What if...

Jazia Pratt, 8, fills a bucket with water from a fire hydrant in the afternoon summer heat Monday, July 18, 2011, in Philadelphia.
  (AP Photo/Matt Rourke)

The joys of being a child.  The wonderment of the world that seems to be lost the taller we grow, and the higher our age may be.  The unquenchable sense of possibility, that anything is attainable.  That is, of course, until you suddenly realize the world is not what you thought, and maybe the fairy tales we are read are not actually going to happen. I can think back to a time where I had that ability to see through walls, or so I thought.  If something didn't work, you could fix it.  If you couldn't fix it yourself, you would ask Mom or Dad to look at it.  Chances were, by nightfall the world would be settling for slumber and all was right again with whatever needed fixed. 

At what point did we lose this quality of life we so closely held when we were young? At what point did we look at the world, and wonder why rather than why not? When did we realize that falling was painful, and failure seemed like another action for falling?

My friend Niki has a quote as part of her email signature that reads "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"  Each time I receive an email from her, I read this, and ponder all the what if's.  And in reading this quote several times over the past few months, I came to the realization that falling down is the same as failure to me.  I do anything I can to avoid falling.  I am careful where I walk to avoid falling in front of others. I wear shoes appropriate for my job to avoid slipping on the concrete epoxy floors.  Gone are the days I would wear heels to work due to this; instead I have opted for more sensible flats or tennis shoes to ensure I am upright at all times.  Most recently, and most difficult of all, I have avoided falling in like, much less in love, with someone due to the pain of failure.  I have protected my heart as I have protected myself from a physical fall.  I simply avoid the fall at any cost.

What if there was no fear of failure.  What if I was aware of what the future had to offer.  Would I sit back, allow events to unfold as they should, knowing I would be okay, or I would get hurt? Would I allow myself to feel the world is a beautiful place if I knew this time it was going to last, or this time things will work out, regardless of whatever "this time" was revolved around?  Would I allow myself to walk into the face of apparent danger due to understanding in the end I would be okay?

I miss that free spirit of being a child.  I miss that feeling of laughing uncontrollably at something silly.  I miss that view of the world where anything was possible, and I could be anyone I wanted.  While I certainly do not feel I am a failure in my own life, there are many things I would like to repeat to correct my mistakes, moments I would like to avoid, and situations I would love to repeat due to the joy it brought me.  I would love to roam around the world, blissfully and gracefully unaware of any wrong that may come to me.  But in the end, the pain I have gone through has lead me to other journeys I may otherwise avoided.  As adults, we have not lost that joy of being a child, we simply forgot how to celebrate the smallest of moments and embrace the world with open arms.