Heartbreaks and other things

 

Funny thing about getting your heart broken.  You know you will recuperate eventually, you know your heart may not be 100% again, but it will heal and allow you to feel again. Eventually, what you think of and start to have tears well up will eventually become moments of fondness and a smile.  But that all takes time.

As humans, we are amazing creatures with the ability to heal, ability to remember, and ability to forget.  When I think of the times I have had my heart broken, I am lucky to be able to count those moments on one hand.  But, those moments nearly took me out for the count.  Each time my heart breaks, I have learned that while my heart will never be as open as it was, other areas may open to allow new experiences to occur.  Parts of my heart that have forever been sealed shut due to hurt may slowly lose their power over my daily thoughts.  Where once I was bruised, I may be able to have healing.

Where once I felt joy, I know only feel sadness.  That longing for what could have been, what was, and what has occurred are lonely places to revisit.  In revisiting these lonely places, I immediately sink...my heart sinks, my head starts to spin, my mind starts to resemble that of a sunken ship lost at sea. All the pieces are there, but they will never see the light of day until someone decides to take the plunge and rescue them.  Right now, I an on a swing of some imaginary play set, pumping my legs to go up and down, shifting between being okay one moment, and feeling like my world is crumbling the next.

When our heart is broken, we sometimes focus so much energy on what happened to us to create that pain.  The moments that redefined how we felt, the instances where we literally felt our heart shattering.  For each person that has broken my heart, there are moments where I am sure I broke theirs too, unknowingly, unintentionally, unwillingly.  In our own hurting, we sometimes are unable to see beyond that pain to realize or acknowledge the pain of the one who created our turmoil.  Sometimes there are two people hurting, but unable to share that pain with one another due to being the root, the source of the pain.

Life is not fair.  There are many things that will happen in which you will never have answers.  You will not always understand at the moment of your pain why you must feel the way you do.  You will not understand until enough time has passed, enough reflection has occurred, and you are more willing to let go of your pain to view the world again as a safe place.  For every time your heart is broken, may you discover twice as many wonderful achievements, delights, and overall joys you wouldn't have known had it not been for the heartbreak.  For every person that breaks your heart, may you have another enter that helps to heal, helps to reconnect you to your genuine self, that person who believed, who had faith, who had love, and shared this with another person.