I am human, like anyone else on this planet. According to the world population count in 2008, I am 1 in 6,697,254,041 people. Not really that special...especially with a number like that. I have moments of happiness, moments of sadness. I have family that I love, and friends who are like my family. I have been lucky enough to be born into a country where I have certain freedoms given to me by birth thanks in part to those who fought before I was born. I have the freedom to speak freely, walk freely, and decide what religion I chose to worship. I try to be kind to those I meet, and serve others when given the opportunity.
Most of the time I live in a world of satisfaction. I am not necessarily where I would like to be at my age, but I don't really believe anyone is where they would like to be. It is what makes us human, and what encourages us to go through each day to make it to the next. While I am not sure of my ultimate purpose here on this planet, I am sure I was meant to do wonderful things, and am loved by my family, by my Lord.
But catch me in a moment of stress, and all rationale is thrown out the window. My moments of stress may not be the same as it is for others. My stress includes car and back issues. Ironically, the only reason I have back issues is due to a car. Funny how life works out like that.
My back issues started when I was 19 years old when I was involved in a car accident. Late night, streets dark, and while I still swear up and down that the person who hit me did not have their lights on, and was driving over the speed limit, I am sure they would still say I was not paying attention. None the less, the impact of being rear ended was so great my car was smashed in so much the frame was ruined. My car seat was forever tilted due to the force I was using after being hit to maintain control on the road. My back and neck hurt immediately. And, even after physical therapy I still will have a wonderful burning sensation in my shoulder blades. Fast forward 13 or 14 years, pregnancies, stresses, and another car accident that was significantly less of an impact but damaging just the same, there are days I really have a hard time just sitting at my desk on the computer.
My car issues can not be summed up in one paragraph. And while I have been fairly lucky with the current vehicle I drive, it is still frustrating to me when things are not going well. Most of the issues with the car have been easy to fix, or regular maintenance needs. I have been without a car while mine is being fixed, but it is how I deal with that time that is irrational. I immediately think of things I need to do not just 5 minutes from now, but 5 days from now. I think of all places I needed to go, like the grocery store, wanted to go, just needed to do. It has left me with an anxiety attacks. Full fledged, unable to breathe, unable to cope attacks. It is a car! It is really only filled with metal, plastic, rubber...how could I let an object control my life. But, it isn't an object. It is more what that object represents that leaves me feeling weary. That object can get me from one place to another. That object allows me the freedom to go where I want, when I want.
I have been lucky enough to own cars, and been lucky to not own cars. I didn't drive in high school, and got my drivers license one week before leaving for college. I bought a used car from this really nice old couple. It had low miles, tinted windows, AC, leather seats...too bad I am describing a 1981 Chevy Citation. On the drive from Payson to Tempe - a short 85 miles, the head gasket blew. And this is where my fear of breaking down started. Since this initial stroke of good car health, I have driven many different vehicles. Each one eventually breaks, and leaves me feeling helpless, hopeless, and frustrated. Not unlike the other 6,697,254,040 other people on this planet who experience their own stress levels on different topics or subjects. No, I am not unique in this. I am not special, or different, or raging against the machine. I am human. A human who freaks out when her car is not working.
Most of the time I live in a world of satisfaction. I am not necessarily where I would like to be at my age, but I don't really believe anyone is where they would like to be. It is what makes us human, and what encourages us to go through each day to make it to the next. While I am not sure of my ultimate purpose here on this planet, I am sure I was meant to do wonderful things, and am loved by my family, by my Lord.
But catch me in a moment of stress, and all rationale is thrown out the window. My moments of stress may not be the same as it is for others. My stress includes car and back issues. Ironically, the only reason I have back issues is due to a car. Funny how life works out like that.
My back issues started when I was 19 years old when I was involved in a car accident. Late night, streets dark, and while I still swear up and down that the person who hit me did not have their lights on, and was driving over the speed limit, I am sure they would still say I was not paying attention. None the less, the impact of being rear ended was so great my car was smashed in so much the frame was ruined. My car seat was forever tilted due to the force I was using after being hit to maintain control on the road. My back and neck hurt immediately. And, even after physical therapy I still will have a wonderful burning sensation in my shoulder blades. Fast forward 13 or 14 years, pregnancies, stresses, and another car accident that was significantly less of an impact but damaging just the same, there are days I really have a hard time just sitting at my desk on the computer.
My car issues can not be summed up in one paragraph. And while I have been fairly lucky with the current vehicle I drive, it is still frustrating to me when things are not going well. Most of the issues with the car have been easy to fix, or regular maintenance needs. I have been without a car while mine is being fixed, but it is how I deal with that time that is irrational. I immediately think of things I need to do not just 5 minutes from now, but 5 days from now. I think of all places I needed to go, like the grocery store, wanted to go, just needed to do. It has left me with an anxiety attacks. Full fledged, unable to breathe, unable to cope attacks. It is a car! It is really only filled with metal, plastic, rubber...how could I let an object control my life. But, it isn't an object. It is more what that object represents that leaves me feeling weary. That object can get me from one place to another. That object allows me the freedom to go where I want, when I want.
I have been lucky enough to own cars, and been lucky to not own cars. I didn't drive in high school, and got my drivers license one week before leaving for college. I bought a used car from this really nice old couple. It had low miles, tinted windows, AC, leather seats...too bad I am describing a 1981 Chevy Citation. On the drive from Payson to Tempe - a short 85 miles, the head gasket blew. And this is where my fear of breaking down started. Since this initial stroke of good car health, I have driven many different vehicles. Each one eventually breaks, and leaves me feeling helpless, hopeless, and frustrated. Not unlike the other 6,697,254,040 other people on this planet who experience their own stress levels on different topics or subjects. No, I am not unique in this. I am not special, or different, or raging against the machine. I am human. A human who freaks out when her car is not working.
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