The band-aid effect

Today has been filled with so many up and down roller coaster emotions.  This has been going on for over a week now, and it seems each day brings another roller coaster line I am waiting in.  The questions of what I should do, what I should say, and not to mention the reaction toward what may come my way...too many things to even think about.  That indecision, that unknown sentiment that will be expressed by the person you want to be with, share moments with, and the fear of the band-aid...

It is that band-aid effect that has me feeling so upside down, right side up, and everywhere in between. I have been down that path where you have so much indecision it tears you apart.  I find myself unable to sleep, unable to focus, and the most simple of tasks seem like monumental achievements.  That feeling where you know something is off, and you are not sure what the next step should land because you can't feel the ground beneath your feet. That band-aid effect where you are waiting for the sting to come, so you prolong ripping the bandage off in the first place.

The bandages we place upon our hearts, those intended to protect us, can some times feel like the enemy.  Those bandages we use to heal can sometimes become a source of pain.  Often, the more bandages we use, the more sensitive we become. And the more sensitive I become, the more that roller coaster occurs.

I am not the strongest of persons.  I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve, available and visible for the entire world to see.  It is not intentional, and I try to hid them as best I can, but sometimes that is not always possible.  Sometimes, regardless of how hard I may try, they are there.  And I appreciate honesty, sincerity, and heartfelt words that ease my fears.  But sometimes, again, that band-aid is there, and in the process of honesty, sincerity, and heartfelt words, there is the sting from the removal.  And the healing does not occur until days later when my thin skin has healed.

I pray tomorrow will offer sweet comfort, sweet relief, and the joy I want so desperately.  I pray tomorrow, and every day after, will only bring me the companionship I long for.  And I guess I won't know that until I get through tomorrow.  Hopefully the band-aid I fear will be nothing, and only soothing comfort will be there.