Frustrations

There are times I love being able to connect to others so instantaneously.  It is nice to be able to pick up the phone and call someone.  It is nice to be able to communicate to someone via chat or email, even text.  But there are other times when those methods of communication only seem to enhance my frustrations with the outside world, and those I am attempting to reach.

Nothing is more frustrating that attempting to contact someone who is out of contact at the moment.

I know there are some people who may not mind not hearing from another living soul at times.  I, however, am not part of this sect.  I am part of the sect where I enjoy talking to certain people every day.  I don't feel this is a character flaw, but simply my desire to feel connected to them in some way.  I enjoy hearing about a person's day, no matter how ho-hum they feel it may have been.  It is not the fact that you feel life is boring, or you repeat the same actions every day, so why would I be interested in that...no, I am interested and enjoy this because I care.

I care enough to actually pick up the phone and ask how your day was.  I care enough to answer the phone when you call me.  I care enough to reply to text messages as soon as I am able to.  And I care enough to read your emails and send a response.

While others may be unfamiliar with the concept of caring, I take joy in the fact that I do care.  I want to communicate with you, to laugh with you, and to share in your moments of success, commiserate in your moments of apparent defeat.

I am frustrated at this moment, and wonder why I would care to know about another's day when others clearly do not care enough to answer the phone, send a text, or show interest.  I don't know how to turn off the caring aspect of my heart, and if I could, I may save myself from the moments where I have the awkward realization I am really just becoming an embarrassment.

So, note to self, thank you for all the wonderful moments.  Thank you, heart of mine, for always looking at others with unexpected forgiveness.  But, I feel defeated myself, and if anyone bothers to call me back don't be expected if you receive my voice mail...I may also want to feel disconnected for a bit from you.