The work God does may not be in changing the situation you are in, but in changing you in the situation. God may not always calm the storms in your life, he may just calm the storm inside of you.
My cousin Rachel posted that as her status in Facebook today. Such a sweet way to think of all the struggles we may come across in our lives. That storm that rises up, seems to sweep us away, and allows us to feel hurt or lost. How many times have I felt that storm in my life? How many times have I felt that storm in the past few days?
In the past few days I have felt this great sensation of drowning. That feeling of attempting to reach for someone to save me, and feel that there is no one there who will understand how I am feeling. I know this to NOT be true, but it doesn't stop those feelings from creeping in, late at night, as I have nothing else but my thoughts and prayers to keep me. It does not stop those feelings from invading my peace of mind, peace of heart, and peace of spirit. It does not stop me from feeling what I want and desire most is something I may never have.
In a world where I have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings that are provided and bestowed upon me, it is always in the troubled times I seem to feel this way. Right now, my heart is heavy. Right now, I feel I will crumble at any moment. Right now, I feel poor in spirit, and unable to give to anyone the kindness or tenderness needed. But there are moments where I feel that sweet spirit of God, holding me, helping me to become strong, and not to feel weary. It is hard to escape my pain, my loneliness, my emptiness, but that sweet spirit is always there, waiting for me to embrace and cling to. Waiting for me to let go. Waiting for me to come to Him with my needs, my desires, my wishes and express them to Him.
Proverbs 121 has such amazing strength when reading the words penned thousands of years ago, in a world that is far more harsh than mine. The promises it offers, the sweet surrender I must offer is scribed in a manner I wish my sensitive heart could have thought of. Our journeys are not about looking behind us, longing for the past, or fearing the past. Our journeys are in front of us, waiting for us to begin again each day. Every day I attempt to remember this, especially now. And while it is a struggle, I know someday I will have all my wants fulfilled in ways I never could have imagined. And so, until that day, I guess I need to just remember how unique, how special, how prized I am as His child. How intricate He designed me. How He has all of this in His hands, and the solutions have already been made if I follow the path I need to follow.
I lift up my eyes to the hills- Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip -
He who watches over you will not slumber;
Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you
The LORD is your shade at your right hand;
The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm -
He will watch over your life;
The LORD will watch over your coming and going
Both now and forevermore.
Psalm 121
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