Silence is golden, except if it is aimed at you

Silence is golden. There are days I love just sitting in my car, no one talking to me, no one to create ramblings in my ear. These are the days I have already talked to those I wanted to talk to for the moment, and am just enjoying my time.

There are other days when silence is not golden if you feel it is aimed at you for a reason. Those days were you feel the people you want to talk to the most are not communicating with you on purpose. Coupled with silence, you may have some communication, but it is strained. You may text them, and receive replies in 1 or 2 words. You may call and have the person sound so disinterested in talking to you, it makes you wonder why you called in the first place. Or, if you become familiar with using terms of endearment that decrease, or cease to exist. Worse yet, going from talking to someone multiple times a day, sharing thoughts, etc, to not having them answer your call. The sound of voice mail is not a welcomed tone on those days.

I am not saying I need to hear from everyone I care about on a daily basis. But when a new pattern develops that may include silence, or a difference in tone with the other person, it can be confusing and conflicting. I am not perfect, and in the past have left others alone if I feel they are upset which can also seem to be silence from me. Rest assured, it is not silence, but just respect for the other person's feelings, and wanting to ensure I am not overstepping that imaginary line in the sand between resolution and resentment.

I attempt to tell those in my life how I feel about them whenever I can. I have learned in the past you may not get another chance to express this emotion or feeling. I am sometimes too forward with my thoughts, and at other times not forward enough. I won't confront a person with my feelings, but also am unsure how to not come across in a confrontational way when attempting to resolve feelings I may be having, and wanting to have everything out in the open. And while I am able to go with the flow for certain situations, if it is a matter of my heart I need to have a road map to just know the path I am on is correct. I certainly don't want to walk down a path where I should not be, or have feelings that are unacceptable or unrealistic. If I care about someone, I will tell anyone I meet about that feeling. If I am unhappy with someone I try to refrain from telling anyone due to needing to keep this to myself as to not spread my misgivings to others. I do not understand why the patterns may change, but always long for stability. And if things change, or there is a difference in tone it can hurt.

Silence is golden, except if it is aimed directly at you. Changes to how you talk to someone, or what you divulge are part of life. But if you care about someone, or have cared about them, communication of changes you are feeling are necessary above all else.