Little White Lies

How many times have you told someone what seems to be a little white lie.  Whether it is that you were stuck in traffic rather than just simply running 5 minutes late, didn't feel like doing something but didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings, or were trying to avoid some type of issue later on, we unfortunately all tell little white lies.

I am not immune to this, and will admit to sometimes finding it easier to perform a little white lie over hurting someone else, or not doing something.  I try, however, to not do this with the actual people in my life, those I call friends, family, or the person I am dating.

To be honorable in my intentions at all times allows me freedom from scrutiny.

Besides, I feel lightening will strike me if I tell someone a lie, whether it be professionally or personally, regardless of how little it is.  If I call in sick saying my car has broken down, my car will, in fact, break down.  If I say I can't do something because I am not feeling well, or my kids are not feeling well, they will or I will end up sick.  There are a million ways I look at a supposed circumstance and decide it is easier to just come clean than it is to perform the juggling of a lie.

But here is the problem with little white lies in today's society...you can't do it that easily.  With so many applications for social media available to us, there is nothing secret any longer.  And those you tell the white lies to are often, and understandably, insulted and hurt when they discover that rather than going to sleep, as you claimed you were going to do, you actually stayed up, went out all night, and foolishly posted it to something social media driven.

In June of this year, I talked to my boyfriend at the time of our lack of communication and time together.  It was a calm conversation that lead to our breakup.  He beat around the bush for a while, telling me he was conflicted about us, but finally said "I love you, but I don't want to be with you any longer."  This is a man who I had been with for nearly 5 years, telling me the truth, telling me things he knew would hurt, but still allowing me the respect (eventually in the conversation) of our time together.

Fast forward to today.  How many times do I hear those little white lies, and how many times am I expected to believe them.  Those little white lies from people I am supposed to trust to my very core are suddenly not so little, and leave me to believe I am not important enough to hear the truth.  Those little white lies that are often so simple, they do not even intend to hurt me, but in telling them speak volumes of where we stand in our relationship.  Telling someone you will call, then only talk for 5 minutes leaves me with a feeling that you are giving me a brush off due to not being able to tell me "Look, I really don't want to talk to you, but I know if I don't call, you may feel I am ignoring you."

There was an article a few months ago on CNN (How to tell white lies) mentioning this very issue.  It focused on social media, and if you say you are sick to your work, please forgo posting to your Facebook status how you were out all night, or worse yet, posting pictures.  The article gave you step by step processes to be vague, mention how you should include others in your lies to help you cover up what you are doing, or become a Privacy Setting guru.  Lastly, however, it did mention 5 sentences about telling the truth.  To those you are friends with, family members of, or in a dating or serious relationship with, you are discounting them at a high rate when you attempt little white lies.

In telling someone a white lie, you often are hiding the fact you are at a different place, whether physically or mentally.  While the truth is not always so easy to hear, it sometimes saves much time in the avenues of understanding, trust, and respect.  You are not only lying to the other person, you are also lying to yourself to save face, look better than you are, or show a different intent.  And once trust is gone, there are far and few situations to rebuild the trust that once was.  There is no pause, no rewind button, no "take-backs" but instead only hurt.  What once could have been a simply conversation is now so riddled and convoluted others have no choice but to wonder if what you are saying is actually true, or just another fabrication to ease your mind.