring through the windows, filtered gently through the greenery of surrounding trees, warming my skin and leaving me somnolent and content on the couch."
2. inducing sleep, or apt to induce sleep  adverb form: somnolently
________________
confabulate (intransitive verb)[kahn-FAB-yah-layt']

1. to have an informal, easy conversation; chat: "He was a brilliant educator who always made time to confabulate with students."
2. (as in psychology) to fill in gaps in memory with fabricated accounts of events that one believes are true  noun forms: confabulation, confabulator adjective form: confabulatory
________________
pneumatic (adjective) [noo-MAT-ik, nyoo-MAT-ik]

1. of, relating to, or involving air, gases, or wind: "Judith kept her windows sealed and the air conditioner and air purifier humming to fully regulate the pneumatic environment of her apartment."
2. of or relating to pneumatics (the branch of physics dealing with the mechanical properties of air and other gases)
3. moved or operated by compressed air (usually a tool or machine); 'a pneumatic drill'
4. filled with air, especially compressed air; 'a pneumatic tire'
5. (as in zoology) having cavities filled with air, as the bones of many birds; 'pneumatic bones,' 'pneumatic cells'
6. of or relating to the pneuma (in Stoicism, the soul or spirit); spiritual
________________
stymie (transitive verb, noun)[STIE-mee]

1. to thwart, stump or present an obstacle to: "In the middle of the parking lot, the locking device designed to stymie shopping cart thieves clamped down on Bailey's cart, leaving him straining and cursing miserably."  noun
2. an obstacle that hinders progress
3. (as in golf) a situation in which an opponent's ball blocks the line between your ball and the hole
________________
benignant (adjective) [bi-NIG-nahnt]

1. favorable or beneficial: "We have been lucky to have had a benignant mayor that is sympathetic to our cause."
2. kind and gracious in appearance or conduct; 'a benignant king'  adverb form: benignantly

Ruthe's abridged dictionary

As any other person does, there are certain words or phrases I use when I am happy, upset, angry, disappointed...it is the nature of the beast in attempting communication with others.  We all have little things that are unique or at times used to express how we are feeling.

Below are a list of these words or phrases, and what they may mean.  Mind you, this is not a complete list of everything I may say to show happiness, sadness, satisfaction, dissatisfaction, or any other state of mind that may occur, but it is the most commonly used options.



"Is there anything I can do for you?"
This term is used when I want to have someone know I want to help them out as I can, and I would like to know what would be the most helpful for them at that moment.  I have found from my own personal situations that attempting to fix someone else's problems does not actually do anything but lead to resentment.  People often times do not need a band-aid for their issues, but rather someone to just listen to them, allow them to have a voice in airing whatever grievances they may be feeling.

Originally, I found this term very comforting when I was a stay-at-home mom, dealing with 2 children under the age of 2.  There were days I felt I was going to lose my mind.  The women from church would stop by or call me to say hello, and always ask me this question.  I found it to be both a sweet gesture, but also a gesture that showed their care of me, of my children, and of anything that may be helpful to my family.  In the years since then, it has provided much needed solace from the disruption of life's hiccups that may come my way. 

Look, I am not a mind-reader.  If you lose your keys and are craving an Icee from the convenience store, but don't tell me, chances are I won't run out and get you the Icee.  If you, however, tell me you need the Icee because you are having a bad day and lost your keys, consider it done.  You will also need to let me know what flavor you want.


"It's fine."
Depending upon the circumstance, usually this is signal for disappointment, or feelings of unhappiness with a situation.

"Fine"
Similar to the phrase "It's fine" this usually is being used at a time of disappointment, unhappiness or feeling misguided.

"K"
I am not happy at all with whatever is being presented. It can be a very docile way I am showing extreme displeasure.

"Sure"
Danger zone possibly ahead.  If I am agreeing with something, 9 out of 10 times the word 'yes' will be used.  This word may be used most often when being sarcastic or silly, but also when feeling forced to compromise on something I do not want to compromise on.

"Yep"
Typically, when using this term I am not happy, and trying to just compromise about whatever is being discussed.  Term has been used in a positive manner, but most the time this is a "Danger, Will Robinson" type of situation, so proceed with caution.


"Okay" or "OK"
The opposite of the initial K - this is where I am agreeing with something, and in favor of or finding favor with whatever I am agreeing about.

"Sounds good"
I am in agreement to the current situation, offer, suggestion at hand.

"I don't mind..."
Usually used when being asked my opinion, being asked to do something, or offering to do something.  When saying this, it really means I am willing to do whatever it is being asked.  No hidden translations, or second-guessing on my intentions are needed.

"Well..."
Usually starting off a sentence, this is used when attempting to agree or maybe ask for additional information.  It may also be used in a silly sarcastic manner to emphasize a point.  This word is harmless.

"I know"
This is a way of me agreeing with a statement, or finding similar ground with the other person.  Usually used when I am excited, and know becomes 2 syllables instead of 1.

"Make it happen"
This is a term that once adorned a wall within my former company.  Legend has it that a person had said it so often, the company owner / President decided to have it added to the wall quotes when moving into a newer office location.  When using this term, it is typically used in sarcasm and fun.  The term is not used for aggression or to show distaste for something.

"It's all good"
 Again, this is a term that I stared at for nearly a year at my former company.  This is another saying that is used sarcastically, but never to harm someone.

My own words I would say

Have you ever sat down with someone and told them your heart's song for them?  Told them how important they are to you, how each day is brighter due to their presence in your life?  Have you ever sent a letter to someone telling them how you love them, appreciate them, and know they have the ability to conquer and accomplish all their goals, dreams, and desires?  Have you ever said the words that can touch someone so deeply they are forever grateful?

When others allow you into their heart, when they share who they are, what they want, what they believe, it forges a different path than maybe you would have taken otherwise.  Our words to others are not that of "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."  Our words to others, followed by our actions, can create a bond between spirits.  Our words can give hope, can offer peace, and can establish joy within the hearts of others.

I am not sure if I do this for those around me on as regular a basis as I would like.  I attempt to always let others know how I feel, but sometimes feel I fall short when going through a regular day of frustration where my own world feels like it is ripping at the seams.

I recently received 2 forms of communication that shook me.  One was a letter mailed to me, unexpected, from my sister-in-law Jessica.  The other was an email received today, from a person I deeply care about and would do anything just to see them smile.  For the sake of this person, I will not mention names, but if you read this, you know who you are.

The letter from Jessica came on a day where I literally was so low in spirit.  I was struggling with not only the regular day emotions, but also huge questions about who I am, what am I doing, why do I suffer the way I do when it comes to certain things...I received the letter on November 20, just a few short weeks ago.  As I am reading this letter that was written on stationary with her handwriting, I was transformed to different periods of my life where things were much more stressful than today.  I was transformed to different periods of my life where I felt complete joy, complete love, and a blissful ignorance only time diminishes. Suddenly, I was 19 again, I was 23 again, I was 27 again, reliving all the wonderful and difficult phases I have grown through, and grown up to be the person I am today.  She was sharing with me her appreciation of who I was, how I live, and who I will be in the future.  She was telling me through every sentence how she loved me for me.  The words she wrote on paper were not just words - they were a song, a testament to love, to family, to strength, and to honor.  They were words I cannot even think of without becoming tearful with an overwhelming warmth of love for her, and who she is.  She didn't know the day I received this I would need it.  She put her faith in her actions, and realized she was doing this based out of her need to show her appreciation.  I have read this letter several times since, overcome with emotion each time.

The other, the email I received today, touched me in a different way.  It was not centered around me as the letter from Jessica.  It was someone sharing with me who they were, their fears, their uncertainty of what the future may offer, and how they were not sure how or what steps they would take.  It was someone telling me who they were in their thoughts. And while there was a mention regarding my strength, or willingness to give of myself, I do not believe that is why the email was sent to me.  I believe it was sent due to a longing to let out feelings that may otherwise be left to roam within their heart, unknown to many, unheard to all. 

My own words I would say to Jessica and the person very dear to me would include something similar to lyrics from my previous post below.  Some of my words will be shared with them individually, in a more private forum rather than in the world of internet searches.  But they would also include a special editorial note as follows that I am willing to share to the world, for all to see, without fear or reservation (with some of those lyrics included):

For Jessica, my sister in love, you are forever one of the strongest women I know.  From the time our lives became intertwined we have both had our ups and subsequent downs.  You have always put a brave face on for the world to see, and I am sure and know that is not always the easiest thing to do.  You demonstrate strength to a degree I will never be able to understand, but have also demonstrated such grace under pressure with all the hardships life has given.  We have grown together as individuals, and grown up together through our own hardships and joys.  To see you as a mother, holding your sons in your arms, to watch your love for them, the love you have for your husband, and the love you have for the Lord is truly an amazing event to see.  In these moments, you are at your most beautiful, for your love shines through you as rays of sunshine would light the sky at dawn.  Be strong in the Lord, never give up hope.  You’re going to do great things, I already know.  God’s got His hand on you so don’t live life in fear.  Forgive and forget.  But don’t forget why you’re here.  Take your time and pray. These are the words I would say.

To my very special friend, with whom my time has been shorter than others in my life, I want you to know your brilliance is beyond my understanding at times.  Your wit, your desire to achieve great things, and your tenacity at grabbing what you want (including my attention) can never be matched.  While most things are uncertain right now, I know you are going to set the world on fire.  You are nothing short of amazing, and I feel so blessed each day having you as part of my life.  Hold strong in your trust to do good. You have captured my heart in so many aspects of who you are, not what you are. Be strong in the Lord, never give up hope.  You’re going to do great things, I already know.  God’s got His hand on you so don’t live life in fear.   Forgive and forget.  But don’t forget why you’re here.  Take your time and pray. These are the words I would say.

More than just an option

I'm more than just an option

Refuse to be forgotten

I took a chance with my heart 

And I feel it taking over

I have been treated like someone else's option in the past.  There is nothing worse than placing someone as a priority in your life, making sure you include them in your thoughts, plans, and general daily on-goings when they see you as nothing more than someone they frequently talk to.  I have never been one to give half of myself for anything - so why would I want to give half of myself in a relationship.  I have never been one to accept myself as something you can treat as gently as a disposable water bottle you may or may not recycle.  Yet so many times I have been treated as such...an option to pick up or drop whenever someone whims may have changed.

Being treated as an option comes with many ups and downs.  Not only do you often feel taken advantage of, but you start to wonder the intention of any person you may meet.  Because you are seen so slightly in the eyes of a person you find so significant in your own world, you tend to see others in a way you normally would not.  Kindness becomes suspicion of what someone may want from you, or what they may take from you.  You no longer believe someone else when they tell you they will do something, call you, or help you.  You no longer find yourself looking at the world for possibilities for new adventure - you look at the world wondering when you will be able to see at all.

Being treated as an option has caused me to treat someone in my life as I would want to be treated...
I want to be treated with love, respect, and honor.

Being treated as an option has taught me how to treat others....
and never forgetting to tell them how important, wonderful, and special they are to me.

As an option, you may be considered great for the moment.  In my heart, this is not only confusing, but against what I want others to feel about themselves.  As an option you may often feel you are happy with the scraps.  In my mind, this goes against how I would ever want someone else to feel.  Engaging in, interacting in, and showing interest in the other person should never be an option, it should be the natural inclination toward allowing that person to know how you feel about them, where they stand, and where your feelings lie within.

There are many days where I feel forgotten.  And at that moment, something happens to let me know that may not be the case.  Forgotten in the sense that I begin to wonder what I am doing, what am I thinking in actually offering hope for my feelings.  Forgotten in the way you feel something may have changed without your knowledge, or maybe what you thought was there was not really truly there.  Due to being treated as an option before, I am more inclined to feel forgotten due to my own fears of being left behind. 

Treating someone as an option not only belittles their abilities to treat you with respect, it eventually erodes whatever type of intimacy you may have had in the past, or could have in the future.  You are telling that other person you feel so little of them that you are willing to put them on the back burner at the drop of a hat for something or someone else who may come along. You are either all the way in, or just get the hell out.  I am more than just an option - I have feelings, I have intelligence, and I have a heart.  If you can not understand this, please do me the favor of letting me out while I have dignity remaining.
 

 

Communication is a fine art

In today's world of multiple methods for communication, it always amazes me how lazy we may become with how we communicate.  We spend our time talking through email, IM, text, and social media sites with those we consider to be "friends" but have never met.  And the people we should be talking to - those we know in person, our families, our friends, our significant others are often the last people we may talk to.

In today's methods of communication, not only has our personal lives taken a steep decline but also our professional lives.  Managers no longer communicate to their staff regarding information, they start an instant message chain.  Co-workers no longer work together for an exchange of ideas; an email is sent with the information  hoping the recipient understands what is being presented.

Workplace instruction and communication
Communication is not only necessary for us to survive in the workplace, it is also essential to the overall health of our companies.  It is the need to share information in a clear and precise way that many today do not understand how to accomplish successfully, they do not even know where to begin in effectively delivering the information needed. Understanding the differences between how and when you communicate in an individual or group manner is highly desired by those in any company.

Communication in the working environment lends itself into not only satisfaction within one's work, but also a greater sense of community within a department or entire office.  There are times where disclosure for all information  is not necessary, but for the general priorities, tasks, and expectations - communication must occur.  There is no substitute to a well-informed team able to work independently due to understanding what is needed to happen.  A manager that communicates to his or her team allows those working with them to be able to accomplish more in a smaller gap of time.  A manager that offers regular and on-going communication allows those on their team the ability to accelerate at their positions.

Individual communication and instruction
Imagine being asked by a manager how you would like to have instruction given when being assigned a project. Imagine being asked if you preferred an overview of generalized concept, or details of what was needed for the project to be successful.  Add to this that you may never have completed a project similar to the task being given you.  If given the overview or general concept, you may be able to complete the project - but are you giving your company what was truly needed? You may be able to do what was needed, but it may also take you several attempts of and reviews for your work to complete the project.  Instead of knowing what was needed in the original request, you are now using valuable time making changes.

If given details of what was needed, you may be able to complete the project in a much more successful manner with items discussed being included.  Time spent making revisions decrease, and the information can be presented to your client or company in a more timely manner.  If asked to complete this task again, you would be able to learn from either method, and not require full details as you had originally.  But the difference between both scenarios is time.  Time, our most valuable commodity in any aspect of our lives.

Group instruction and communication
Communication should not be delivered in an unreliable medium.  These unreliable mediums may include use of group instant messaging meetings, or email to deliver new processes staff should follow without use of a prior meeting with your team.

Hosting a group meeting via instant messaging may allow your team to revisit what was discussed while in the meeting, but only if they were invited to the group meeting.  This, of course, is taking for granted your staff also save conversation history within the instant messaging products being used.  Often times this can be an issue where what is being said is understood differently than intended.  The time it takes for team members to reply to or respond to your comments may also be a drain on your resources.  Instant messaging is typically used for and should reside with quick responses,  not a method to deliver instructions to a team on new processes.

Email may be more reliable, but you also suffer the risk of the Reply All...The Reply All is where you may receive several emails from different people, each of which shares their own thoughts.  And for each person's thoughts you run the risk of duplication.  The time it took each person to write their response is now lost as every team member must now read each individual email, possibly have questions related to the content, and reply again...and the circle continues...and valuable time may be lost. 

Rather than expecting your staff to understand information in an instant message group meeting or email for important detail, the better option would be conducting a meeting the old fashioned way - face to face group meeting.  The 5 minutes you may spend trying to explain something in an IM or email could also be used in this other option.  If follow up is needed with the group you are meeting with, that is the time and place to allow this communication to be provided through IM or email.

These options may not work for all companies, or all situations within a company. There are scenarios that can not be thought of by those outside your company. The suggestions do, however, offer a better method for establishing inter-office communication which will lead to a happier staff knowing what is needed, and how you would like them to accomplish this.

Little White Lies

How many times have you told someone what seems to be a little white lie.  Whether it is that you were stuck in traffic rather than just simply running 5 minutes late, didn't feel like doing something but didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings, or were trying to avoid some type of issue later on, we unfortunately all tell little white lies.

I am not immune to this, and will admit to sometimes finding it easier to perform a little white lie over hurting someone else, or not doing something.  I try, however, to not do this with the actual people in my life, those I call friends, family, or the person I am dating.

To be honorable in my intentions at all times allows me freedom from scrutiny.

Besides, I feel lightening will strike me if I tell someone a lie, whether it be professionally or personally, regardless of how little it is.  If I call in sick saying my car has broken down, my car will, in fact, break down.  If I say I can't do something because I am not feeling well, or my kids are not feeling well, they will or I will end up sick.  There are a million ways I look at a supposed circumstance and decide it is easier to just come clean than it is to perform the juggling of a lie.

But here is the problem with little white lies in today's society...you can't do it that easily.  With so many applications for social media available to us, there is nothing secret any longer.  And those you tell the white lies to are often, and understandably, insulted and hurt when they discover that rather than going to sleep, as you claimed you were going to do, you actually stayed up, went out all night, and foolishly posted it to something social media driven.

In June of this year, I talked to my boyfriend at the time of our lack of communication and time together.  It was a calm conversation that lead to our breakup.  He beat around the bush for a while, telling me he was conflicted about us, but finally said "I love you, but I don't want to be with you any longer."  This is a man who I had been with for nearly 5 years, telling me the truth, telling me things he knew would hurt, but still allowing me the respect (eventually in the conversation) of our time together.

Fast forward to today.  How many times do I hear those little white lies, and how many times am I expected to believe them.  Those little white lies from people I am supposed to trust to my very core are suddenly not so little, and leave me to believe I am not important enough to hear the truth.  Those little white lies that are often so simple, they do not even intend to hurt me, but in telling them speak volumes of where we stand in our relationship.  Telling someone you will call, then only talk for 5 minutes leaves me with a feeling that you are giving me a brush off due to not being able to tell me "Look, I really don't want to talk to you, but I know if I don't call, you may feel I am ignoring you."

There was an article a few months ago on CNN (How to tell white lies) mentioning this very issue.  It focused on social media, and if you say you are sick to your work, please forgo posting to your Facebook status how you were out all night, or worse yet, posting pictures.  The article gave you step by step processes to be vague, mention how you should include others in your lies to help you cover up what you are doing, or become a Privacy Setting guru.  Lastly, however, it did mention 5 sentences about telling the truth.  To those you are friends with, family members of, or in a dating or serious relationship with, you are discounting them at a high rate when you attempt little white lies.

In telling someone a white lie, you often are hiding the fact you are at a different place, whether physically or mentally.  While the truth is not always so easy to hear, it sometimes saves much time in the avenues of understanding, trust, and respect.  You are not only lying to the other person, you are also lying to yourself to save face, look better than you are, or show a different intent.  And once trust is gone, there are far and few situations to rebuild the trust that once was.  There is no pause, no rewind button, no "take-backs" but instead only hurt.  What once could have been a simply conversation is now so riddled and convoluted others have no choice but to wonder if what you are saying is actually true, or just another fabrication to ease your mind.

Possibilities - What would you give

Our level of commitment can make or break a situation, relationship, or habit. It is this commitment that determines how we react when things do not go as we expect, how we interpret the world around us, and the level of emotion needed.

Often times, in this world we live in today, we forget this level of commitment. We are so easy to assume the worst, not value what we have, or take for granted the goodness that surrounds us. We forget to be thankful to those who have always been there for us, or to be thoughtful to their needs when it is not the most convenient for our own timing. It is easy to take the goodness, but not always easy to return it. There is such a fine line between telling someone how important they are, how you care for them, what they mean to you, and failing to do so simply because you think they already are aware of this.

What would you give to have that one perfect moment again - whether this be the first time you met someone, the first time you kissed, the first time you held each other in crisis, or the first time you laughed so hard you cried with them? And, in this small moment of remembrance, why do we all not remember to capture the essence of these moments on a daily basis. It is not hard to say words of encouragement, or to tell someone how you feel about them. Yet, in our ever busy, ever changing society, we fail to do this regularly, if at all. We long to recapture moments where we were the true essence of ourselves, but have forgotten to show our true essence on a daily basis.

I often think back to moments where I felt that true essence. Those moments where you feel your stomach doing topsy-turvy butterfly somersaults. Those moments when I grabbed onto what I wanted, and knew it was okay. Those moments where I could feel this electricity within the air that was so stimulating I felt overwhelmed with possibility. I try every day to not forget this feeling, and never take those moments for granted. I attempt as often as I can to tell people how I feel, and let them know how important they are. And my situation of dating, romance, whatever it is I am doing is far different than what someone else's situation, experience, or expectations may be. But in this act, I feel I am able to recapture that moment within my heart, and hopefully within theirs as well.

I am learning on a daily basis the need to let others know how I feel about them. I am trying on a daily basis to share this emotion with those in my life when I am able to. Not as a side thought, but as a purposeful declaration. I am learning the need to tell others how great I think they are, and not based on an action but based on my feelings for them. When you open the door to this possibility of sharing how you feel, you not only will increase your level of intimacy with the other person, but also feelings of trust, love, sincerity, and friendship. In this opening of the door you will discover that essence of yourself, and allow others to feel that essence.

Eggshells are only useful to the garbage after cracking the egg

The use of our words is highly important. There are times when the use of a word, or the emphasis in which a word is used can either build someone or something up just as easily as it can bring someone or something down. In choosing our words, we are able to better communicate to the outside world our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and points of view.

It is in our words that we should always be cautious. I am not saying we should all walk around, feeling like we are in a china shop, and not say what is important or on our mind. But it is how we say things that can convey endless options to the listener at hand.

I attempt to tell those in my life where they stand. I tell those I care, or that I am here for them not as a measure to appear the good guy. It is a measure to never let the other person guess at where they stand with me. In being an emotional person, it is also nice to hear I am appreciated, loved, missed, great, whatever it is. But my telling someone those exact same things are never in an attempt to be a recipient of the same emotion when it is not heart felt.

Recently, I have failed at this. I have used words that my listeners (friends, family, person I am dating) didn't understand. I have attempted to resolve the misunderstandings, and hopefully they are now rectified. Yet, I always wonder why I use words as a double edged sword, and am always reminded if I could just communicate in written dialogue for difficult or uneasy situations my life may be simpler. I sometimes appear snappy, or hostile, when in reality I am not feeling that emotion, and did not intend to elude that emotion. I am working on this every day, and some days feel like I am failing.

I would never hope to have those in my life feel they are walking on eggshells just to communicate with me. At the same time, I want others to know where I am coming from, and need to share this with those closest to me. How, pray tell, do we do this in our world without sometimes exuding the incorrect message. I work better in an environment where I know the game rules. If I am told something, that is all I have as a basis for what is going on. Yes, I sometimes jump to conclusions. But nine times out of ten this is due to some type of misunderstanding or missed communication where the rules have changed, unbeknown to me. There is a fine line between all these thoughts, and at the end of the day I just hope the words I say to others conveys a sense of loyalty, friendship, love, and openness rather than hostile misgivings or confusion.

Silence is golden, except if it is aimed at you

Silence is golden. There are days I love just sitting in my car, no one talking to me, no one to create ramblings in my ear. These are the days I have already talked to those I wanted to talk to for the moment, and am just enjoying my time.

There are other days when silence is not golden if you feel it is aimed at you for a reason. Those days were you feel the people you want to talk to the most are not communicating with you on purpose. Coupled with silence, you may have some communication, but it is strained. You may text them, and receive replies in 1 or 2 words. You may call and have the person sound so disinterested in talking to you, it makes you wonder why you called in the first place. Or, if you become familiar with using terms of endearment that decrease, or cease to exist. Worse yet, going from talking to someone multiple times a day, sharing thoughts, etc, to not having them answer your call. The sound of voice mail is not a welcomed tone on those days.

I am not saying I need to hear from everyone I care about on a daily basis. But when a new pattern develops that may include silence, or a difference in tone with the other person, it can be confusing and conflicting. I am not perfect, and in the past have left others alone if I feel they are upset which can also seem to be silence from me. Rest assured, it is not silence, but just respect for the other person's feelings, and wanting to ensure I am not overstepping that imaginary line in the sand between resolution and resentment.

I attempt to tell those in my life how I feel about them whenever I can. I have learned in the past you may not get another chance to express this emotion or feeling. I am sometimes too forward with my thoughts, and at other times not forward enough. I won't confront a person with my feelings, but also am unsure how to not come across in a confrontational way when attempting to resolve feelings I may be having, and wanting to have everything out in the open. And while I am able to go with the flow for certain situations, if it is a matter of my heart I need to have a road map to just know the path I am on is correct. I certainly don't want to walk down a path where I should not be, or have feelings that are unacceptable or unrealistic. If I care about someone, I will tell anyone I meet about that feeling. If I am unhappy with someone I try to refrain from telling anyone due to needing to keep this to myself as to not spread my misgivings to others. I do not understand why the patterns may change, but always long for stability. And if things change, or there is a difference in tone it can hurt.

Silence is golden, except if it is aimed directly at you. Changes to how you talk to someone, or what you divulge are part of life. But if you care about someone, or have cared about them, communication of changes you are feeling are necessary above all else.

This just in...

There are many times in my life when I wished I was either deaf or mute. Sometimes, both. Not because I wish to never talk again, or never hear again. Simply because there are times in my life when I wish I didn't speak up, or open my mouth. Other times I wish I didn't have to listen to what someone is telling me.

I am learning that what I say about others is a clear reflection of how others may also look at me, or see me. I am learning that if someone says negative things about another person, or people; if they talk in a discouraging way about others they call friends, chances are they are also doing this with me, and about me. This is an issue that has always reared it's ugly head since I was in junior high, and the older I get it does not seem to go away. I will admit there have been times when I have done this. I may have been upset about something and needed to get it off my chest to someone, anyone, before I exploded with feelings. But this action never seems to do anyone any good, mostly myself.

Something else I learned, am still learning, and will probably continue to learn. Those who talk about their other friends in a discouraging way are probably talking about you to those other friends in the same way. It does not take courage to talk about someone else negatively. It is very easy to get caught in that trap, and continue the trend for long periods of time. Same thing goes for secrets you may share with someone who tells you another person's secrets so freely. It is not curiosity that killed the cat. It is sheer lack of keeping your mouth shut that will cause hurt to someone else. As you are listening to someone tell you these things, ask yourself if the situation were reversed, and the person was telling someone else about your pains, issues, deepest feelings, would you want this to be light conversation between others?

We all need to share our feelings. We all need to express our fears to someone in a safe environment. We do not assume it will be seen as gossip fodder for others. Be mindful of how you share your information, and who you share that with. Be mindful of who you are talking about, and how you are talking about them. There may be a day that the shoe is on the other foot, and somehow people know more than they should. No one likes their lives, the personal moments they let you into, to be common knowledge for others.

Letting go

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
- Isaiah 41:10

We live in a world this encircles us with fast paced trends, people who may not have our better interests at heart, and greediness in time of need. I feel certain this could be said of any time period in the past...we just happen to be living in the world at this time where we notice it ourselves. And in this world so filled with treachery, it is nice to know someone has your back. But, who is that person.

Humans were created in such a simple yet complicated manner. We yearn for freedom, yet don't know what to do if presented with no rules. We yearn for love, yet take this act for granted at times. We yearn for success, yet when received we yearn for more. The simplest facts become the most monumental and contrived moments. In searching we often find we are more lost. We dwell in a time long gone where we no longer have the ability to create a difference, yet forget today we have the ability to create dramatic change for tomorrow. And ever present - ever being - ever knowing - is our old nemesis, Fear.

Fear. I have written about this in the past. It is a terrible feeling to befriend and invite into your life. It will surely never do us any good unless spurring desire for change. But change spurred by fear never results the way we intend. History has taught us this through war. Every day I fear something. A week ago, my fear was silly girl foolishness. Yesterday it was being left behind. All these fears never result into anything other making me feel disoriented. I really need to learn to just let go. Placing your faith and belief into something other than yourself is definitely a well-balanced, learned experience. Placing your faith and belief in something that is not tangible to sight, touch, taste, or scent is sometimes even more difficult.

There are so many things I wish I could have done differently from my past. I sometimes wonder if I could have saved a failed marriage, or remained friends with people who I had differences with. But through it all, I have learned that if I just let go, if I just put my faith into the Lord, I am able to see where I am heading. It is from forgiveness of my actions that I am able to forgive a situation or person other than myself. In letting go, in relinquishing all fear and earthly pressure I find great serenity.

I do not believe in coincidence, or accident. I do not believe we are here randomly roaming the halls of our world. I believe we all are here for a reason, for a purpose. Our paths may take twists and turns. But how are we supposed to learn how to walk if we don't stumble. Our hearts can take more than we ever realize. People may enter our lives, then exit. Yet, we discover so much about who we are in the moments with them. This world is not intended to be filled with pain. We are intended to have a life filled with joy, and filled with love. We are all intended to provide good works toward others. Our lives are our journeys, but the Lord is always there as our guide to the correct paths. We just have to learn to let go, to allow Him to work within us, through us, and by us to our destinations. We may make decisions that are not pleasing to Him, but he never takes away His love, His strength, His beauty, and His grace. We may make decisions that are difficult and against our beliefs, but through His care we are able to overcome and have a life we were intended to have.