What makes a man a father or grandfather

My children have a plethora of grandparents.  In total count, there are 3 grandmothers, 4 grandfathers and a Pam.

I come from a family where my parents are still married, and have not been married to anyone else.  My maternal grandparents were together until my grandfather passed away in 1981, and my grandmother never remarried.  My paternal grandparents were divorced shortly after my father was born, and subsequently my grandfather was not part of the family any longer.  My grandmother remarried my step-grandfather, Jim, and  they had my uncle but later divorced.  She passed away in 1977 - not long after I was born. While I met Jim, we were not close to him.  He was a great grandfather to my uncle's kids, and would send cards to us at Christmas, but we were not taking family vacations to visit.

Growing up, I never had the awkwardness of sharing time between families as my kids must do now. Their family tree is a confusing tangle of branches. My ex-husband's parents, Kim and Dale, have both been married 3 times each.  With each marriage my mother-in-law has had, the person is included in our family.  Her second husband is Grandpa Bill.  Her third husband is Grandpa Robert.  Due to the divorce between Bill and Kim, there was another marriage, resulting in another grandmother of sorts, Kathy.  Dale remarried, and his third wife is Pam.

Truth be told, the men who were married to Kim after her divorce to Jared's father have shown more attention to my children than Jared's father, Dale, has.  Grandpa Bill and Grandpa Robert have been a part of the kids' lives in a much more active role than Dale.  From birth, my father along with these men have been there for birthdays, holidays, held the kids when they were toddlers, attended school events, and did more than simply send a card every 5th Christmas and birthday.

I don't mean to seem critical of Dale.  There are many reasons why the lack of communication has effected his grandchildren.  There are many rifts in the family between Jared, Dale, myself, and everyone else.  Tyler, being the only person in the family to pass along the last name, did not receive a birthday card from Dale until he was 7.  Hard feelings and stubborn hearts can often cause people to say, do, and show things differently.  And my children must suffer in some ways due to this.

My children do not know most of what rifts occurred before or after their births.  I have maintained separation of adult and child scenarios that they do not need to be privy to.

Grandpa Bill and Tyler

Auntie Arin and Grandpa Robert

Grandpa Bill and Emi

What always strikes me, however, about the 3 active grandfathers in their lives is the choice, the decision, and the desire to maintain a relationship.  It is not always easy to do this, and for their efforts, I am forever grateful.  These men have chosen to pick up where someone else has either left off, or failed to even show up.  They have loved my children regardless of issues with someone or something else.  They have taken care of them while they were sick, took interest in them as individual people, and watched them develop into the people they are today.  They have not allowed outside influences to determine their level of attention, level of interaction, or level of love to be swayed.