So, the past few weeks have been very busy. Kids gone, so I have more time to play. I have taken up the projects of drawing a Fenway image for a friend, Steve, and recovering another friend, Jessica's dining table chairs. So, my playtime has at least been productive. I feel really great about life right now, and feel things are just getting better. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, plenty of things I can do to keep me entertained.
EXCEPT
I hate being alone...I hate not having anyone to spend time with. I don't think this is a weakness given I can entertain myself in plenty of ways. I enjoy being by myself and having Ruthe time, but I also enjoy being around others. Today, I left work early because I was not feeling well. I knew I needed to go to urgent care given the lack of enthusiasm a doctor has when just "dropping in" instead of having an appointment. As I am driving home, I was so overwhelmed with loneliness. I have pretty much always had someone to sit with me and hold my hand when I am not feeling well. It saddened me to realize there was not anyone I could call to come down and do this for me. The person who used to come out and support me is not a person I can call and ask any longer. Everyone else is either at work, has kids that should not be within the danger zone for germ city, or unable to make a trip. So, here I am, in pain, not feeling well, and in tears because I don't have this. I felt so alone. And, it occurred to me I was not missing that one person who used to sit with me, it was just the idea of that person. I was lucky enough to receive text messages of support, which was helpful.
This being alone thing is so awful at the most random of times. A couple weeks ago I was watching this sappy lovey dovey romantic comedy...by myself. You know the type: girl meets guy, girl wants to marry guy, guy leaves for business to Ireland, girl decides to travel to Ireland to surprise him and propose to him, but along the way finds another great guy who is more aptly suited for her...blah blah blah...at least I was able to see the Irish countryside in the movie. Anyhow, in the movie this girl wants nothing more than to get engaged to her boyfriend. Her journey takes unexpected turns, and along the way she randomly attends a wedding for strangers. The bride and groom are very hospitable and allow her to attend their reception. At the reception, the bride delivers a toast to the groom...
"May you never steal, lie or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. And if you must cheat, then please cheat death, because I couldn't live a day without you"
Fast forward about 30 minutes after this when I am in full crying mode wondering when and if I may ever hear those words...
I know deep down that if I kiss enough of the proverbial frogs I will end up with one amazing prince charming.
I am just sick of kissing the frogs. They smell, they are rude. They break your heart at the drop of a dime and then wonder why you are so surprised...they knew their actions but conveniently forgot to tell you.
The worst things about being single? This does not include such things as not having someone to call when you get to work to let them know you are okay, eating alone, sleeping alone, not having someone to laugh with, share your fears with, get advise from, etc. No,the worst thing about being alone is just that...you are alone. Your whole life you may have tried to put others first, and when you are alone it is only you. You don't have to "answer" to someone, or explain your thoughts, or laugh with someone else. Nope, you are alone. There is no one there to do that with. Being alone is okay for a moment, but not for very long. That is when I have to find projects to do. I cleaned my entire house yesterday from top to bottom. I dusted the baseboards around my carpeting for something to do. Thank God I have friends with whom I can do things with, otherwise I would decide to have more projects than I do right now.
What is the next worst thing about being single? The terrible expectation of meeting someone. This is by far one of the downsides to not being with someone you care about. You have gone from spending time with someone, having little inside jokes, making plans as a couple, staying in and watching movies just to cuddle, and holding their hand. That is not an easy thing to replace or to find within another human being.
This is also when you realize how many crazy people there are out there in this world, and suddenly they all know your name. Sure, they all have different names, different genders, different places where they live. but ultimately they reside in a little town called Crazyville.
Crazy person #1
This is the "friend" you only talk to because you used to work together, used to play in the sandbox, know their family, or just don't have the heart to request an exit ticket from their life. Because you know too many mutual people you can't make the graceful exit, and why? You searched for the door but they do not have door knobs.
Crazy person #2
Similar to crazy person #1, this is someone who has mutual friends of yours, only you don't remember them. They talk to you in the comfortable way you would talk to a best friend, then proceed to tell you they always had a crush on you...um...awkward! And does your wife know you are saying this to another chic? I wouldn't be happy if I was her.
Crazy person #3
Random people you meet while out with friends. These crazy people are those who are too forward, too aggressive, and not considerate that maybe you just wanted to hang out with your friends and not be attacked. I will admit to sometimes talking to someone while out with friends, but that is a rare occasion.
Crazy person #4
Ex's from a distant galaxy ago. You were able to remain cordial to one another, able to maintain some dignity after a break up. But now they are just like crazy person #2. They tell you in the middle of your heartbreak (let's say one or two days after the dirty breakup occurred) that they still have feelings...really? That was years ago. This person is not so much crazy as they are hopeful in ways you are not ready for.
Crazy person #5
"We should meet up and do something" person who you finally agree to hang out with. What happens? They impact your residency within the city called Alone by being on their phone the entire time you are out. The ENTIRE time. If you wanted to talk to whoever is one the other end of the phone, why did you invite me out to do something? I'd rather be at home alone, by myself, than be alone while with this person.
Crazy person #6
The pity party friend. You know who this is the minute you try to just move on from your heartbreak. These are the people who LOVE when you are hurting because they need the company. They are miserable and want you to remain as miserable for as long as possible. Everything that comes out of their mouth is quoted from "The Big Book of Negativity", and you feel like you are dirty after the time with them and need a cleansing shower of positivity.
Fortunately, I don't have many of these crazies in my single status life right now. Fortunately I have a plethera of friends and family. Fortunately I am still willing to kiss the frogs because I know my prince is out there, somewhere. I will have someone telling me to not steal,lie, or cheat as I heard in that corny movie. When the timing is right, stars align, and the heavens open I will have that again, and better than the other times in my life where I was in love. Better because I was ready and didn't play the silly games of the crazies, or the unrealistic expectations that only set me up to fail.
EXCEPT
I hate being alone...I hate not having anyone to spend time with. I don't think this is a weakness given I can entertain myself in plenty of ways. I enjoy being by myself and having Ruthe time, but I also enjoy being around others. Today, I left work early because I was not feeling well. I knew I needed to go to urgent care given the lack of enthusiasm a doctor has when just "dropping in" instead of having an appointment. As I am driving home, I was so overwhelmed with loneliness. I have pretty much always had someone to sit with me and hold my hand when I am not feeling well. It saddened me to realize there was not anyone I could call to come down and do this for me. The person who used to come out and support me is not a person I can call and ask any longer. Everyone else is either at work, has kids that should not be within the danger zone for germ city, or unable to make a trip. So, here I am, in pain, not feeling well, and in tears because I don't have this. I felt so alone. And, it occurred to me I was not missing that one person who used to sit with me, it was just the idea of that person. I was lucky enough to receive text messages of support, which was helpful.
This being alone thing is so awful at the most random of times. A couple weeks ago I was watching this sappy lovey dovey romantic comedy...by myself. You know the type: girl meets guy, girl wants to marry guy, guy leaves for business to Ireland, girl decides to travel to Ireland to surprise him and propose to him, but along the way finds another great guy who is more aptly suited for her...blah blah blah...at least I was able to see the Irish countryside in the movie. Anyhow, in the movie this girl wants nothing more than to get engaged to her boyfriend. Her journey takes unexpected turns, and along the way she randomly attends a wedding for strangers. The bride and groom are very hospitable and allow her to attend their reception. At the reception, the bride delivers a toast to the groom...
"May you never steal, lie or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. And if you must cheat, then please cheat death, because I couldn't live a day without you"
Fast forward about 30 minutes after this when I am in full crying mode wondering when and if I may ever hear those words...
I know deep down that if I kiss enough of the proverbial frogs I will end up with one amazing prince charming.
I am just sick of kissing the frogs. They smell, they are rude. They break your heart at the drop of a dime and then wonder why you are so surprised...they knew their actions but conveniently forgot to tell you.
The worst things about being single? This does not include such things as not having someone to call when you get to work to let them know you are okay, eating alone, sleeping alone, not having someone to laugh with, share your fears with, get advise from, etc. No,the worst thing about being alone is just that...you are alone. Your whole life you may have tried to put others first, and when you are alone it is only you. You don't have to "answer" to someone, or explain your thoughts, or laugh with someone else. Nope, you are alone. There is no one there to do that with. Being alone is okay for a moment, but not for very long. That is when I have to find projects to do. I cleaned my entire house yesterday from top to bottom. I dusted the baseboards around my carpeting for something to do. Thank God I have friends with whom I can do things with, otherwise I would decide to have more projects than I do right now.
What is the next worst thing about being single? The terrible expectation of meeting someone. This is by far one of the downsides to not being with someone you care about. You have gone from spending time with someone, having little inside jokes, making plans as a couple, staying in and watching movies just to cuddle, and holding their hand. That is not an easy thing to replace or to find within another human being.
This is also when you realize how many crazy people there are out there in this world, and suddenly they all know your name. Sure, they all have different names, different genders, different places where they live. but ultimately they reside in a little town called Crazyville.
Crazy person #1
This is the "friend" you only talk to because you used to work together, used to play in the sandbox, know their family, or just don't have the heart to request an exit ticket from their life. Because you know too many mutual people you can't make the graceful exit, and why? You searched for the door but they do not have door knobs.
Crazy person #2
Similar to crazy person #1, this is someone who has mutual friends of yours, only you don't remember them. They talk to you in the comfortable way you would talk to a best friend, then proceed to tell you they always had a crush on you...um...awkward! And does your wife know you are saying this to another chic? I wouldn't be happy if I was her.
Crazy person #3
Random people you meet while out with friends. These crazy people are those who are too forward, too aggressive, and not considerate that maybe you just wanted to hang out with your friends and not be attacked. I will admit to sometimes talking to someone while out with friends, but that is a rare occasion.
Crazy person #4
Ex's from a distant galaxy ago. You were able to remain cordial to one another, able to maintain some dignity after a break up. But now they are just like crazy person #2. They tell you in the middle of your heartbreak (let's say one or two days after the dirty breakup occurred) that they still have feelings...really? That was years ago. This person is not so much crazy as they are hopeful in ways you are not ready for.
Crazy person #5
"We should meet up and do something" person who you finally agree to hang out with. What happens? They impact your residency within the city called Alone by being on their phone the entire time you are out. The ENTIRE time. If you wanted to talk to whoever is one the other end of the phone, why did you invite me out to do something? I'd rather be at home alone, by myself, than be alone while with this person.
Crazy person #6
The pity party friend. You know who this is the minute you try to just move on from your heartbreak. These are the people who LOVE when you are hurting because they need the company. They are miserable and want you to remain as miserable for as long as possible. Everything that comes out of their mouth is quoted from "The Big Book of Negativity", and you feel like you are dirty after the time with them and need a cleansing shower of positivity.
Fortunately, I don't have many of these crazies in my single status life right now. Fortunately I have a plethera of friends and family. Fortunately I am still willing to kiss the frogs because I know my prince is out there, somewhere. I will have someone telling me to not steal,lie, or cheat as I heard in that corny movie. When the timing is right, stars align, and the heavens open I will have that again, and better than the other times in my life where I was in love. Better because I was ready and didn't play the silly games of the crazies, or the unrealistic expectations that only set me up to fail.
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