More than just an option

I'm more than just an option

Refuse to be forgotten

I took a chance with my heart 

And I feel it taking over

I have been treated like someone else's option in the past.  There is nothing worse than placing someone as a priority in your life, making sure you include them in your thoughts, plans, and general daily on-goings when they see you as nothing more than someone they frequently talk to.  I have never been one to give half of myself for anything - so why would I want to give half of myself in a relationship.  I have never been one to accept myself as something you can treat as gently as a disposable water bottle you may or may not recycle.  Yet so many times I have been treated as such...an option to pick up or drop whenever someone whims may have changed.

Being treated as an option comes with many ups and downs.  Not only do you often feel taken advantage of, but you start to wonder the intention of any person you may meet.  Because you are seen so slightly in the eyes of a person you find so significant in your own world, you tend to see others in a way you normally would not.  Kindness becomes suspicion of what someone may want from you, or what they may take from you.  You no longer believe someone else when they tell you they will do something, call you, or help you.  You no longer find yourself looking at the world for possibilities for new adventure - you look at the world wondering when you will be able to see at all.

Being treated as an option has caused me to treat someone in my life as I would want to be treated...
I want to be treated with love, respect, and honor.

Being treated as an option has taught me how to treat others....
and never forgetting to tell them how important, wonderful, and special they are to me.

As an option, you may be considered great for the moment.  In my heart, this is not only confusing, but against what I want others to feel about themselves.  As an option you may often feel you are happy with the scraps.  In my mind, this goes against how I would ever want someone else to feel.  Engaging in, interacting in, and showing interest in the other person should never be an option, it should be the natural inclination toward allowing that person to know how you feel about them, where they stand, and where your feelings lie within.

There are many days where I feel forgotten.  And at that moment, something happens to let me know that may not be the case.  Forgotten in the sense that I begin to wonder what I am doing, what am I thinking in actually offering hope for my feelings.  Forgotten in the way you feel something may have changed without your knowledge, or maybe what you thought was there was not really truly there.  Due to being treated as an option before, I am more inclined to feel forgotten due to my own fears of being left behind. 

Treating someone as an option not only belittles their abilities to treat you with respect, it eventually erodes whatever type of intimacy you may have had in the past, or could have in the future.  You are telling that other person you feel so little of them that you are willing to put them on the back burner at the drop of a hat for something or someone else who may come along. You are either all the way in, or just get the hell out.  I am more than just an option - I have feelings, I have intelligence, and I have a heart.  If you can not understand this, please do me the favor of letting me out while I have dignity remaining.