Loneliness

How I view the world, and how others view the world often do not correspond. I try to see the silver lining in all horrible situations. I say "try" because it does not always happen. Sometimes it is easier to just let things go than to try to create a hypothesis as to why the letting go even needs to occur. I think this is solely due to the events of my past that have no rhyme or reason to the pain. And acknowledging the pain is one thing, but living with the pain is quite another. But loneliness is a whole different game in and of itself.

I am wondering how many other ways I can conjure up a word for lonely. Most days I do not feel lonely, but when it does creep up on me like the crushing sound of a thousand feathers hitting the floor. It is funny to me, also. I am lonely, yet try to ensure those around me always feel taken care of, appreciated, loved, and special. I try to ensure everyone I love is never suffering, never hurting.

Loneliness is nothing more than an excuse to dwell where your heart may have one time took residence. To be lonely is nothing more than to miss something you once had. It can be related to a person, thing, ideal, concept, whatever...I wonder how many times I felt lonely only due to a previous situation I became accustomed to. How many times did I fail to recognize the road ahead of me simply because I was still turned back, looking at where I had been. And even in knowing these things, I still allow this elusive ghost to haunt me at times.

I have spent a majority of my life facing one problem or another. This is not unique to just me, for this I am sure. My problems may be bigger than the next guy's, or more than manageable to another. In my adult life I have had a good run of one issue after the next. I have developed a higher sensitivity to the BS others will offer me, thanks to these issues. I used to let people walk all over me to save the peace. Now, I just kindly disappear into the sunset if I can. I don't understand why others feel the need to be insincere, but I really don't have the time for this. In doing so, I have been fortunate to surround myself with those who are supporters. I am surrounded by those I love, and who love me. I may not be the nicest person all the time, but I am human, which will always mean I have flaws. When feeling lonely, I try to remember this. I try to feel the embrace of their love. I try to remember to look ahead, and only look back for a brief moment to remember the past as a place I once visited, but continued on my travels.