Finding purpose on days of defeat

So, once I fall asleep tonight (hopefully), I will be thankful that the past 24 hours have come, spent their time, and moved on into the past. Once I fall asleep tonight I am hoping to wake up with a better feeling in my heart, and renewed energy. Once I fall asleep tonight I hope I will have no need to fear, no need to doubt, no need to feel as I do right now. It was a difficult day, of both personal and professional levels.

It is on days like this, where I feel defeated, detached, derailed, and desideratum that I wish I could remember my purpose. What was that, and where did I leave it laying? I must have sat it down somewhere, and in my frazzled state I forgot where it was.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (NIV)

I wish I had the ability to remember this scripture every time I fell down. For every time I have gotten myself worked up out of nothing, and thought I could manage things on my own. I wish when I hear others, and their stories of true bliss I could feel that as well. Not in a way that supersedes my happiness for them, but just in being able to discover my own bliss. We are not promised an easy life. If life were easy we may not appreciate all the beautiful things we have in this world. But I wish my life was just a bit more clear that at the moment I am in. I wish I had that purpose defined in much more certain roles than it is now.

I know I have purpose in my daily life. I am a mother, I am a friend, I am a family member, I am someone who is there for others when needed. And at the end of my day, this should be enough. Yet my heart is still searching for more, wandering through whatever this uneasiness is, and praying to find rest. My desires, those desires that are challenged at times, those desires that are sometimes mocked by others and myself, still remain. But it is in my desires I find the most stress, and the most displeasure. Finding my purpose on days like this is not easy, and definitely not something I even have the energy to do at this point.

And so, as always, I sit and pray. I pray about all that is bothering me, hoping to find resolution. I pray for all those desires of my heart, and thank the Lord that I am able to come to Him in conversation for a brief moment to feel gratitude for all I do have at this moment. Things never are easy, but at the very least I have this solace in the midst of my imagined or real storms lurking within my heart. And maybe that is what my purpose is for the moment. To realize these gifts given to me, and all I have to be thankful for.