It is ironic how life works. One moment I feel very strong in mind, body, and spirit. I feel I can leap tall buildings, climb the highest mountains, dive to the deepest depths of the sea, and walk on the moon. I walk outside and feel that familiar warmth of the sun upon my skin and find comfort in this. I meet new people and do not feel the need to shy away. I feel happy, carefree, and light as a feather. And then, this dark numbness that makes me feel like I need to protect myself as much as I can. All those moments in which I have been hurt rush toward me like rapid waters, and I am left feeling battered on the side of the stream wondering what has happened.
This dark numbness, it is not a welcome feeling. I do not want this feeling within my heart. Along with the numbness comes the fear of heights, the fear of falling, the fear of exposure, the fear of being hurt once again. I am left wondering what I have done to the universe to receive such horrendous treatment, and if this is normal for everyone, or is some horrible karma I created biting me in the ass. One thing is for sure, had I known I was messing with the universe at large, or karma, I sure as hell wouldn't have continued on the path to self destruction that led me to this dark numbness I am feeling right now.
It is that yin to the yang; the light verses darkness that has me feeling as if I have whiplash. The protesting I may do is done in quiet, the responses I may have are typically left only as a whisper within the wind. So why is it that the karmic yin/yang and universe are unfolding their hardest hits against me?
Once again I am forced with the decision to keep my head up, not let the attacks upon my heart effect my daily outlook. Once again I am forced to face unpleasant memories that flood and drown all senses and create the numbness. Once again it has happened that my day was disrupted and I am forced to just deal with it...again.
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