I found a book one time at a store that intrigued me based on the cover. The script was in beautiful cursive; hard back cover with beautiful shades of purple and gold for decoration. I bought the book for myself, and another for my best friend. It became a birthday present for her one year, and a new addition to my bookshelf.
Years later, and in a moment where I needed something...anything...to read, I picked up the book and began to read. It is a short book, not very long in text or size. Words on the page were of typical size print. But the meaning behind the words were powerful...
Years later, and in a moment where I needed something...anything...to read, I picked up the book and began to read. It is a short book, not very long in text or size. Words on the page were of typical size print. But the meaning behind the words were powerful...
I have often found myself struggling between relying upon myself solely, or requesting and inviting my spiritual guide and maker into my life, help me with decisions, and make me into the woman I was intended to be. This is a human aspect of the perfect plan formed long before I was born...and because there is a human aspect there is always room for error.
In the quiet times when I have prayed, asked the Lord for guidance, I have found the greatest comfort. It is the prayers I remember as if I said them yesterday that are the most powerful and unrelenting in a story of a girl named Ruthe. The prayers I said as a 13 and 14 year old, fearful of losing her arm due to an aggressive and rare-for-my-age tumor still dance within my heart when I think of how faithful He is, and how weak I am in so many ways. Years later I am still walking around, using my arm, and ever thankful for what I can do with this limb.
My prayers as an adult struggling with daily panic attacks, requesting to have a good day at work, to allow health issues I was facing to not worsen until my insurance was available are ever present. In the suffering of panic attacks, I was given answers to everything in my early Tuesday morning prayer that were beyond my control, beyond my means, and beyond anything I could have ever dreamed for.
Other prayers while seeking a place to live, being as specific as I could be without feeling over-indulgent in my requests were fulfilled, and the grace of the Lord was in my favor in a situation that was, again, beyond my control. Prayers for guidance while in the middle of an accident driving on the highway, or to give courage and wisdom to bite my tongue as I walked into an office I loathed daily.
I remember one day in particular in February of this year. I was driving to work, surrounded by other cars on the freeway, feeling very humbled at the amazing grace He has given me in my life. In a time when others were losing their jobs, losing their homes, or fearing of losing either one, I was still employed. True, I did not enjoy my job - but He had me there for a reason. I began to pray for the owner of my company to make the right decisions for her employees and company at large, praying for my boss to have patience and understanding with his team, and the ability to work with people who had not only shown me so much grief at work, but offered so much grief in my personal life. It was then when I put my own fears aside I was able to let go of my anger, my feelings of worthlessness, and my feelings of self-pity. It is hard to feel those things when requesting help and support for others. It doesn't work that way...
My prayers are my secret (and sometimes not so secret) journeys to discovery. They are my solace, and my guidance. And this book, of all the random books I allowed to rest on a shelf never to pick up, contained a discussion on this very topic.
Jabez, a man in the Bible, is not mentioned but for a few lines. He is not someone we may have read about as a child in Sunday School, or have images of in a christian book store. He is not a Moses, Abraham, John the Baptist, or any icon for a certain religious denomination. Yet, this man's prayer is a nice reminder to me of how to be humble, meek, and kind to myself, and to others. It is a simple passage, with dynamic purpose.
After reading the book, I decided I needed to remind myself of how important my requests can be to the Lord. I needed to have the words near me to remind myself I am in deed worthy of all blessings. I have looked at this prayer every work day for nearly 3 years. And the message is always the same...yet depending upon the day viewed in a different light.
"Oh that you would bless me indeed
and enlarge my territory;
that Your hand would be with me
and that You would keep me from evil
that I may not cause pain."
I Chronicles 4:10 NKJV
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