"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!"
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!"
— Dr. Seuss (Oh, the Places You'll Go!)
My mountains today feel so much taller than one week ago. I am trying to weigh everything that is in my life, and decide what choices need to be made. And while I would like to say I have great places to go, the truth is I feel as if I am sitting in sinking sand.
There is this moment, an undefinable moment in which something changes. You don't recognize it at the time. It is not a giant rush of fools, but rather a shimmer of light that changes without the unseen eye's awareness. This leads to other changes that you may not notice, yet again, unless you are paying attention. This other change includes slight change of voice, or exuberance in how you say your words followed by the lack of words once so easy to say, followed by the lack of talking at all. In this, you feel a tide of fear rush over your body, as if you are in the ocean at high tide, being swept under. All of this from something so small you barely noticed.
We never notice that one grain of sand in our shoe. We typically will only notice the grain of sand when it has developed into a small pebble of hardened stone. We continue to walk about with the one grain of sand, and it only collects additional pieces to become the stone. So is true of our relationships, if left untended. So is true of our feelings, if left unsaid. We only notice something once it is bigger than we can sometimes control. And it is in this development of the grain becoming a pebble that often times leaves us paralyzed.
That is my mountain, the unknown destination I am to go to. The unknown of what may happen if I decide to release my fears into the universe to have the universe hear and turn into reality. In the "what-ifs" and "buts" I feel, they may not be real, but imagined in the heart of a silly girl who reads too much into a situation that may not be there at all. But it is the fear of making the grain into a pebble, or borrowing trouble that is not there that leaves me, at this very moment, completely paralyzed. Paralyzed and praying I am making more out of the lack of words and exuberance that could be for ten million other reasons than what I fear most, being alone yet again.
I pray I am off to great places, and that this particular emotion is just that of the silly girl I am. I pray today is my day to do great things, and in doing great things have great things in return. And I suppose I will never know unless I try.
There is this moment, an undefinable moment in which something changes. You don't recognize it at the time. It is not a giant rush of fools, but rather a shimmer of light that changes without the unseen eye's awareness. This leads to other changes that you may not notice, yet again, unless you are paying attention. This other change includes slight change of voice, or exuberance in how you say your words followed by the lack of words once so easy to say, followed by the lack of talking at all. In this, you feel a tide of fear rush over your body, as if you are in the ocean at high tide, being swept under. All of this from something so small you barely noticed.
We never notice that one grain of sand in our shoe. We typically will only notice the grain of sand when it has developed into a small pebble of hardened stone. We continue to walk about with the one grain of sand, and it only collects additional pieces to become the stone. So is true of our relationships, if left untended. So is true of our feelings, if left unsaid. We only notice something once it is bigger than we can sometimes control. And it is in this development of the grain becoming a pebble that often times leaves us paralyzed.
That is my mountain, the unknown destination I am to go to. The unknown of what may happen if I decide to release my fears into the universe to have the universe hear and turn into reality. In the "what-ifs" and "buts" I feel, they may not be real, but imagined in the heart of a silly girl who reads too much into a situation that may not be there at all. But it is the fear of making the grain into a pebble, or borrowing trouble that is not there that leaves me, at this very moment, completely paralyzed. Paralyzed and praying I am making more out of the lack of words and exuberance that could be for ten million other reasons than what I fear most, being alone yet again.
I pray I am off to great places, and that this particular emotion is just that of the silly girl I am. I pray today is my day to do great things, and in doing great things have great things in return. And I suppose I will never know unless I try.
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