There was a time...

There was a time where all of my world revolved around you.  Where I put forth the biggest of efforts to show how I felt, where I felt this new source of happiness I had not felt.  

I used to believe all the words you uttered, enjoying each syllable as it left your lips and sailed into the air for my ears to hear.  I used to long for your touch, cherished the moments we were together, sacrificed many things to just be near you.  I used to feel this great energy filter through my body when I was near you.  This electric magnetism in which you also agreed was there. I found the method in which we met profound, the ability for us to be together amazing, and the fact we wanted to be with one another encouraging.

I used to trust you, trust in you. I thought there was nothing you could do to hurt me.  I thought you were on my side, we had the same feelings about us, and the desire to a future together.  I saw you as my future, as the opposite of all I had before and all I had ever wanted. I wanted nothing more than to be near you, to share, to grow, to have you say I was yours and the slight worry I would somehow be disappointed if I knew who you really were.  I used to find great comfort in your questions about how I was, what I was thinking, and how I felt.  I thought you could do anything; you were quite simply one of the best things I could have had walk into my life.

I thought the world of you; 

I wanted to be with you, and would have sacrificed much to do that.

But in the end, there was nothing left to want.  There was nothing left to trust, and words that were once a source of comfort became bullets taking aim at my heart.  Where once there was great care with me, you left me feeling shattered on the side of the road.  I felt cast away, I felt lost, and I felt hurt. 

To know now all I do, I am not sure I would repeat the past.  I am not sure I would want to feel like a rag doll, overlooked by something newer.  I am not sure I would want to be toyed with, I am not sure I would want to ruin this image of who I thought you were verses who you turned out to be.  It is not that you are a terrible person; you were just not as kind to me as you could have been.  I loved that feeling of breaking out of the caterpillar cocoon into a butterfly state.  But the problem with that is butterflies have very limited time to fly among the birds before their wings wear out, and they must find safety at the end of their journey.