Sunday ponderings

Sometimes I wonder just how I got here from where I started out.  I met my ex husband at 19, married and a mother by the end of my 21st year.  So, I never had that opportunity to know who I am without terms like wife or mom associated closely behind. While I wouldn't trade my kids in for time out with girlfriends, I rarely get to just have 5 minutes to use the restroom. Where is that place; where am I at?

•      Single. 
•      Divorced. 
•      Mom of 2. 
•      No college degree due to leaving school when I became pregnant with my first child. 
•      Constantly worried about bills. 
•      No real time to just be Ruthe except the brief moments of solitude to or from work in between dropping kids off or picking kids up.

I married at 21, knew the marriage was bad by 22, and made a promise to leave if things didn't improve in 5 years at the age of 23.  And in keeping that promise, I left with 2 kids in tow at age 28.  Working for barely more than what it took to run a household, I learned over and over how to sacrifice my needs for the needs of 2 kids. I've been blessed to stumble into jobs that are beyond my true skill set. I mean, without a degree it is hard to get a job doing anything. The one thing I do have is a desire to learn, so this has worked to my benefit. But there is still so much shame in being who I am...I often wonder how someone would think I was a good catch given my offerings to the table.  I don't have an important title of Vice President of so-and-so, I make enough to support the family, but it is not in the triple digits...I haven't traveled to far off places to add an air of awe when I describe going to Flagstaff, AZ for a vacation.  I am just Ruthe...

Bottom line, regardless of any success I may have, strides for improvement I make, or sacrifices made, I'm still just a single, divorced, uneducated mother of 2 who struggles to make ends meet financially, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I rarely ask for help.  I don't have a regular babysitter I call when I want to go out...I don't ask for help financially, and can count on one hand when I have asked for that.  I don't assume someone is willing to help me.  It is ironic or funny to me that in spite of rarely asking for help, I hear the backlash just the same. I am damned because I don't ask for help. But in asking for help I am damned when suddenly I'm seen as someone who takes. And those who say they will be there, or be able to help usually leave in the long-run. I don't think I ask for too much, of expect more than I should...

No, quite the opposite that I've come to expect very little from others including family and friends due to this. Time after time I've been let down, hurt, and seen as someone who's intentions are different than what my heart may feel. If something needs to be done, I know I count on only myself for most every situation I may face.

I'm tired. I'm tired of hoping for something tangible when I struggle at times to act on faith.

I do most of my daily routines by myself. I don't have someone to cook dinner for me if I'm tired. I don't have someone holding my hand when I'm scared. I don't have someone to hug me when I feel my world is crashing around me. If I am short on money there is no child support check in the mail that will help. And while I have the kids to offer hugs, it isn't the same. And while I have my guy to talk to, he is also far away and unable to offer anything more than a kind voice on the end of a phone line. This is something I knew in the beginning, and I certainly do not begrudge this...The times I spend with him are my times of serenity where I can only focus on myself and him.

To some, I am sure this sounds very selfish, and I signed up for this when I had kids.  After all, isn't that what having kids does?  Forces you to grow up, think of others instead of yourself?  Your desires are always constantly measured by the needs of your family, and really, who am I to complain...I signed up for this.

I am sure to the outsider I may appear strong. I get things done. I fight for what needs done.I juggle the needs of 2 additional people beyond myself, and do what is best for them.  Truth is, I am constantly in fear of the juggling act, and cry out to the Lord more often than not for sanity to just remain a feature I maintain out of necessity.

I didn't sign up to be a single parent.  I was not one of those women who wanted to have it all, do it all, and all on my own.  I wanted to have the white picket fence, the happy marriage, the life described to me in movies.  I didn't sign up to be emotionally battered by the person I married, or have my kids not hear from him on a regular basis because he is busy perfecting himself.  Hell, most days I would love to be able to perfect one small aspect of my routine.  I didn't sign up for raising two kids into adults while he decides to do whatever he feels.  And this has been the case since before the kids were even born...this started when I was pregnant with my first child, and gradually became a mountain of self-doubt to whether something was wrong with me.  Why isn't he coming home?  I must have done something to make him not want to be here....why does he decide to not help with the kids?  I must have done something to make him not want to help...and on, and on,and on.

Truly, I have been alone for so long, I wonder if things were different, how would that feel?  How would it feel to know that someone over the size of my children was waiting for me to come home, excited to see me, or maybe not even excited to hear about my day, but just comforted in my presence.  I wonder why I have been faced with so many obstacles while others seem to breeze through...and I wonder why I have not been faced with other obstacles that could be far worse...

I had dreams.  I had big plans.  I wanted to finish school, start my career, then think about all these things that are on my plate now.  While I can still finish school, the primary focus is on the kids, and making sure they do everything they need to do, have everything they need...

Right now I am very frustrated with things in general.  There is not a face to it, a tangible method of facing my enemy...you can't stare fear in the face and tell it to leave...you can only work through what you fear, and grow.  I am so blessed, and so happy with where I am in life for most every hat I must wear.  I am happy being a mom, happy to have my job, happy to be in a relationship that spans several thousand miles...but sometimes I just need a hug, and for someone to tell me I will be okay...I will make it...and what I set out to do is still part of the plan...

Sweet Caroline - bahm bahm bahm

Hello, my name is Ruthe Lane, and I am an emotional person.  I cry at the drop of a hat. I cry when I am happy, sad, mad...over-active tear ducts are definitely something I am familiar with.   And tonight, I had an epiphany.  I also cry during sports events...

I have sworn off sappy chic-flicks for the reason of over-active tear ducts.  The reason why I swore them off was due to one of the last sappy crappy I watched, 'Leap Year,' shortly after having gone through a break up this summer.  Let me tell you, that damn wedding toast had me crying for 3 hours straight...you know the one; that really sweet lyrical toast given in the middle of the wedding that you want to have someone tell you:

"May you never steal, lie or cheat. 

But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. 

And if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life. 

And if you must cheat, then please cheat death, 

because I couldn't live a day without you"

I still hold out hope to marry again some day, and hold out hope to use this during my wedding...

No, I swore those movies off...and then my friend wanted to watch 'Dear John.'  Okay, I watched it.  And it wasn't as bad as I thought because I am in a different frame of mind. I am dating someone new, happy, and somehow the sappiness didn't seem to matter.  But, that is also the last sappy movie I have watched.

Fast forward to today, January 28, 2011.  Still seeing the guy I was seeing when watching Dear John, happy in general with things in my life...the only thing missing right now is, well, the guy being here and not in another state, and baseball.  That would complete my day.  So, to fill the gap of one of my wants, I put in 'Fever Pitch.'  

First off, anyone who knows me knows I am a baseball fan.  I may not be the biggest on knowing stats, but I love watching the game.  And there are certain rules I have, which some of them have been broken.  For example - as an Angels / Red Sox fan I could not think of crossing party lines, so to speak, and date a Yankees fan...that is just unthinkable.  What would RSN think?  Well, enter the guy I am seeing, who likes to kindly remind me each chance he gets of how many pennants his team has won.  Being a fan of the opposing side, I just roll my eyes.  Another rule I have is to watch as much baseball as I can watch, but not go overboard.  Let's face it, too much of a good thing is just too much.  You need a balance, and if you do not have that balance life shifts into the Bizzaro World that is spoken of in Superman comics...no, we don't want that.  These are guidelines for my watching and enjoying baseball...and so far, up until July, 2010, I was doing good (that is when I started seeing my guy.)  That being said, I really don't see this movie as a sappy chic flick.  If anything, it is a sappy Sox flick where anyone who has followed the Sox, knows someone who follows the Sox, loves someone who follows the Sox, and/or participated in anything Red Sox Nation related can completely relate to.  We are crazy fans.  We live and breathe our boys of summer.  We get miserable when they lose, and feel like we could soar with eagles when they win.  There is even a quote in the movie that describes the passion the Nation has for our team:

Troy: Why do we inflict this on ourselves?
Ben: Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down.
Troy: Huh?
Ben: That's right. I mean - why? Because they haven't won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They're here. Every April, they're here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don't get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that's here for you.

I can laugh at the character named Ben because I know guys like him.  I can laugh at the character because I used to date someone similar to Ben.  Yes, I was a Lindsay at one point in my life.  So in watching this movie, it is nice to see this little story of a guy so in love with the Sox she has to cover his ears while he is eating lobster to avoid hearing about the game he is taping.

But that isn't what makes me get teary-eyed watching this movie.  Pardon the language, but screw the love story in this movie.  The part that always makes me tear up, choke up, and have Niagara Falls eyes is seeing the Sox win the World Series in the movie, in 2004, which happened in life, in 2004...after the drought came this over-abundance of delight at these guys winning.  Sweet Caroline, good times never seemed so good.

Tonight while watching the movie, though, it occurred to me something very important.  So important I called my Yankee loving guy and told him my thoughts immediately...those tears, the emotion, and the joy of seeing clips from a former World Series are so dear to me.  They are dear to me because of every year they didn't make it.  They are dear to me for every fan who sat, breathless, hoping they would win each other year, and those that were able to witness it that year, and in 2007.  For Red Sox fans, our pennants are held more dearly to us because it meant the end of a drought...the end of famine...and the beginning of something new.  For each pennant the Yankees may have, I wonder how many hold such reverence for each time they have won.  Do they tear up because they won the 2009 Series?  For Sox fans, so used to disappointment, we see each pennant we have won, or may win in the future, as reverently as we do going to church on Sunday.  Heck, Fenway is a house of worship for some where prayers are made to the Lord to be on our side.

And with any luck, He will be on our side for 2011.

Being far away is difficult

There are so many times when being in a relationship is difficult. It does not matter what type of relationship this is either. It could be the relationship I have with my parents, or brothers; the relationship I have with my children, friends, or person I am seeing. All have an underlying option of being difficult.

In difficult, I do not mean issues, or problems. Regardless of any relationship status this will always present itself at some point. I know, however, it is how you work together that determines the success or failure of the relationship. But that is not the difficulties I am speaking of.

No, the difficulties I am referring to are those situations or circumstances in which you wish you could do more, but are unable to.

I am in a long distance relationship. Regardless of what you wish to define we are doing, ultimately that is what it is. Through this LDR, there are many things that make the road more difficult. I can't go to his place on a Friday night to watch a movie. He can't come over on a random Tuesday night for dinner. We don't have the ability to take lunch together, or even ride in the car someplace. That means the time I am able to spend with him is even more important and valuable. I would never allow the above mentioned scenarios to be a reason to not be with him. I would hope he feels the same.

Case in point - currently he is not feeling good. I would love to be able to go to his place, help him out, even if that meant just washing his dishes so that he can rest. But I am 2500 miles away...stuck in Arizona where all I can really do is pray he feels better, pray he is able to recover quickly, and check in on him to make sure he is okay. This is not the first time he has been sick, and although he is not a sickly individual, I always feel helpless in any attempts I can make on my own being this far away. It is a helpless feeling that bothers my heart, knowing where I would like to be verses where I am.

In many ways, if he was here I wouldn't be able to drop everything to care for him. I don't think he would want that. I have my own responsibilities of children, work, schedules to keep. I have my own list of things to do that keep me occupied nicely. But there would be an opportunity to stop by to help, even for the briefest of moments, that would at least squash the helpless feelings I have now.

Being far away is difficult. Especially when all I would like to do is help him feel better, help him rest easier, and make things a bit easier while he is not feeling good.

Disappointment in others

What is the worst thing someone can say to you when you have done something that hurts them? For me, it isn't that they may be upset, or that they are mad. It is that they feel disappointment in me.

Disappointment - that moment where you feel or know that something is not right, and there is no way to really recover without much time to reflect. When disappointment enters a situation, trust exits. And once trust exits, what is left? What can you do other than try to repair what is damaged, still hoping things will not maintain as they are now. How do you recover from feeling disappointed, and begin to trust again?

I think back on all the moments someone has wronged me in some way, it was the disappointment that hurt most when thinking of their actions. That feeling of being let down, of knowing they could do more or do something better, but they simply chose to do differently. That feeling of wondering if they will act that way again in the future, and wondering if I will be able to trust them now as I trusted them before the event occurred.

I recognize that I may be more sensitive than others. I may take things more to heart than others. And while I may appear to be hard on the outside, or someone who is "religious" it does not equate to what is within my heart. I AM sensitive, and don't like feeling like I am being pulled in a million directions. I am not hard. And while I am spiritual, I do not appreciate having others use this as a weapon of choice, or the topic of conversation when discussing me. I don't push my thoughts onto you, and I certainly don't push my political or religious thoughts onto you. Don't use that as a weapon in describing me to others. If the worst I do is pray and listen to Christian music - who gives a rat's ass...how is this hurting you? I am not praying around you...so leave it alone.

This has happened recently to me multiple times with the same person. Again and again I feel let down by this person. Comments have been made that hurt my feelings, and at the same time this feeling of disappointment where I wonder if they even care that their words were used to run me over. Actions, also, where they decide to do something that really is beyond my expectations in the opposite manner than I care for. It isn't that I want to feel disappointment; I believe I just hold certain things more reverently than they do. Some actions and words said would never be part of my thinking process out of respect for this person. I would never try to look better than this person. Yet, there are times this occurs and I feel like I have been run over by the express bus from hell.

I try to not damage my relationships, but I feel this person has overstepped their boundaries in areas of my relationships, and it is hard to talk about my feelings. The manner in which I have been hurt is something I suppose I need to get over, but will the other people in my relationships that were discussed feel differently due to what was said? Will it damage the overall health of the relationship that I hold very closely to my heart? Will the other shoe fall and something else is said that hurts, that damages both personal and professional relationships? I suppose time will only tell. Time will be the only judge of how things will end up.

To be disappointed in others in more than just feeling uneasy, feeling distrust. It is a method of pushing me away. Whether these actions have been on purpose, because they are upset at someone else, or unaware of how their words may hurt - don't bring me into the mix when all I do is support you in every effort you do. In the end, I don't want to be part of your personal train wreck simply because you were having a bad moment.

“They can’t go anywhere without me and I wasn’t going anywhere without you."

Something to think about the next time my flight is delayed - sometimes it is better to wait. Sometimes in our waiting we may be helping another going through much worse than a delayed flight.

There was a story recently of a man traveling from LAX to Denver on Southwest Airlines. This man had arrived 2 hours before his flight, but due to lines at the check-in counter and security, he was running late for his flight. This part of the story is not unusual...there are millions of stories similar to this every day in every airport in America and, for that matter, the world. What made his flight unique was the reason why he was flying to the Mile High city. He was flying to say goodbye to someone.

This man was going to Denver to say goodbye to his grandson, who was being taken off life support after being beaten so badly by his mother's live-in boyfriend. In Los Angeles for a business trip, he and his wife were able to manage flight arrangements. But, even after arriving to the airport early, he was stuck in line. His wife called to explain what had happened, and let them know he was on his way... As a mother, I can not imagine how this would feel. I can't imagine the ache within their hearts for the pain their daughter is going through, the pain in their own hearts for the loss of a grandchild. We do not expect an event such as this to occur to our children. Our children are supposed to grow, learn, and become adults with a bright future.

The amazing part of this story is what happened...in that old Paul Harvey tag line - the rest of the story goes as follows below from the original posting, http://www.elliott.org/blog/southwest-airlines-pilot-holds-plane-for-murder-victims-family/:

"In LAX, the lines to both check a bag and get through security were exceptional. He got to the airport two hours early and was still late getting to his plane.

Every step of the way, he’s on the verge of tears and trying to get assistance from both TSA and Southwest employees to get to his plane on time.

According to him, everyone he talked to couldn’t have cared less. When he was done with security, he grabbed his computer bag, shoes and belt and ran to his terminal in his stocking feet.

When he got there, the pilot of his plane and the ticketing agent both said, “Are you Mark? We held the plane for you and we’re so sorry about the loss of your grandson.”

The pilot held the plane that was supposed to take off at 11:50 until 12:02 when my husband got there.

As my husband walked down the Jetway with the pilot, he said, “I can’t thank you enough for this.”

The pilot responded with, “They can’t go anywhere without me and I wasn’t going anywhere without you. Now relax. We’ll get you there. And again, I’m so sorry.”

I have not traveled as often as some, traveled more often than others...and most of my flights have gone off without a hitch. No real complaints in terms of when we took off, the flight itself, or the landing...just the normal every day flying experience. I was stuck on the runway at JFK in New York for a good 2+ hours a few months back, which meant I landed later than expected. But in the end, I arrived safely, so that was a successful trip. I was not flying under the tremendous strain this man was under.

In a world that is often on a time schedule, where we must all conform to the times regulated by our schedule, we often do not have even a second to spare. We are so consumed with getting somewhere on time we sometimes fail to take a look around, make sure we have everything we need. I am no exception to this rule. I hate being late, and am known for getting somewhere as early as I can. And sometimes we arrive early only to be held back, forced to go through lines like a mouse through a maze. This man must have been thinking and feeling this at that moment.

The man going through this ordeal will be forever grateful for the kindness presented to him through the pilot. If it were me I would have broken down into tears, hugged the man, and wept as a child. To this man, that pilot was like a savior (not THE savior, but none-the-less, a savior). He had the courage to wait, the courage to hold others back as he waited for one person to arrive.

In many ways, this must be similar to how our Heavenly Father feels once we learn about Him, and want to be closer to Him. Here we are, so small and insignificant within the grand scheme of this world. While we may be the world to others, the world does not function by our command, thankfully. Yet, we have someone who is waiting for us to recognize Him, and when we go to him says “They can’t go anywhere without me and I wasn’t going anywhere without you."

Liars

What bothers me is not that you lied; it is that you took the time to lie in the first place.

Here is the thing - we all lie.  It is in our nature to lie starting with Adam and Eve.  It may be unintentional, by gossip, or by wanting to not hurt someone.  A lie can be as simple as avoiding a situation by saying you have something else to do, to omitting the key parts of a story, all the way up to just staring at someone, looking them straight in the eyes, and telling them some fabrication that you think is justified...

It isn't the lying, the omission, or the avoidance that hurts...it is that someone has actually taken the time to think about what they would say to you, told you, then hoped you would believe them...

...and I, for one, am tired of being lied to.  Here is the other thing; most people will accept the lies rather than face the truth. They would rather live in the land of "Ignorance is bliss" than face reality.  Once faced with the reality they are even more hurt due to all the signs being there the whole time, and the excuses or reasonable doubt given now become part of the lie originally told.

I am not sure what makes someone feel like lying is ever the best option, either.  Sure, you are trying to avoid an argument, or trying to not hurt someone else's feelings.  That is what you say.  But did you ever stop to consider how that person will feel once they learn of your misdeeds?  Do you not realize that eventually, and most likely sooner than later, all lies come into the forefront, and then what?  Once that level of deception unravels, what is next?  Do you tell the person you are sorry?  Do you explain yourself away in hopes of alleviating further damage?  Oh, I know - you lie some more to cover your tracks... you think the more you cover it up, the better it will be, and the longer it will take before the truth may come out.  But that is never the case.  

There is a song that always reminds me of this, called "Over my head", by The Fray.  The lyrics describe this so perfectly:

"I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth"

It is not just the person who takes the time to lie, but others who may know more, but don't bother to tell you.  Those that know more, and when asked avoid the issue.  It is not their fight to fight may be their thinking.  And, they are right. It is not their place to have to explain something.  But they also run the risk of being guilty by association, and sometimes in covering someone else's lie, it also becomes yours.  If you don't want to be associated with the behavior, don't accept the responsibility of falsehood due to allegiance. 

I am not saying that I have been perfect, and never said something just to make someone else feel better.  I am not saying I have not omitted something to save face.  I have just learned after being lied to that it doesn't do any good.  If I don't want to do something, I will tell you.  If I don't like something, I will let you know.  If I say I will do something, like something, want to try something - it is genuinely because I want to do it and not in hopes of being nice to you.  I see no reason to prolong the inevitable simply because I am trying to avoid an issue. 

Respect me.  I don't want to be lied to.  You may need to break it to me gently, but still break it to me.  Don't make me question my own thoughts or beliefs, don't allow me to continue in the land of ignorance.  Let me know so that I can move on, get over it, and heal from what has occurred.  Because, as I previously mentioned, I will eventually find out, and once I do, I will not have any more respect for you.  And along with the lack of respect also will come the need to exorcise you and every part of you from my life. But then, maybe that doesn't bother you considering you felt the need to disrespect me and lie in the first place. 

Having one of those months

Ever had one of those days where you feel your hair is on fire, you are running late, and nothing seems to come together as it should? Maybe you did, in fact, wake up late, burned your hair with a blow dryer or flat iron, and lost your keys at some point and are now turning over your entire house to find them just to leave the house.

This has been my January. Not that it has necessarily been all bad. There have been some bright moments within the month.  But I have felt like I am running on a tread mill - going fast, but still not seeing any new scenery.  And when this happens, I begin to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and generally grumpy.  I need that down time to do what I need to do for me before I can tackle the problems of everyone else.  As I have learned, my attempts to bare the weight of others if I am not strong only proves to be suffocating in the long run.

Since the beginning of the new year I am trying to procure areas I feel I am doing well, increasing my attention to detail. Those areas that bring me the most joy, and in return, the greatest blessings.  I am always working on telling those in my life I love them, how grateful I am for them.  When I can, I let them know they are doing a good job, and that I am proud of all their efforts in whatever they are attempting to achieve.  This year has brought much good news for those I love, and I feel it is important to celebrate them as they should be celebrated.

I have thought long and hard of how to improve my life in areas since the beginning of the new year I feel I am doing less than my best.  I have made some big decisions in this time period.  Decisions that are based on years of struggle, and rather than continue in the race I have decided to surrender.  My white flag has been raised.

For the areas I am struggling, or have surrendered, I am resting all my faith in the Lord.  There is little I can do for improvements past what has been done.  I am trying to release all my frustrations, pain, and difficulties into the hands of Heavenly Father because I cannot do this on my own.  As I have so often learned in the past - trusting in Him is the only thing that matters at the end of the day.  Through any type of turmoil, issue, or general difficulty, He is the one always standing beside me, reaching His hand out to hold me as His child, and comfort me in a way no one else can do.  He is the one constant I have, and the One who loves me regardless of anything I may do.  For every day I feel anxious, He is the one I talk to first to vent, to praise, to ask questions, and to seek guidance.  For this, I am blessed beyond measure.

What would Martin think?

This week marks important milestones in our country's history.  On January 20th we will have reached 50 years since John F. Kennedy was sworn in as our nation's president.  It marks the 82nd birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr., and the 25th year we have recognized his efforts for civil rights.  And it marks yet another year that I can't help but wonder - what would they think if they had lived to see 2011?  Would they be proud of the foundations laid while they toiled in their own tumultuous time? Would they have advise for the youth of our today, as they had for the youth of their day?  And those youth of yesteryear - are they better for the circumstances they witnessed?  Will our youth remember the works by those in the past to make their future easier?

I was born in 1976 - the Bicentennial for our nation.  I was born into a family with two parents, still married, in Durango, Colorado.  My skin color is white; I am so pale white I have been jokingly called clear.  I have never felt what it was like to have someone hate me based on this fact simply because the culture and environment I grew up in didn't support such behavior. I am sure there were outside forces that may have created drama elsewhere, but in my bubble I was unaware someone being darker than me was somehow reason to treat them differently.  I was unaware that prejudice was an actual issue due to my parents who raised me.  I didn't witness tragedy of hatred first hand.  My only glimpse at such evil is really through entertainment by movies, news footage from a different era, and others who have shared their own experiences.  In my life, Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream was my reality.  But, at the same time, I am not so ignorant to the issues that others have experienced in the past, or those that are still occurring today.  Just because I didn't have this issue pressing upon me does not mean I do not recognize the issues we still face today. 

In the time period of when this man was at the forefront of social issues, Barack Obama would have never had the opportunity to become president of their United States.  In the time period of when this man was at the center of civil injustice, another man such as Thurgood Marshall would have never been appointed to a Federal Supreme Court Justice position.  A man such as Colin Powell would have never held Secretary of State for our nation during their time.  There are countless other examples that can be rattled off, but the fact of the matter is these men were able to know the Declaration of Independence options of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness without the work, the life, and subsequent death of Martin Luther King, Jr and others of his time.

This man was men of action, men of understanding, men of power, and men of great controversy.  Martin Luther King, Jr. was a man who saw an injustice, attacked that injustice, and hopefully would have been proud to see the strides we as a nation have made.  I am sure there would have been much more work for this man and others who were not blessed with seeing the harvest of their own seeds planted into the lives of millions while alive. 

While we live in a nation where we recognize others as our equals in theory, there are still areas that do not recognize this in practice.  It is one thing to say "All men are created equal" but quite a different manner to believe this, follow this, and do this on a day to day basis. In order to pursue this dream of those before us, we must continue the work daily.

It is not enough to say everyone is equal.  It is teaching our own children of indifference, and the need to continue moving forward.  It is our own actions against others that display and teach volumes to them.  Charity starts at home, just as acceptance, love for others, and the ability to see the dream continue.  Without this, their work will have been in vain.  Without this, we are nothing more than an attribute we were born with, and none of us can change.

What would Martin think today?  I would hope he would see a nation in a better place due to his work.  I would hope he would recognize those who stood beside him as necessary to the fight he waged, and I would hope he would see a nation filled with youth ready to do better things than that of previous youth.

August 28, 1963

The March on Washington

Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream"

Baseball is my favorite sport

Adrian Gonzalez and me at a fan autograph session in Mesa, AZ; 1/15/2011

I am a baseball fan.  Very happy to admit this, and also tell you I can not wait for the season to start again.  I am an oddity in the baseball world due to my favorite teams both belong to the American League, and have gone head to head in play-off games to where I sound schizophrenic in shouting for both teams.  My teams, in order, are the Angels and the Red Sox

Truth be told, I am apt to be a better Sox fan due to belonging to the Red Sox Nation, having previously dated a Sox fan for nearly 5 years, and knowing more about the players due to this.  But it is the Angels I am able to watch during Spring Training that makes me happy.  It is conflicting and contradictory; I am fully aware of this. 

When talking about who you follow, it always amazes me the different types of fans there are.  You have your die-hard fans that live, breath, and pray to the sport of their liking.  You have the follower who knows what they do and do not like, but also knows if there team doesn't win it is not the end of the world.  The fair-weather fan who likes a team when they are winning and hates them when they lose.  You also have the unaware fan - those who have absolutely no clue what is going on or who is playing, but still manage to have a good time.  And for all the sports there are in the world, I am sure there are more types of fans, but these are the options that stick out the most to me. I have been in all categories at one time or another, I am sure.  But I have a terrible side to me that if I am disappointed beyond all hope, I will drop a team or sport like a bad habit, never to really follow them again.

Case in point - basketball.  Growing up I was a huge basketball fan.  I loved watching the game, knew all the players, knew stats, knew the rules for the game, and was absolutely crazy about Dan Majerle.  Dan, the 3 point shooting guard who was with the Phoenix Suns during a very important time for Phoenix sports. But then, a little thing called a strike in the 90's.  This was, of course, after ridiculous contracts had been signed, and I was so furious I vowed to stop watching the sport...and by stop watching I am talking about forgetting everything I knew, forgetting what I enjoyed about the game, and forgetting the game really existed.  I can count on my one hand the number of games I have been to for an NBA game since that time.  Of the games I have watched, I did enjoy them, but that love for the game is not like riding a bike after years of not riding - it has not come back to me.  The one exception to this rule is the WNBA.  I enjoy watching those games due to the drive these players have, the way they play, and truly the difference in how they play vs. the men.

So how did I become a baseball fan?  And why am I a fan after all the strikes that sport has also endured?  Doesn't that sound rather harsh?  To me, though, I knew once I said I was no longer a fan, there was no looking back.  And, like I said, I will attend games, but just not for the same reason as those I am going to a game with.  I became a fan of baseball when I learned I was pregnant with a boy.  Since I was no longer going to watch basketball I thought it wise to find another sport to follow for the sake of being a mom to a boy.  My ex-husbands family was die hard fans of baseball...Grandma Dandie had satellite television before it was common place to have satellite television...all to follow baseball and her favorite team, the Angels.  Having been a long time fan, she even attended the church where the pastor was also the team's chaplain.  She would get excited when her two loves, baseball and church merged as one...she knew all about the players with stats, whether they liked regular flavored chewing gum or mint flavored variety.  She knew their height, weight, eye color, where they were from and whether they talked to their mothers on a regular basis.  My ex-father-in-law Dale had been drafted to the minor league for the Angels, and a cousin was married on the home plate at the Angels stadium...and this is where my love for baseball began, and where my following the Angels began.  Grandma always hoped for a World Series title for the team, and was one year shy of seeing it happen when she passed away in 2001.

For most, baseball is a game they may be able to see live, but would not ever want to watch on television.  I remember growing up, with brothers who could not wait for playoffs and the World Series and me hoping to escape this hell within the confines of my bedroom walls.  I had no desire to watch the game.  But, now that is different.  I can watch the game live or on television, and get the same emotions in either location.  I can watch old television programs on the MLB network and while I do not know the stats of my teams, I am happy to enjoy a good game anywhere.  Come Spring Training you can find me at the field, watching a game.

Fenway are doing the exact same job that players were doing nearly 100 years ago.  I can't compare how it feels to sit in the stands, close to the grass, sun on my skin, as I watch the "boys of summer" hit, run, throw, pitch, and play as they do.

The reason I love baseball is the calmness of the game.  While most find this boring, I find it soothing.  I like the fact that they are not tackling each other, as is the case in football, or crying foul if someone else touches them as in the case of basketball.  I like the fact that it is a long season, where the players are forced to perform much longer than other sports.  I like the heritage of the sport, and the history of those who have played.  In the end, my finding baseball is what has made me happier than ever watching basketball because it is more accessible to me.  In the end, I am a baseball fan, who follows a few teams, and is proud to be a part of what makes the sport so great - the people who love the game.

Gloria Gaynor had it right all along

It is funny how a song can soothe you when hurting.   Right now, for whatever reason, I am in that type of head space where I feel hurt, ignored, alienated, and just not myself...I have no reason for this feeling to be present.  There was not a dramatic occurrence today, but none-the-less, a general feeling of melancholy is present.  No one has done anything directly to me, or said anything to upset me.  It is just that type of feeling, and it stinks.

Maybe it is just the knowledge that where I am is not where I would like to be.  Maybe it is that I feel like my calls made are purposely being ignored.  Whatever it is, I feel the need to let Gloria Gaynor speak to me.

First come the sounds of a piano playing, sounding vivacious and dramatic...and then the song starts to play...the song that is the anthem for any girl who has been hurt at some point by their significant other...I will survive. 

It is not just the way this song hits you when you feel ignored, or have broken up with someone, it is the method in which it empowers you at a time you feel less than triumphant or strong..."Go on now, go; walk out the door. Just turn around now, cause you're not welcome anymore..."

For every time some yo-yo has broken my heart, this song has been there...that healing process I need to just know I will be okay...the lyrics not only speak volumes to the aching heart, it also speaks to your senses of what you need to do.  That feeling of not knowing how you will continue on with your today, much less what you will do tomorrow is summed up nicely in about 3 minutes.  All those emotions of wondering how you will get through suddenly melt away for a few moments...for a few moments you are no longer wallowing in the doubt of who you are, what happened, or why things went the way they went.  You are strong again, feeling like the decision (regardless of who made the decision) to move on will be what is needed, and hopefully you are not revisited by the ghost of this boyfriend past.

Hopefully this feeling will pass, and I will be back to normal.  Hopefully intuition is nothing more than insecurity.  Hopefully I will feel better by this afternoon.  But whatever it is, and whatever happens, I will survive, thanks to Ms. Gaynor and her voice...

I will survive

First I was afraid
I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live
without you by my side
But I spent so many nights
thinking how you did me wrong
I grew strong
I learned how to carry on

and so you're back
from outer space
I just walked in to find you here
with that sad look upon your face
I should have changed my stupid lock
I should have made you leave your key
If I had known for just one second
you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door
just turn around now
'cause you're not welcome anymore
weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye
you think I'd crumble
you think I'd lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
as long as i know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
Now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I'm not that chained up little person
still in love with you
and so you felt like dropping in
and just expect me to be free
now I'm saving all my loving
for someone who's loving me

Strange English slang words

And then you have those words that are more slang than real...


Erinaceous - Like a hedgehog

Lamprophony - Loudness and clarity of voice

Depone - To testify under oath

Finnimbrun - A trinket or knick-knack

floccinaucinihilipilification - Estimation that something is valueless. Proper pronunciation based on Latin roots: flockə-nowsə-nəkələ-pələ-fək-ation.

Inaniloquent - Pertaining to idle talk

Limerance - An attempt at a scientific study into the nature of romantic love.

Mesonoxian - Pertaining to midnight

Mungo - A dumpster diver - one who extracts valuable things from trash

Nihilarian - A person who deals with things lacking importance (pronounce the ‘h’ like a ‘k’).

Nudiustertian - The day before yesterday

Phenakism - Deception or trickery

Pronk - A weak or foolish person

Pulveratricious - Covered with dust

Rastaquouere - A social climber

Scopperloit - Rude or rough play

Selcouth - Unfamiliar, rare, strange, marvelous, wonderful. For example: The List Universe is such a selcouth website!

Tyrotoxism - To be poisoned by cheese

Widdiful - Someone who deserves to be hanged

Zabernism - The abuse of military power or authority. I wonder how long it will take for this one to show up in the comments.

Words I find interesting

The words we use to convey a message are just as important as the message we would like to deliver.  They can help others form an educated opinion of what we are speaking of, how we may feel about the subject, and where we intend to go with the message we are delivering.

In 2008, I made a New Years resolution to learn a new word a week. I learned new words that were interesting, and eventually became part of my regular usage...since then I have "collected" words to remember and to use instead of similar words that can relay a similar message.

While I did not learn a new word a week that year (I stopped somewhere in September), I did learn the value of knowing additional meanings, finding the unique aspect of how I speak.

Now, if only I could find other words to use instead of situation, scenario, circumstance, and moment, I will be on my way to better writing for 2011...that is my goal for this year, the goal of writing my words better, speaking my words more clearly, and understanding the need to enrich my life with additional verbage.
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fulsome - (adjective ) [foo l-suh m, fuhl-]

1. offensive to good taste, esp. as being excessive; overdone or gross: fulsome praise that embarrassed her deeply; fulsome décor.
2. disgusting; sickening; repulsive: a table heaped with fulsome mounds of greasy foods.
3. excessively or insincerely lavish: fulsome admiration.
4. encompassing all aspects; comprehensive: a fulsome survey of the political situation in Central America.
5. abundant or copious.
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desideratum - (noun, plural -ta )[dih-sid-uh-rey-tuh m, -rah-, -zid-]

1. something wanted or needed.
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jejune - (adjective ) [ji-joon]

1. without interest or significance; dull; insipid: a jejune novel.
2. juvenile; immature; childish: jejune behavior.
3. lacking knowledge or experience; uninformed: jejune attempts to design a house.
4. deficient or lacking in nutritive value: a jejune diet.
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effete - (adjective ) [ih-feet]

1. lacking in wholesome vigor; degenerate; decadent: an effete, overrefined society.
2. exhausted of vigor or energy; worn out: an effete political force.
3. unable to produce; sterile.

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enormity – (noun, plural -ties) [ih-nawr-mi-tee]

1.outrageous or heinous character; atrociousness: the enormity of war crimes.

2.something outrageous or heinous, as an offense: The bombing of the defenseless population was an enormity beyond belief.

3.greatness of size, scope, extent, or influence; immensity: The enormity of such an act of generosity is staggering.

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esoteric – (adjective) [es-uh-ter-ik]

1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions.
2. belonging to the select few.
3. private; secret; confidential.
4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras.

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counterpart – (noun)  [koun-ter-pahrt]

1. a person or thing closely resembling another, esp. in function: Our president is the counterpart of your prime minister.
2. a copy; duplicate.
3. Law . a duplicate or copy of an indenture.
4. one of two parts that fit, complete, or complement one another.

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prevaricate – (verb -used without object, -cat·ed, -cat·ing.) [pri-var-i-keyt]

1. to speak falsely or misleadingly; deliberately misstate or create an incorrect impression; lie.

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proscribe – (verb -used with object, -scribed, -scrib·ing.) [proh-skrahyb]

1. to denounce or condemn (a thing) as dangerous or harmful; prohibit.
2. to put outside the protection of the law; outlaw.
3. to banish or exile.
4. to announce the name of (a person) as condemned to death and subject to confiscation of property.

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transgression– (noun) [trans-gresh-uh n, tranz-]

1. an act of transgressing; violation of a law, command, etc.; sin.
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turbid – (adjective) [tur-bid]

1. not clear or transparent because of stirred-up sediment or the like; clouded; opaque; obscured: the turbid waters near the waterfall.
2. thick or dense, as smoke or clouds.
3. confused; muddled; disturbed.

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compunction – (noun) [kuh m-puhngk-shuh n]

1. a feeling of uneasiness or anxiety of the conscience caused by regret for doing wrong or causing pain; contrition; remorse.
2. any uneasiness or hesitation about the rightness of an action.

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inveigh – (verb -used without object) [in-vey]

1.to protest strongly or attack vehemently with words; rail (usually fol. by against ): to inveigh against isolationism.

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exigent – (adjective) [ek-si-juh nt]

1. requiring immediate action or aid; urgent; pressing.
2. requiring a great deal, or more than is reasonable.

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emote – (verb -used without object, e·mot·ed, e·mot·ing.) [ih-moht]

1. to show or pretend emotion: to emote over the beauties of nature.
2. to portray emotion in acting, esp. exaggeratedly or ineptly; behave theatrically: The actress emoted for all she was worth.

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hebetude (noun) [HEB-i-tood', HEB-i-tyood']

1. mental lethargy or dullness: "Ken avoided my simple questions, not with artful equivocation, but with blunt herbetude and blank stares, as if I was speaking another language."
adjective form: hebetudinous
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sang-froid (noun) [sawn-FRWAW]

1. great coolness and composure, especially under strain; calmness: "Maya approached her boss with a series of biting criticisms, and she withstood his firestorm response with a sang-froid that only upset him further."
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stoicism (noun) [STOE-i-siz'-ahm]

1. an indifference to pleasure or pain; stolidity; impassiveness: "Once his team had sunk to a sufficient depth in the league standings, Anthony would regress into a dour stoicism, beyond reach for the rest of the year."
2. the philosophical system and maxims of the Stoics, founded by the Greek philosopher Zeno, about 308 B.C.
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williwaw noun[WIL-ee-wah']

1. a violent gust of cold wind or squall blowing from a mountainous region towards the sea, especially near polar latitudes, such as the Straights of Magellan
2. any sudden gust of cold wind: "A brisk williwaw shot over us soon as we opened the door to exit the movie theater, and our advance tickets went soaring down the block."
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somnolent (adjective) [SOM-nah-lahnt]

1. feeling sleepy or drowsy: "The sun came pouring through the windows, filtered gently through the greenery of surrounding trees, warming my skin and leaving me somnolent and content on the couch."
2. inducing sleep, or apt to induce sleep  adverb form: somnolently
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confabulate (intransitive verb)[kahn-FAB-yah-layt']

1. to have an informal, easy conversation; chat: "He was a brilliant educator who always made time to confabulate with students."
2. (as in psychology) to fill in gaps in memory with fabricated accounts of events that one believes are true  noun forms: confabulation, confabulator adjective form: confabulatory
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pneumatic (adjective) [noo-MAT-ik, nyoo-MAT-ik]

1. of, relating to, or involving air, gases, or wind: "Judith kept her windows sealed and the air conditioner and air purifier humming to fully regulate the pneumatic environment of her apartment."
2. of or relating to pneumatics (the branch of physics dealing with the mechanical properties of air and other gases)
3. moved or operated by compressed air (usually a tool or machine); 'a pneumatic drill'
4. filled with air, especially compressed air; 'a pneumatic tire'
5. (as in zoology) having cavities filled with air, as the bones of many birds; 'pneumatic bones,' 'pneumatic cells'
6. of or relating to the pneuma (in Stoicism, the soul or spirit); spiritual
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stymie (transitive verb, noun)[STIE-mee]

1. to thwart, stump or present an obstacle to: "In the middle of the parking lot, the locking device designed to stymie shopping cart thieves clamped down on Bailey's cart, leaving him straining and cursing miserably."  noun
2. an obstacle that hinders progress
3. (as in golf) a situation in which an opponent's ball blocks the line between your ball and the hole
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benignant (adjective) [bi-NIG-nahnt]

1. favorable or beneficial: "We have been lucky to have had a benignant mayor that is sympathetic to our cause."
2. kind and gracious in appearance or conduct; 'a benignant king'  adverb form: benignantly

Lost amongThe Walking Dead

Lost, Season 3 cast

It has been nearly a year since my friends Hurley, Sawyer, Jack, Sun, and Julia graced my Tuesday evening.  Oh, the fun we used to have...I could use a good "Son of a bitch" right now from Sawyer...This was what made my Monday okay, knowing I was one day away from greeting my friends at 8pm; my kids knew to not speak a word during the show, if someone called their call was ignored.  If someone dared stop by the house, they were promptly ushered to the door, if the door was even opened for them.

There has been much discussion about the ending of the series - did it answer all the questions we had, were we duped the entire series in believing they had survived even one moment on the island, and why would we have bothered watching the show in retrospect given what we know now.  To this, I can say no, no, and maybe.  No, I don't feel my questions were answered, but while watching "The End," it didn't seem to really matter.  Much like life, we don't always have our questions answered in a nice, neat, 22 minute sitcom scenario, or even after watching about 85 hours of Lost (that, my friend, would be 121 episodes at 42 minutes each).  Not all answers to our questions will be as simple as we would like, and not all our problems will have as difficult of answers as we expect.  And this is the kernel truth to everything we must face in life.

Hurley and Sawyer reunited, Season 6

So, if it was all mindless dribble, where strangers become friends only through tragedy, and are reliant upon each other for mere survival. Learning from each other, learning that material items like a cell phone, clothes and a comfortable mattress to sleep on may not be at the level of importance we place them on; the value of necessities like medicine and the knowledge of personal safety are more important than we realized.  The bonds formed between other people, the need to accept others, the need to work together and learn to live with how others act is ever more needed in our world.  While we do not suffer from issues with a smoke monster, polar bears, and "Others", we do suffer from our own problems that create chains around our hearts, and bars around our minds that prevent us from moving forward, pressing forward.  


When the show ended, I had a huge gap of time in my life suddenly.  That really makes me sound like I don't have much of a life at all - but Lost was more than just a television show - it was a culture, a reference to intellect, a source of joy, and a source of frustration.  Then, The Walking Dead entered my television viewing life.

Rick riding into an epidemic-filled Atlanta

The Walking Dead, a story about some mysterious epidemic that left people without soul; a body walking around that was willing to avenge at any point.  For those of the living with a soul that was still in tact, well, those people were left to hide out for fear of the walking dead.  As I was watching the show, I found eerie similarities to my old friends Jack, Sawyer, Hurley.  I found myself thinking and linking connections to how my old friends would survive based on my new friends and their issues...not too far off from the same plot, just a different setting.  

In an email to my guy containing a link to Lost being ranked #1 for television drama, he wrote back "Translation = the #1 rated show by hicks from the Midwest who think it's actually stuff that can happen".  I found this funny.  He is not a Lost fan, never really watched the show and for that I tease him about upcoming marathons of the show that he will eventually succumb to.  But he is a fan of TWD.  We have had long conversations regarding our plan of escape should this happen, where we will meet each other, and how we plan to survive.  So, to see his reply saying 'think it's actually stuff that can happen' gave me a huge smile on my face.
And my reply back within the string of emails was simply: "Hmmm...says the guy who has an escape plan with me in the event Walkers decide to attack...interesting!!"
And after a few minutes, he replied back:  "LOL.touche, dear Ruthe. damn it."

While he may not believe me, Lost is a parallel universe to The Walking Dead.  That, in and of itself is ironic due to the flash forwards, flash backwards, and flash sideways we experienced on Lost.  But, here is my reasoning why - the characters.  Each of the characters could be distant relatives of those on the island...and here is my list of those similarities.

Lost's Jack vs. TWD's Rick

Jack Shephard

Jack was initially and long-withstanding captain of the ever sinking ship the castaways were on.  He was the leader, the one who tried to maintain everything and everyone.  He was the one who would help if someone was sick, thanks in part to being a surgeon by trade.  He was the one people could talk to, listen to, and for some seasons, feel safe with having him around.  He was the ultimate man in the white hat (to those familiar with Lost, and the descriptions of white / black, good / bad, you will get this).  He was always trying to maintain safety of those who were "in his care".

Rick Grimes

Rick was the deputy injured shortly before the beginning of the epidemic.  How long before is not clear, but it is something that we have seen flashbacks of (again, Lost) while he was in the hospital.  Upon waking up in the hospital of the walking dead, he goes home to realize his wife and child are gone.  He then starts his journey to where he believes he can find them, in the process meeting others who are in his similar predicament.  Upon being united with his family, he becomes the person who starts making decisions, attempting to keep everyone safe, and taking them to other locations in an effort for that safety.


Lost's Kate vs. TWD's Lori

Kate Austin

Kate was the secret felon on the aircraft the day they were bound for LAX.  While on the island she may have redeemed herself for anything she did on the main land.  But Kate was never one of my favorites on the show.  She seemed to play the emotions of Jack and Sawyer as a yo-yo...To that I lost much respect for this character, and had a hard time watching her in the show.  In the end, she was not a shrew, but still played the game of "I love you, now get away".  I think she was afraid to be alone, during a tragedy, and needed that human connection we all need - but she took it to a new level.

Lori Grimes

Lori is Rick's wife.  Lori thought Rick was dead due to being told this by Shane.  Shane is Rick's partner...Lori and Shane started an affair when they thought Rick was dead, but then, Rick was not dead.  To this news, Lori told Shane she didn't want him around her family, and after a difficult scene at the CDC it was clear she is like Kate - too much like Kate for my taste.  The whole Lori/Rick/Shane story is the same as the Jack/Kate/Sawyer plot, and we all know where that went...


Lost's Sawyer vs. TWD's Shane

James Ford, a.k.a. Sawyer

 Sawyer, the rough-around-the-edges conman with an eventually seen heart of gold.  The man who started most sentences with "Son of a bitch..." to declare his disgust, excitement, interest, or general feelings of whatever he was talking about.  Sawyer was often seen as the "think for yourself-er" until later seasons revealed him as a key part for how the survivors would continue on the island.  Heck, he didn't even use his real name of James Ford...he used the name of a con who was the reason for his own parents untimely death as a child.  Sawyer, first thought of as a heart of ice, became the man with a heart of gold, ensuring those around him were taken care of. His past was a difficult past, but he made peace with being able to fall in love with the beautiful Julia, and showed us a side of a conman that was not only endearing, but overshadowed Jack in so many ways...at least to me.

Shane Walsh

Shane was introduced to us as the man trying to keep things together until Rick showed up...Rick, his partner, who's wife he bedded while thinking he was dead.  Rick and Sawyer may be on different sides of the law, but they both embody the heart of a man trying to overcome whatever life has not given them.  Both suffer from issues with anger management, and the need to love someone who can never be love them back - Kate and Lori.


Lost's Shannon and Boone vs. TWD's Andrea and Amy

Siblings Boone Carlyle and Shannon Rutherford

 Boone and Shannon were siblings...by marriage only, but none-the-less they were siblings.  Boone was always bailing Shannon out of sticky situations, helping her when everyone else saw her as the rich girl who didn't deserve help, including his own mother.  Their relationship was rocked with layer upon layer of emotion that neither could really comprehend.  Shannon was the weaker of the dynamic duo.  But in the end, Shannon was the one surviving on the island longer, and eventually coming into her own as she learned she was important to the grand scheme of life.

Siblings Amy and Andrea

Andrea and Amy were siblings, but with Andrea being older than Amy, they never really grew up together.  Both strong in their own rights, they also suffered from issues of trying to figure out what their sisterhood really meant with the vast age difference between them.  Andrea was the stronger of the two, but only due to having more experience in the world.  And Amy, similar to Shannon, may not have realized how important she was to her sister.  In the end, it was Andrea that held her after being bit by a walker.  It was Andrea who cried over her death, and eventual uprising as a Walker.  But it was also Andrea who decided to be there for her in the end and not allow any further pain to befall upon her younger Walker sister by shooting her in the head to end the misery.


Lost's Hurley vs. TWD's Glenn 

Hugo "Hurley" Reyes

 Hurley - that guy everyone needs for compassion, for understanding, and for comedic relief.  Hurley was a strong friend when needed, with the heart that felt he would never be rid of bad luck due to winning the lottery with the infamous numbers of 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42.  He had a way of looking at life that would win over any person watching the show...and offer laughs as he combated the mockery of Sawyer.  In the end, it was Hurley who became top man, and in the end, the one who believed beyond reasonable doubt in abilities of his survivor friends.

Glenn

Glenn is the guy who found Rick, helped Rick, and maintained composure as he tackled tough assignments given to him.  He is the one on the show to offer that comic relief we all need while Walkers are attacking our beloved cast of the Living.  He and Hurley share a common bond of enduring protective acts of bravery for those they are forced to live with. 


Lost's Hatch vs. TWD's CDC

Hatch calculator to detonation to evil

 The Hatch...who could forget that clicking time bomb...It was the place that oddly had electricity, books to read, games to play, a record player, and most importantly, food.  It was the central nervous system for preventing disaster, but also the possible reason for why the plane crashed on the island in the first place.  For survivors who helped in the hatch, it was necessary to enter the numbers 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 into a computer every 108 minutes to prevent the world from falling apart...and the very numbers Hurley used to win the lottery.  In the end, the hatch imploded when the numbers were not entered.  It was a test to see what would happen, but more than that, a test of faith and the lessons learned that faith lost is the most tragic of scenarios to befall any human.

Entrance to the CDC

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) was supposed to be the safe haven for our Living.  After the treacherous trip to get there, they were almost not allowed into the hallowed halls.  However, once inside they found electricity, books to read, games to play, a CD player, and most importantly, food.  Sound familiar?  While there wasn't a computer that needed numbers to be entered in every 108 minutes, there was a countdown clock that no one knew about until it was almost too late.  The clock that would force the building to blow up...hmmm...sound familiar again?


I am awaiting the next season of The Walking Dead, and hope it proves to be just as satisfying as the first season.  While nothing will replace my old friends, I am able to see kindred spirits within these new friends...