Within the trilogy of songs from Michael W. Smith, this song is the last. After feeling my emotions so raw, feeling I would be revealed to the world in "Breathe in me," this song renewed my strength the day I fell apart, as described in a previous post. This song, while completely different, echos everything I needed on that particular day, and every day since.
My life has been a battle of pros and cons. Who's life is not the same way? None of us have the picture perfect life every day. Within the pros and cons, I am blessed enough to say I have had angels within my life. The people within my life have been instrumental in where I am now. And while some have been short-lived friendships, they have all taught me something. For this reason, they are all a blessing. I have been fortunate to have prayers answered in such amazing methods. I have been fortunate to have things come together when I had the inability to make ends meet on my own.
Days before I broke down in Macy's, I said a prayer. It was the Tuesday after Mother's Day, 2004. I woke up, mid panic attack, as was the usual circumstance for that time in my life. Along with the panic of a bad marriage, I was suffering other ailments. I was months away from health insurance at work. Unfortunately, in the weeks before I had suffered from my molars abscessing on both sides of my mouth for a grand total of 4 times (2 times on each side). During the abscessing my face would swell to the size of a scary character you would see in a Disney character. The pain was so bad I could not sleep, and would thrash in pain. I was concerned about my need for new contacts, and how I was going to pay for them. I had been reading this book about gratefulness, and thankfulness at the time, and as I was getting ready for work, and feeling overwhelmed, that book and what it was saying came into focus.
I immediately started praying. I prayed for a couple who were about to get married. I prayed for my children, and for those in my life. I prayed to have a good day at work, and to sell something - anything - 2 days after Mother's Day in a cosmetic / fragrance department. I also prayed that someone, anyone, would want to open a Macy's credit card, and prayed that the person opening the card would not have money issues due to my request. I prayed my teeth would not cause me any issues until my health insurance started. I prayed my contacts would last until my health insurance started. I prayed I would just have a good day.
Most of what I prayed for was out of my control. I could not control if someone purchased something, or opened a darn credit card. I could not control if my teeth decided to abscess again, or if my eyes decided they could not handle the contacts I was using. All out of my control, and I knew this.
When I got to work that morning, and as the store opened, a friend of mine who worked at the eye doctor next to Macy's came into our store. My counter was the first counter you would arrive at when entering the first floor entrance, and due to the close proximity of our stores, we had developed a friendship. When she walked in, she came to me and asked "We have some sample contacts in your prescription. Do you need contacts?" Are you kidding me? I was so grateful for her thinking of me, and having the courage to ask me the question. I gladly accepted the contacts that helped me for another 9 months.
Throughout the day, I was amazed at my friend's kindness. And in my thanking God, I began to see other tangible moments of my prayer being answered. By the end of the day I sold over $1,000 in my department - an unheard of amount for the location where I worked, and for the time of year it was. I opened 4 cards that day, and walked away knowing that the Lord was there, helping me. None of the items that day were ever returned to dock my commission later on. My teeth had not been bothering me, either.
Two weeks later, when all was said and done; my contacts were great, and my good day selling items and opening cards was over, the Bishop of my church came in unexpectedly. I had not been going to church due to working most Sundays. I had only met the man 2 other times. It was a shock for him to come into my work only due to not even realizing he knew where I worked. In fact, I hadn't really even shared much about my life with him. He didn't know my marriage was falling apart, or that I was days away from leaving my husband. He didn't know that literally days before he came in I was crumpled on the floor crying to the songs I am writing about.
"Ruthe, I was driving on the freeway. I was headed home, but was so compelled to pull off on Alma School. The Lord told me I needed to check about how your teeth are doing? Are you having issues with your teeth?"
What do you come back with on this question? "Uh, no. Things are good" out of shame or "Yes, I have been in extreme pain but it hasn't been bad in the past few days"? I let him know what was going on, and how painful it had been, but that my insurance was ready to start in a month, and I would be able to have things looked at then.
"Ruthe, I want you to go to my dentist. I am calling him now, and you will have an appointment tomorrow. Don't worry about the cost, I will take care of that for you."
True to his word, the very next day I had my teeth fixed. True to his word, I didn't have to pay for this at a time I didn't have extra money.
And as I was finished, and rehashing the prayer, rehashing the moments that had passed and the amazing things that had happened, I once again felt that spiritual embrace surround me. My angels unaware were sent directly to me for a reason, for a purpose. Since this time I have believed if I ask for something that I need, something that I am unable to do on my own, the Lord will always provide for me, and always provide an angel by my side to help me stand and walk when I feel I cannot go any further.
My life has been a battle of pros and cons. Who's life is not the same way? None of us have the picture perfect life every day. Within the pros and cons, I am blessed enough to say I have had angels within my life. The people within my life have been instrumental in where I am now. And while some have been short-lived friendships, they have all taught me something. For this reason, they are all a blessing. I have been fortunate to have prayers answered in such amazing methods. I have been fortunate to have things come together when I had the inability to make ends meet on my own.
Days before I broke down in Macy's, I said a prayer. It was the Tuesday after Mother's Day, 2004. I woke up, mid panic attack, as was the usual circumstance for that time in my life. Along with the panic of a bad marriage, I was suffering other ailments. I was months away from health insurance at work. Unfortunately, in the weeks before I had suffered from my molars abscessing on both sides of my mouth for a grand total of 4 times (2 times on each side). During the abscessing my face would swell to the size of a scary character you would see in a Disney character. The pain was so bad I could not sleep, and would thrash in pain. I was concerned about my need for new contacts, and how I was going to pay for them. I had been reading this book about gratefulness, and thankfulness at the time, and as I was getting ready for work, and feeling overwhelmed, that book and what it was saying came into focus.
I immediately started praying. I prayed for a couple who were about to get married. I prayed for my children, and for those in my life. I prayed to have a good day at work, and to sell something - anything - 2 days after Mother's Day in a cosmetic / fragrance department. I also prayed that someone, anyone, would want to open a Macy's credit card, and prayed that the person opening the card would not have money issues due to my request. I prayed my teeth would not cause me any issues until my health insurance started. I prayed my contacts would last until my health insurance started. I prayed I would just have a good day.
Most of what I prayed for was out of my control. I could not control if someone purchased something, or opened a darn credit card. I could not control if my teeth decided to abscess again, or if my eyes decided they could not handle the contacts I was using. All out of my control, and I knew this.
When I got to work that morning, and as the store opened, a friend of mine who worked at the eye doctor next to Macy's came into our store. My counter was the first counter you would arrive at when entering the first floor entrance, and due to the close proximity of our stores, we had developed a friendship. When she walked in, she came to me and asked "We have some sample contacts in your prescription. Do you need contacts?" Are you kidding me? I was so grateful for her thinking of me, and having the courage to ask me the question. I gladly accepted the contacts that helped me for another 9 months.
Throughout the day, I was amazed at my friend's kindness. And in my thanking God, I began to see other tangible moments of my prayer being answered. By the end of the day I sold over $1,000 in my department - an unheard of amount for the location where I worked, and for the time of year it was. I opened 4 cards that day, and walked away knowing that the Lord was there, helping me. None of the items that day were ever returned to dock my commission later on. My teeth had not been bothering me, either.
Two weeks later, when all was said and done; my contacts were great, and my good day selling items and opening cards was over, the Bishop of my church came in unexpectedly. I had not been going to church due to working most Sundays. I had only met the man 2 other times. It was a shock for him to come into my work only due to not even realizing he knew where I worked. In fact, I hadn't really even shared much about my life with him. He didn't know my marriage was falling apart, or that I was days away from leaving my husband. He didn't know that literally days before he came in I was crumpled on the floor crying to the songs I am writing about.
"Ruthe, I was driving on the freeway. I was headed home, but was so compelled to pull off on Alma School. The Lord told me I needed to check about how your teeth are doing? Are you having issues with your teeth?"
What do you come back with on this question? "Uh, no. Things are good" out of shame or "Yes, I have been in extreme pain but it hasn't been bad in the past few days"? I let him know what was going on, and how painful it had been, but that my insurance was ready to start in a month, and I would be able to have things looked at then.
"Ruthe, I want you to go to my dentist. I am calling him now, and you will have an appointment tomorrow. Don't worry about the cost, I will take care of that for you."
True to his word, the very next day I had my teeth fixed. True to his word, I didn't have to pay for this at a time I didn't have extra money.
And as I was finished, and rehashing the prayer, rehashing the moments that had passed and the amazing things that had happened, I once again felt that spiritual embrace surround me. My angels unaware were sent directly to me for a reason, for a purpose. Since this time I have believed if I ask for something that I need, something that I am unable to do on my own, the Lord will always provide for me, and always provide an angel by my side to help me stand and walk when I feel I cannot go any further.
Maybe there's a light in my soul
Maybe it flickers like a neon sign
Outside an abandoned hotel
Maybe there are things you just can't know
But can you say there are no mysteries
In the house you choose to dwell
Maybe we are entertaining angels unaware
Maybe there's a place where we will fly
But some say God is dead like Nietzsche said
And faith has made me a fool
But maybe there is more than meets the eye
Who's that stranger there beside you?
Don't be smug and don't be cruel
Maybe we are entertaining angels unaware
Battles of the heart and of the mind
We stay caught in mental purgatory
'Til our existence can be defined
Meanwhile on the shores of parallel
There may be a hold conference held
Somewhere
Discussing all mankind
Maybe we are entertaining angels unaware
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