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| View of Mogollon Rim; Payson, AZ |
You suddenly have weird things happening to your body. As if having bumps, otherwise known as pimples or zits, appear on your face was not bad enough, I suddenly needed to wear deodorant, had hair growing in places that used to be hairless, and notice new wiry hair. Or where once I could wear a t-shirt without thinking about anything other than it matching, now I had to worry about if my bra could be seen under the shirt. Not to mention other things that can happen as a female, it was great times, let me tell you!
My family moved from Scottsdale to Payson, Arizona the summer between 6th and 7th grade. We moved for my parents to start a church with the Foursquare denomination. The church was always very small, filled with good people who had lived in a small town probably their whole lives. To make matters even more complicated, my grandmother, Ladybug, became ill before we moved. She was staying in Cortez, Colorado with my Aunt Lorraine, and needed emergency surgery. We went to be with her as she was in the hospital, leaving me to feel like I never really was able to say goodbye to my friends.
My first impression of Payson was probably less than flattering. Heck, my impression of the town still may be that way. Years after moving there I loved it, but the town was not designed by a master-planner. You have no real small-town plaza section with a town hall, etc. The place looks like the threw darts to determine where businesses and houses would be located. Coming from the big city, or as locals call anything in Phoenix metropolitan area of "the valley" where you had everything civilized to a town with shopping options of Yellow Front (until Wal-Mart came to town) and a Sears where you had to order things from a catalog, I was horrified in my 12 year old wisdom. Sure, the town was surrounded by pine trees, mountains, and cooler weather. But when you are 12 who wants to enjoy that? Another big change was my grandmother moving to Payson, and much to my mother's dismay, was living in a care facility. After being ill before we officially moved to Payson it was determined my mother would be the daughter to help her the easiest. It was a difficult decision to have Ladybug in a nursing home. She was still able to get around on her own, but due to illness, strokes, not driving, and not being able to really stay at home by herself, this was the best option at the time. Due to my grandmother living in the nursing home, my father would hold services at the facility; my brothers and I spent much time in those halls, getting to know the residents, and spending time with Ladybug. She would also come over on the weekends to our house. My mother was completely opposed to my listening to secular music. When she discovered I had a New Kids on the Block tape, she confiscated it. She also confiscated a Living Colour tape. During this time period it was definitely strained between us. As a mom of someone this age, I finally understand why. In her attempts to protect me, I had attempted to be my own person.
At the beginning of junior high my favorite songs were from INXS, George Michael, the Cure, and Aerosmith. By the end I had liked everything from hair bands of Bon Jovi /Skid Rowe to Milli Vanilli and pretty much everything else in between. I was still that shy girl who wanted to please everyone. Afraid to speak up for fear someone would hear me, I remained that timid girl for a while until people knew me. I remember feeling like such an outcast in my family as the only girl, and not really enjoying their activities I would stay home and read. I could talk on the phone for hours at a time, and loved to be by myself, write in my journal, and listen to music if I couldn't hang out with friends - that is, once I had friends after moving.
Starting school that year was unnerving to me. That first day I kept thinking about everything my friends in Scottsdale were doing. The school they were all supposed to go to surely was better than where I was going. That first day I had a girl approach me at lunch. She and her friends were talking to me until another girl approached me, let me know that group of girls was not the best to hang out with, and offered to be my friend. To this day I am friends with that girl, Jessica. The kids dressed differently, had a different approach to things. I was used to a very small school, where my class was a grand total of 22 kids for the entire 6th grade. While this school was not large by any stretch of the imagination, they did not all seem to get along like my other classmates. There was definitely a segregation of jocks vs. smart kids vs. skaters vs. nerds vs. whoever else happened to be in the school. I suddenly had to ride on the bus to and from school.
As I settled into my new school and met more people I became friends with a few girls. One of the girls would like to play games. If she thought I was becoming closer with someone else, she would tell me something awful about them. If she was mad at me, she would others a lie so that they would not like me. There was a situation in 8th grade where I mistakenly told her about liking a guy named Chris. At first she was completely opposed to the idea I would like him. After we started "going out" or whatever it is you do in Jr. high when you like someone, she suddenly had a crush on him, and actually tried to break us up. This went on all through high school, until I eventually learned my lessons the hard way (sadly, it regarded another situation of another boy). The school didn't have a strings program, so I resigned to play the flute again. I don't remember who my first crush was at the new school, but I can tell you that there was not too much of an option when I started going there.
Junior high should be a place where you only go if you have done something horrible. I hated being in junior high. While it is a place to learn academically, it is also a place to learn how not to treat people, things to not do if trying to win over friends, and basically one of the most awful places you can spend your time...I make it sound worse than it really is, but at the time this is how it felt. The hair bands, bad school dances that occurred in the middle of the afternoon, and science projects you thought would never end. It wasn't always horrible, though. In looking back, there were some pretty interesting things I was able to do only because we had moved to Payson, and didn't remain in Scottsdale.
I helped in a tutoring program for elementary school kids; first as a babysitter for tutors, then eventually as a tutor for the school kids. Babysitting for other tutors brought me summer jobs of babysitting for extra money. This is where I discovered my desire to teach others. I participated in a church group ministry where we would dress as clowns, visit hospitals and nursing homes. Not many people can actually say they have been to clown school.
I would be forever changed by several things that happened while in junior high. While I escaped the first 12 years of my life without injury, that would all change when I was 13, almost 14. The Christmas of my 8th grade year I had bumped my elbow. While I hit that funny bone hard, the pain should not have lasted as long as it did. 2 months later after several doctor's appointments it was determined something was wrong. At first they believed I had a bone cancer that required the limb to be amputated due to malignancy. Thankfully, however, it was a giant cell tumor that was rare in someone my age, but did not require drastic measures of amputation. So, in February and July, 1990, I had surgeries. The tumor grew back, hence the need for 2 surgeries. This experience was one of the most difficult things I have ever been through up to this day.
The surgery required a bone graph from my hip to right ulna bone. That, of course, made me limp for a while due to the pain of where the incision was located. I wore a cast from February through August of that year. I had doctor appointments in the valley on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. My cast graduated from a full arm cast to a cast that was cut in half and connected by a rotating piece that allowed me to receive physical therapy for movement and prevent atrophy. The tricky thing about this cast was where the rotating piece was located, and that it exposed 40% of where my incision was made. The doctors were concerned about recovery only due to cutting through nerve and muscle tissue to get to the bone. To this day I do not have total sensation to the touch on this arm where the surgery occurred due to nerve damage. I had to stay home for a while, and in going back to school had to carry a pillow with me to cushion the hardness of a table. To make matters even better, it was my right arm which is also the arm I write with. I had kids make fun of me due to not knowing why I was carrying around a pillow or limping.
This experience gave me the wonderful experience of knowing gratitude in the face of personal tragedy. My doctors appointments were either at the county hospital in Phoenix, or at another hospital called St. Joe's. My appointments did not leave me a chance to feel sorry for myself when I would look around and see babies with severe physical issues that would never be repaired by a surgery - only hopefully helpful for overall physical health. I learned that in spite of anything I was going through, regardless of the pain I was feeling, I would eventually be able to put it behind me.
There are other moments I can remember that are almost laughable now. Those moments you think will continue forever, but eventually pass as everything else does. And then you enter high school for a whole new experience of torment and memory, embarrassment and happiness. This is truly the yin and yang of life.
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