The past vs. the present

That subtle difference between the present and the past is the ability and desire to move forward, step by step, breath by breath.  It isn't a quick movement, or something that happens over night.  Rather, it is a process of learning and re-learning how to sit up, crawl, walk, then finally run toward a future.  A future that involves a new approach to living, a new method of doing something, and at all costs not turning around and reliving or returning to what was.

I am learning how to live a life that involves simple joys, good friends, great family, and above all - happiness.  Too many times I have allowed myself to follow in the footsteps of my past.  Too many times I have simply allowed my heart to suffer at the cost of appearing things are okay.  Too many times I have sacrificed what I feel to be true, right, just, and good for what someone else has offered.  The actions of others that have been devastating to me where I simply kept quiet, only later to hear I am at some level to blame for those actions...those days are over.  I am no longer willing to be the victim of opinion.  I am no longer willing to be your door mat in which you call or contact me when you feel it of importance.  I am no longer willing to be the topic of conversations for my private moments I am struggling within for which you believe should be public knowledge.  I am no longer willing to be that caring person toward those who do not share care toward me. 

I am learning how to let go.  This is not easy.  I have never been able to just walk away, leaving everything alone and never returning.  I have never been that person who could be callous toward others, forgetting the smallest of endearing moment.  I have never been that person to say goodbye easily.  But in not letting go I have allowed my heart to become cluttered with items that only create drudgery within my life.  I am only allowing my heart to be that of a prison to the past, where the present has a hard time visiting and the future is on the Do Not Allow Visitation list. 

Funny how one day you wake up and realize you are actually ok, and don't care any longer about certain things...what an amazing feeling to have.  That is when you know you have allowed the past to rest, and you are now living in the present.  You are able to look toward a future, and you welcome this future without all that held you back.  With the past, I am not only going to survive...but THRIVE on life's lessons taught me, and will become stronger beyond my wildest of dreams.  My present is waiting for me to arrive, and I am finally answering the door to allow the good to enter.