My life is, for the most part, beautiful. I have been very fortunate in my life. I have a wonderful immediate family with my parents who sometimes drive me crazy but always hold me when I fall, brothers who openly tell me they love me without hesitation as adults. I am fortunate to have been married into (and subsequently divorced out of) a family with whom I am still close to, feel their love from miles away, and spending time with them is on the top of my favorite things to do. I have two beautiful children who think for themselves, are thoughtful toward others, and know the value of what family means. I have been blessed with intelligence and wit, of friends who are my family and offer tremendous support. By all accounts of life, and by the score card of my life, I am truly blessed.
Life is not always so beautiful. Especially when you feel down-trodden by what circumstances may offer. One moment you feel you are at the summit of happiness, dwelling in the sunshine of all your diligence. The next moment you are reminded that the valley of despair is actually where you are residing, and the acme summit was more of a desert mirage; something that appeared to be true but was in actuality an illusion of your own creation. Small moments lend to the bigger ideals of your future, but sometimes those small moments feel like a lifetime if pain may be involved. Life is filled with birth and death, of sorrow and laughter, of good and bad. But life is more about how you may see a situation, and give way to possibility than it is giving in to the pain.
Gary Allan sings a song called "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" that sums this tragedy into simple lines of "Life ain't always beautiful, tears will fall sometimes, Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride." His song was about the tragedy of losing the person intended to spend a lifetime with, his wife. But it lends itself to the pain of all who may listen to the lyrics...really listen to what he was trying to say to his wife that offers beauty in spite of tragedy, hope in spite of impossibility, and moving forward in spite of wishing to remain in the past.
I have had the good fortune of being able to see loss as positive. It is not always seen in the moment, and sometimes I have curled myself into a fetal position praying for the morning to lend itself more strength than the day I am attempting to flee. And once around the bend of Sorrow Turnpike, being able to see that light at the end of the tunnel is nothing short of spectacular. This is where I am right now.
I have spent the past week feeling so completely enraptured in possibility. The possibility that makes me dance with renewed strength, sing out loud at the top of my lungs, and laugh until tears spill forward. It is something I have not felt for what seems eons. It is something I have yearned for, and something I have come to understand starts with who I am, what I do, and how I react to my environment. Being held, being told how wonderful you are, and believing the other person tell you is nothing short of faith in action. Faith that I will not be hurt this time, or become vulnerable in ways that will only suffocate the simplistic power actually being offered.
In a world so filled with hatred, I am looking into the face of possible love. It is beyond scary feeling this way; beyond what my feeble mind can sometimes handle. I just know I don't want the feeling to pass. I don't want to wake up again in the valley only to realize I was swallowed into the dreams of a desert mirage. I don't want these moments to end. I find myself praying for ongoing joy, and to allow myself open to new ideas. I find myself praying for health, for a time when I can once again be united, and spend more than just a few days in the peak of life. I want a lifetime. Where once there was a heart that had mended is now a heart with a new opening for exciting adventure. I am enjoying the ride, and wanting it to never end. I never want this feeling to end. If I could offer one small, meager prayer, it would be to allow this feeling to last.
Life is not always so beautiful. Especially when you feel down-trodden by what circumstances may offer. One moment you feel you are at the summit of happiness, dwelling in the sunshine of all your diligence. The next moment you are reminded that the valley of despair is actually where you are residing, and the acme summit was more of a desert mirage; something that appeared to be true but was in actuality an illusion of your own creation. Small moments lend to the bigger ideals of your future, but sometimes those small moments feel like a lifetime if pain may be involved. Life is filled with birth and death, of sorrow and laughter, of good and bad. But life is more about how you may see a situation, and give way to possibility than it is giving in to the pain.
Gary Allan sings a song called "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" that sums this tragedy into simple lines of "Life ain't always beautiful, tears will fall sometimes, Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride." His song was about the tragedy of losing the person intended to spend a lifetime with, his wife. But it lends itself to the pain of all who may listen to the lyrics...really listen to what he was trying to say to his wife that offers beauty in spite of tragedy, hope in spite of impossibility, and moving forward in spite of wishing to remain in the past.
I have had the good fortune of being able to see loss as positive. It is not always seen in the moment, and sometimes I have curled myself into a fetal position praying for the morning to lend itself more strength than the day I am attempting to flee. And once around the bend of Sorrow Turnpike, being able to see that light at the end of the tunnel is nothing short of spectacular. This is where I am right now.
I have spent the past week feeling so completely enraptured in possibility. The possibility that makes me dance with renewed strength, sing out loud at the top of my lungs, and laugh until tears spill forward. It is something I have not felt for what seems eons. It is something I have yearned for, and something I have come to understand starts with who I am, what I do, and how I react to my environment. Being held, being told how wonderful you are, and believing the other person tell you is nothing short of faith in action. Faith that I will not be hurt this time, or become vulnerable in ways that will only suffocate the simplistic power actually being offered.
In a world so filled with hatred, I am looking into the face of possible love. It is beyond scary feeling this way; beyond what my feeble mind can sometimes handle. I just know I don't want the feeling to pass. I don't want to wake up again in the valley only to realize I was swallowed into the dreams of a desert mirage. I don't want these moments to end. I find myself praying for ongoing joy, and to allow myself open to new ideas. I find myself praying for health, for a time when I can once again be united, and spend more than just a few days in the peak of life. I want a lifetime. Where once there was a heart that had mended is now a heart with a new opening for exciting adventure. I am enjoying the ride, and wanting it to never end. I never want this feeling to end. If I could offer one small, meager prayer, it would be to allow this feeling to last.
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