Contemplations of the heart

One of my favorite books of the Bible is the Book of Ruth.  Maybe I like this part of the Bible due to Ruth also being my name - after all, there are not too many of us out there.  I remember reading this story over and over as a child, sitting in church, attempting to pay attention to what my father was talking about while giving his talks.  The number of times I have read this story are unknown. But the lessons of this story, and the meaning of my name, are the attributes I strive to live by.

The name Ruth is Hebrew for beautiful friend.  This may have been due to the woman in the Bible, and the methods in which she demonstrated her friendship with others, and her willingness to follow through with the Lord's plans for her, making difficult decisions along the way.  The condensed version of the story is as follows:

Ruth was a young woman, married to an Israelite living in her own country of Moab.  During this time, she watches her own husband die, along with her father-in-law and brother-in-law.  About this point, her mother-in-law, Naomi, decides to go home to Israel.  She requests Ruth go home to her family, to her people, to her God, and find happiness again.  She encourages her to marry again, and have a fruitful life.  Ruth could have agreed to this, but she decided to go a different path.  She recognized her mother-in-law as her family, and rather than turn her back on her husband's mother, she instead tells her:

"Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me." 

(Ruth 1:16–17 NKJV)

As a result, Ruth becomes a part of lineage that includes that of King David, her great-grandson.  How does a woman go from following her mother-in-law into an unknown land to being part of royalty?  Once moving, she meets Boaz.  With her mother-in-law's blessing, she marries Boaz, has a son, and begins a rich history in a book that is more than just a book to me.

Contemplations of the heart.  How easy would it have been for Ruth to stay where she was comfortable?  How much easier would it have been for her to never follow her mother-in-law into a new land of uncertain future, adopt a faith that was foreign to her, and discover her true calling?  How great is a love for someone that you willingly decide that regardless the outcome, they are worth the risk in leaving all that is familiar to set forth to an unknown destination?  The beauty of this woman is not who she became, but who she was willing to be.  Her willingness forever changed history for generations to come, and Biblical history so deeply important to many faiths around the world.  

I don't know if Ruth was fearful of her decision, and how her own family would feel. I don't know if she and Naomi discussed things greater than what is described within the pages of the Bible.  I don't know if there was great turmoil within her own heart at the decision to follow Naomi, or to stay with her people.  But I do know her actions, so eloquently described within the pages of the Bible, have spoken deeply to me over the years.  Her actions, so small at the beginning of following her mother-in-law, turned into such huge change within her life.  Her life was not easy - how can losing one husband be easy?  But she was able to trust with all her heart that her decisions were correct.  She moved in a fearless motion toward an uncertain future.

I am no Ruth of the Bible.  I have been unable to relinquish my own fears to set forth into destinations unknown.  While I did not lose my husband to death, I no longer have a husband.  And I love my mother-in-law, Kim, but I am not sure if I could have followed her to the foreign land of California.  But I aspire to be like her in so many ways.

Recently, I have been struggling greatly with decisions of the heart and mind.  And for some decisions, I am not the only person involved.  This makes the great contemplation I am feeling even more difficult than if it were a decision I could make on my own.  There are always others to consider in my life, and how that decision will impact their own lives.  

One of the hardest contemplations one could ever face is the contemplation of how to handle yourself in situations that DO involve your heart.  As a human, I want what I want, and sometime do not look outside that wall of my own belief to see a bigger picture through the window within the wall.  But I also have had serious times of prayer, deep reflection of what I think and feel would be best.

I make very little decisions without the prayer needed.  I am not impulsive, and definitely not adventurous with my heart where I will forgo all I know just on a whim.  In all things, I pray - whether that be out of praise for a wonderful day, help due to a painful day, or guidance for the steps I should take. My own contemplations of the heart, of what should be done, of where I should go from here, seem so much clearer after many tearful nights in prayer.  In my prayers, I do not ask for the selfish things I want, but rather the help to endure, and the ability to work with others in making the right decisions.  I am not feeling this decision I have already made in my heart as being selfish, but rather one of the only ways I will be able to move forward, and live the life I was intended and promised to have.  Now, I just have to make sure those decisions mirror that of the others it will include.