March 22, 1994...The day started off with so much uncertainty which seems to be the story of my life. I was supposed to go to Phoenix with a friend, Dawn, and her boyfriend Jim. But there were issues with Dawn, and I wasn't sure I was going with them until before we left. We made it to Scottsdale without any issue, and met up with a friend from high school, Brad, at a Red Robin.
When we met up with him, he said he had heard about a terrible accident that happened between Phoenix and Payson on the Beeline Hwy. He wasn't sure if we would be making it as we had. Back then, no one had cell phones to call and let others know where they were. I think Dawn may have had a pager, but for the life of me, I can't remember. Doesn't really matter to the story anyway.
The day was spent going shopping. Back then, there was a mall called Los Arcos at Scottsdale Rd. and McDowell in South Scottsdale. The mall had been neglected by shoppers for years...other malls had opened that were newer, offering better stores. Broadway Southwest had a department store in the mall that was a clearance center for their other locations. And this was my favorite store to shop at. We went to some other places, then headed home later that night, around 5 or 6.
The drive was normal, and there was not any sign of the accident that had happened earlier. Accidents in this stretch of road were normal, as people really didn't pay attention, tight curves, and blind turns. When I got home, though, that is when the happiness of going shopping suddenly changed to a somber reality.
I got a call from one of my friends. The accident on the road that day happened moments after we had passed through the same area on the highway. An older man driving up to Payson did not realize the road went from two lanes to one lane, and was attempting to pass another car. In his attempt he ran into another car heading south toward Phoenix, carrying 4 people. Of the four, 2 were killed at the scene, and 2 others were injured terribly. Had we left a few minutes later, no more than 5 minutes, that could have been us.
The sober reality was not the close proximity to where we were on the road, possibly seeing the car that caused so much destruction on the road...the sober reality was that the 2 people killed in the accident were my friends, Dustin and Edward. The 2 injured were my friends, Nicole and Jackie.
Dustin was someone I cared about very deeply. He was special in so many ways. His sense of humor, his sensitivity, and his intelligence were amazing. And just a few days before, I was in the car with Dawn, the same girl I drove to Phoenix with that day, while she cruised around town telling others how much she hated Dustin. At one point that evening Dustin would not talk to me due to being with her. They had dated for a while, and she felt the need to air out her indifference. I was in the car and guilty by association. My only communication with him on that evening was relayed by someone else "Please tell Dustin I am sorry, that I am not mad at him, and I hope he is okay."
Dustin was living with my friend Mike at the time. Mike was Edward and Nicole's brother. To lose a friend and a brother on the same day, and have a sister injured in the hospital was more than I could ever imagine. In looking at the car Dustin was driving that was impounded there was very little room between the car seat he sat in, and the steering wheel he was holding onto. No way he could have survived. After his death, Mike and I talked. I was so afraid Dustin thought I hated him when he died. So afraid my being with someone who treated him so poorly was the last thought he had of me before he died. Mike consoled me, telling me this was not the case, but none-the-less, it changed how I felt about Dawn, and the ability to be so hateful at times.
It was not the first time I had lost a friend. It won't be the last time, as well. As I grow older, the ability to heal is diminished, and eventually all those you know will pass. But at the age of 18, you never imagine how precious life is, how fragile we truly are, and how intricate our bodies are by design. You never realize that you will be going to a funeral for someone you loved that is the same age as you. You never think about life in such a way because at that age, life is your oyster. You don't see the dangers in things as you see it as an adult. You don't realize how your actions can impact someone else, or how a kind word can change their day just as much as being guilty by association of hatefulness. You don't see those things because you are a teenager who believes you have a whole life in front of you, ready for you to do great things, and think the adults in your life are just telling you tall tales to disrupt your fun. Your life is school, getting out of school, and hoping your future is bright. But when that is disrupted by the sober fact we will not all make it to the next day, it changes you in ways you never imagined.
That was 17 years ago today. To think of all Dustin could have been is sometimes hard. He had so many struggles in his life, but was such a great person. He had this ability to make others smile that is rare. And he was always singing "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes. To this day it is hard to listen to that song without thinking about him, thinking of that time where we had little crushes on each other and kissed, or went camping together in the middle of January in the cold, staying up all night and going to a tiny diner in Payson at 2am. They say that those you love are never gone as long as you carry them within your heart, remember them in big or small ways. Tonight, I am remembering my friend Dustin Cenzano. I am remembering Edward, and allowing their spirits to remain alive through me.
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